I'm so frightened. Please help advise me.

[Canwedoit4]

I think I'm an alcoholic. I don't think other people recognise this. Woke up today, called in sick to work and have spent the day crying so ashamed of myself.
Last night was a typical night, drank too much and became argumentative and rude. I hate myself when I'm drunk I'm not a nice person, I can't control my emotions. It is so embarrassing and I can feel my friends inviting me round less and less because inevitably I always ruin the mood.
I do not want anybody to know in real life, I want to do this myself but I am so scared. I can't go to AA, my BIL goes to our local ones and i don't want this to be common knowledge, nor do I think listening to him it's what will work for me, and lastly my anxiety would not let up enough to even go to a public meeting.
I want to go to my GP and get some tablets or something? Is this a thing? Will they report me to social services? The DVLA? I want help but even accessing that feels too scary.
I don't want to be here, I don't want to be me anymore.

Well done for taking that first step, it takes a lot of courage. You don’t have to go to AA but it would be a good idea to have a chat with your GP. No one will report you to SS/DVLA so please don’t worry.

I don’t think you can get tablets to cure an addiction, no.

You need support to make the change yourself. People can and do. Good luck, OP.

technically a GP can alert the DVLA if they believe someone to be alcohol dependant or a risk to the public.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/drug-or-alcohol-misuse-or-dependence-assessing-fitness-to-drive

However, if a person is diagnosed as alcohol dependent then the person themself is supposed to inform the DVLA.

https://www.medicalprotection.org/uk/articles/should-i-report-that-my-patient-is-unfit-to-drive

That said, my GP was brilliant - he did mention informing the DVLA but only if I didn’t take steps to get my drinking under control or turned up at the surgery drunk type thing. I was also referred to an addiction psychiatrist who never mentioned anything about the DVLA. So I think it varies.

What about an online AA meeting? I found AA wasn’t for me but millions of people have found it helpful. There is also Smart Recovery who also do online meetings.

Your drinking is problematic and I hope you can take steps to get it sorted - don’t end up like me - nearly losing everything.

Thank you so much for your responses. I can't believe I'm here. I used to be a fun drunk, had the best times! Now I'm not.

I pick up the bottle daily wanting that buzz and for it to make me happier and feel good but it doesn't so why do I keep doing it?!
I could pack a bag and leave my family I feel so much shame for not being better for them. They deserve so much more.

Well done for admitting you have a problem.
You can still go AA without bumping into anyone there are loads on the platform Zoom.
There are some really wonderful people there too.
Tbh your BIL might even know you're an alcoholic (he's been there, done that) and would be happy to help.

There's also the Yellow card. You don't discuss who you see or what was said, as you can ruin Thier anonymity

Please please be kind to yourself! You're worth it!

You keep doing it because your brain/subconscious mind is looking for that pleasurable 'hit' that it used to experience, even though your rational mind knows it's not going to happen. It's called the Diminishing Marginal Utility.

You have one drink (or slice of cake) and you really, really enjoy it. You have a second because the first was so good but it's not quite as good. The third and forth are pale imitations. If you were to continue to 10 drinks/pieces of cake you'd probably be sick and hating the smell and taste.

I just found this thread on Quora which explains it really well;

https://www.quora.com/Does-marginal-utility-apply-to-alcohol

It's called Acamprosate. It's a thing. But obviously not to be used in isolation.

Look into The Naked Mind. There’s a 30 day programme that is designed to help you change your relationship with alcohol.

Another good strategy is to find something else to do during the dangerous hours. Join a leisure club and go for a swim every evening instead.

Good luck.

I would recommend alcohol counselling.

My mother used to work as a drug and alcohol counsellor at a service in the (Scottish) region where she lives. As I understand, individual counselling is different from AA, as it is about exploring how you want to take control of your alcohol intake and what works for you personally rather than abstaining completely (unless that's what you want).

They provided free support to anyone who wanted it, referred to them through their GP. Hopefully there is something similar in your area.

Well done on recognising what is happening to you. That’s a massive first step. There is an organisation called Smart Recovery, who offer help and advice for addictions.

I know it might sound like I'm looking for an easy way out but I just want all this to stop now. I thought there might be some tablets that make you sick if you drink and I would find this so much easier and the longer I went without a drink hopefully it would help me mentally. Do you know like if your stopping smoking there are things like that
Does anybody know if this is a realistic ask and what the criteria would be for getting these maybe?
I will look at the other support options noted, group meetings are not for me but there all other suggestions made which I will look at thank you so much.

Like everyone else has said, well done for talking about it. Meetings are very helpful but not for everyone.

The world normalises and romantises drinking and makes it seem desirable and like you like can't be complete if you deny yourself. Being surrounded by others who've also been harmed by alchol and whose lives are so much better without alcohol helps you call out the bullshit and break the mentality. But there are other ways to do it.

For me, i bought a lot of quit lit on audible and listened to it on repeat, constantly questioning my ideas about alcohol. I also followed sober accounts on social media. It helped me normalise a sober life and even find it aspirational (which it is, life is so so so so so so much better!)

