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Best way to raise issue with DH?

3 replies

Decibell · 09/03/2024 16:54

Hi, looking for some advice on this. DH has always liked a drink but I've noticed over the last 6-12 months the quantity is steadily increasing. He never has a day without alcohol now and can easily put away a bottle of sherry or whisky in 3 days, often + beers, wine and G&T. He's much less physically active since having COVID and has gained a lot of weight. He's ready for bed by 9pm, 9.30 at latest and snores badly. He's only early 50s but we can't really do a lot of the things we used to enjoy together - going hiking, bike rides etc. We don't go to bed together either now as I can't go as early as that and I feel we're losing closeness. I'm pretty sure it's a reaction to work stress and he's on antidepressants which I know won't be helping the weight gain either. No realistic prospect of changing jobs. He did reduce his hours but this doesn't really seem to have helped. I'm really worried about his health, sleep apnea, diabetes etc and feel a bit like I'm married to an old man (he's younger than me). I know I need to tell him about my concern but not sure how best to do it. Just back from holiday and thought I would raise it with him while we were away but chickened out as didn't want to ruin the holiday, and now he's about to go back to work and will be stressed again, I just don't think there's ever going to be an ideal time. I'd be grateful for any advice on the best way to raise this. I know any change has to come from him but do think he would respond to my concern.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 10/03/2024 06:52

What are you going to do if he says he doesn’t want to change?

Decibell · 10/03/2024 22:40

Good question, I do think at heart he does want to change, he's not happy at the moment. If he doesn't want to change I'll have to adapt my expectations of what my life is going to be like. I wouldn't leave him.

OP posts:
change2022 · 24/03/2024 13:06

I help people who drink too much but who don't have a physical addiction or who don't want to go to AA. I have a podcast called 90 Days Later. Episode 90 'Client success Newfound Resilience with Adrian P' is me interviewing my client Adrian who was drinking too much (60 glasses a week), his work performance was suffering and he basically hated himself. He speaks about how changing his relationship with alcohol changed everything for him. You could mention you heard about it somewhere? This may be a gentle 'in' to encourage him that change is possible?

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