How can I help him?

[ButtonMoonMrsSpoon]

I'm really stuck, my partner is in remission from cancer, he's really been through the mill with the aggressive treatment and although in remission he's still got lots of side effects from treatment that could be lifelong. The problem is he is unable to work as he is too physically weak and I'm working full time to bring the money in. My partner is so lost at the moment, he's on his own all day til I get home and he's feeling very isolated, frustrated and I suppose he feels like he's not contributing. He likes a drink, says it helps with the pain but it's getting to be more and more. For the last 3 days I've come home from work and he's basically drunk. I've talked to him and I've not nagged, said he's fought cancer and I'm so proud of how he coped, I also explained that financially we can't afford all the alcohol he's been buying. It's so difficult, I love him so much and I do get why he's drinking more but I don't know what to do to help him. I'm feeling burnt out myself, I'm tired and then coming home to do all the stuff here too, he does attempt to do things and he does try and cook but can't always manage which is understandable. We have a 10 year old too and he's always amazing with her but I can see him getting in a rut. Any advice please to help? i just dont know how. He is so physically weak and also on a lot of opioid medication and I want to help him.
thank you

So sorry to hear this OP. The reality is he needs to help himself. Only he can stop the drinking. One thing that worries me particularly though is mixing alcohol with opiates. That is so dangerous. I think maybe you need to tell him that you'll have to let his doctor know he's doing that in case it affects what it's safe to prescribe him.

Thank you, I have said this to him too, he's on morphine, codeine and other things. I will contact the gp at least. Problem is the pain is so severe I don't know what he will do if they stop his meds and this is worrying me a lot.

I'm sorry you're going through this. If he is in pain, he needs better pain management. And I say this as someone who is a now sober alcoholic, if he's well enough to be getting drunk during the day, he's well enough to do some work, even if it's relatively low key sedentary work. Drinking takes a huge physical and emotional toll. If he's going to be drinking, he's going to feel unwell and fatigued. I suspect if he cut out the alcohol, he'd start to feel better, could potentially get out of the house, do something, raise his spirits a bit.

In the short term, I think you need to be the bad guy and stop funding his alcohol purchases. Encourage him to go back to the doctor with help for pain management. Expect him to get up and do things around the house to care for himself and your child.

In case this helps - there is the pain we suffer (as in this hurts and that's why we get pain medication) and what we make the pain mean (as in I shouldn't be feeling this way, I don't like feeling this way, I'm frustrated at feeling this way). Your partner has had a very tough time of it lately - so sorry to hear this. So I think it makes sense that he may be feeling low, frustrated all the bad emotions. It's unlikely he'll be feeling super happy. So if he could get to the starting point of acceptance - accepting that he can't contribute yet because of his current situation - then he can build up from there. I know this is easier said than done but I do believe firmly that our emotions (frustration, fear, stress, happiness) come from how we're thinking. And that we 100% own our thoughts. Well I thought I'd post this in case it helps.

If hes struggling physically , have you applied for PIP? is he entitled to any benefits?
Also there are befriending services available....mind...age uk etc...also cancer survivors support groups