Hardest but most important thing to do is confide in someone in real life. Secrecy protects the alcoholic. You dont want to admit it because you dont want to be called out if you fail, you want to give yourself a get out of jail card. While the iron is hot, tell someone you love.

You've got this!

Your GP can refer you to your local substance abuse centre. At mine the counsellors were ex addicts which made it super easy to be open.

I've been sober since Sept 2019, and have never looked back....

However I would highly recommend you seek this free NHS assistance.

You can in fact have a free (bar prescription costs) at home detox/rehab on the NHS.

You have to refer to your local substance abuse centre. Some will let you self refer, some may require Dr referal.

They should be able to offer support.

You can find them here www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/find-an-alcohol-addiction-service/location.

Avoid CGL they seem to direct to Detox UK who will charge. If you struggle to get free help, these can help: Dear Albert can help: www.dearalbert.co.uk/nhs-alcohol-detox/.

I did around 3 months counselling once a week prior and again after. 10 day at home detox with family support.

The medication made phyical withdrawal smooth and easy to the point I didn't have a single side effect.

AA wasn't for me, and I've not needed it thanks to the counselling I had.

You mean Antabuse. It's possible. Speak to your GP

www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-misuse/treatment/#:~:text=to%206%20months.-,Disulfiram,reactions%20if%20you%20drink%20alcohol.

You can go to an online AA zoom meeting if you want to connect with others who have been where you are and got out of it. Contact alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk or call them free on 0800 9177 650. Everyone who answers the phone is a recovering alcoholic volunteer and can chat through all your worries. Please give it a go ..you have nothing to lose. Good luck,

PP is incorrect - There are medications available to help you. Antabuse (disulfiram) will make you sick if you drink while taking it. That said, I don't think it has particularly high success rates for long term abstention or moderation with alcohol.

Acamprosate and naltrexone can both work to reduce cravings, but I would also look into the Sinclair Method with naltrexone. It is somewhat controversial because the Sinclair Method only works if you drink while taking the medication, but there's a number of studies showing long term success of this method at significantly reducing or eliminating alcohol use.

Does anybody know if this is a realistic ask and what the criteria would be for getting these maybe?

Sadly not. I asked about this but it's only for long term users who have failed at the Normal routes to sobriety multiple times.

OP I really do understand why your brain is stamping it's feet and saying "But it's too haaaaaard". It's just the way addiction works. It's called the disease of terminal uniqueness because we all think we're so uniquely weak and damaged that recovery won't work on it. It will. I promise, it's not that bad. And once you've got the hang of it, it's fucking marvellous. I've been sober four years now and I actually like myself. Remember, addiction isn't your fault but it IS your responsibility.

You sound thoroughly sick of drinking, so channel that. Take ownership of your experience. Good luck!

You can also try apps like this naked mind (mentioned by pp earlier), Sunnyside, or Reframe for added support. Reframe has several daily meetings online as well. There's also SMART recovery, if AA is not for you

There's also SMART recovery, if AA is not for you

Seconded. I did online SMART meetings and they were brilliant. Practical recovery tips, no higher power stuff.

As a PP said, the Sinclair Method with naltrexone is probably what you're looking for. There's FB groups you can join if you look for them.

There are much better alternatives these days to AA (whose anonymous nature helps hide that it has an extremely poor success rate). There are options which you can do privately in your own home. Here's a great one...

https://soberinseven.com/webinar/?utmsource=google&device=m&network=g&keyword=sober%20in%20seven&gaddsource=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwnv-vBhBdEiwABCYQA04K0GMuPRdhQMfL1telhdzCkkMpYI4t37AcVHgaehQ7COxNBFWQixoCPf8QAvDBwE

Yes, it costs money of course but it isn't that much and a lot less than you spend on booze. And it has a private online community you can join after completing the course to get ongoing support and share your success with others.

There are also a number of excellent podcasts out there (try Over the Influence for starters) and books (try William Porter's Alcohol Explained for starters). Reading and listening to people's stories about stopping drinking really helps to cement your desire to make the change. There are too many societal cues to do it alone.

Stopping drinking is no longer only for down and out alcoholics. Masses of people are doing it for their health, wealth and happiness. In fact, very few people I know still drink and those who do aren't falling out of pubs on a Saturday night as that is just such a bad, pathetic look for middle aged people. So go for it. You won't look back!

@Canwedoit4 how are you doing today? Have you been able to take any action to dealing with your drinking?

@Canwedoit4 I help people who have perfectly normal/great lives except that they happen to drink too much. Most of the people are work with know that AA is not for them. I have a simple doable way to change (not always easy but not a struggle either). If you want to learn more just send me a private message. But please know that it is absolutely possible to change. It really, really is.

So although it might not be much I abstained completely wed/Thurs and then drank quite a bit Friday and Saturday however it was in a social setting, was within the norms of my friends ranges and I didn't feel out of control at all. I wasn't rude, I wasn't unpleasant so I feel like it all went OK.

Sunday now and what I'm left with is wondering whether I do have a problem, if so how severe? I had alcohol free days and my behaviour was kept in check by me. Do I just need to commit to this?