Do I tell them?

[Jordyn86]

I had a breakdown last year, I hadn't been drinking for 4 months leading up to it and I think I just couldn't cope with my life not using alcohol to numb everything.

My parents and brother put a lot of blame on my husband. He is an alcoholic and didn't treat me very well before, during and after breakdown.

I am not in a position to leave him. My parents and brother have been amazing. But I slowly drifted back to daily drinking.
I went to stay with my brother for 4 weeks and didn't drink, I felt great, but it did help that he lives by the sea in a sunny location.

My parents and brother were very proud of me. Their concerns were that when I got back home I would start drinking again, I assured them I wouldn't .

But I'm ashamed to say I have. I know it's not good for me, my children hate me drinking. I've put on so much weight and feel disgusted with myself.

I think part of the problem is I'm so scared that I won't be able to cope again without the numbness alcohol gives me .

Since I've been back my parents haven't asked if I've been drinking. I want to stop and hoping today is day 1 of my sober journey. My drinking has increased a lot and worrying me now.

But do I tell them I've started again? I'm pretty sure they know but think they will be very angry with me and not sure if I can face the lectures.
My brother, although supportive can be very condescending and judgemental.

I also feel terrible for letting them down. Do I tell them or just try and get back to my sober journey?

Thank you for reading

Honestly OP, tell them. Secrecy & lies are what feed addiction. These are people who love you, care about you, and actively want you to get better, tell them the truth and let them support you.

If you were capable of getting sober & staying sober completely on your own then you would have done it already. Lean on your support system! X

This. And don't give yourself a hard time. Best of luck xx

I would ask how both options make you feel. How do you feel at the idea of telling them? How do you feel at the idea of not telling them?

And whether you tell them or not, whether they support you or not, whether they're judgmental to you or not... all of that's OK as long as you have you. As long as you treat yourself with huge, huge amounts of compassion.

It sounds as though you're committed to drinking less and that's where I'd focus - you knowing you have your own back. Always. I cannot tell you how much of a difference it makes.

I have a podcast called 90 Days Later that covers loads of topics relating to drinking less, rarely or not at all. It documents what I learned and what I cover with my clients. Episode 26 'Putting yourself first' would be a great place to start. I'm happy to answer further questions too.

@change2022
Sorry I have just come back to this thread, where can I listen to your podcast please?

@Jordyn86 You can find it on any of the main podcasting sites - Apple, Google, Spotify etc. Search for 90 Days Later with Anna Charles. I don't want to add a link here as I think that's frowned upon my MN.

You are already back on your sober journey. Don’t underestimate each step you take. Having made the decision and then posting here are important steps in themselves.

Only you know if telling your family will help or hinder. You know how they are likely to react, if that is going to make things more difficult for you don’t tell them right now. You can always tell them when you feel stronger.

In the meantime get all the support you can here and from other sources that suit you - the previous poster’s podcast, AA or similar.

As you previously had a massive reaction to stopping, do you think it would be a good idea to get help from your GP?

I realise you’ve said you can’t leave your alcoholic partner but staying with him is going to make it much, much more difficult for you. Especially if the feelings you want to numb are caused by your relationship. Would it help if you talked to Women’s Aid to see if there is any way to separate from him.

Wishing you all the best