My own fresh clean start - Day 1

[AFreshCleanStart]

Just want to hold myself accountable

Single mum of 3, those glasses of wine after they go to bed are something I look forward to. I can't leave the house to exercise or do anything fun, so that's all I have. It's been 1/2 or even a bottle most nights for the last 2 years.

I've gone back and forth about whether I need to cut back, or cut it out altogether. I can and will go a week without a drink but then question why I'm depriving myself, and asking myself if it's a problem

But deep down I know it is. It's not healthy, it's costing a fortune, it's causing me to gain weight and it's a slippery slope down from here. I don't want my kids growing up with a mum who has a problem with alcohol, and I want to be the healthiest I can be to be around for them.

Any ideas for fun ways to spend my evenings, I'm all ears. I've literally spent years working on my computer every night and forgot how to actually have fun. Haven't watched TV in at least 3 years so no idea for what films or shows to watch

So, here goes day 1 of forever. Deep breath.

Good for you! I know a lot of Mums feel the same - that wine is 'their' time, and society makes lots of jokes about it, but it sounds like you want a change.

For a start, I'd say commit to a sober month. Call it a 'healthy wellness month' is the S word is scary. Just to bypass that 'Friday night feeling'. Then have a think about what you'd like to watch - maybe check out the TV and film reviews in the papers, see what catches your interest. Or is there a hobby you've always fancied, or used to enjoy as a child and could pick up again? There are lots of magazines in the supermarket about artsy and creative stuff, have a browse there for some ideas.

I know what you mean - wine is an easy 'go to' and it's hard to break a habit, especially at the end of a busy day. So maybe plan it and set it up earlier when you're feeling more energetic - lay out the materials you'd need so you can lay hands on them easily when the little darlings are in bed.

And there's nothing wrong with pyjama night lazing on the sofa! Get a nice non-alc drink in a pretty glass with some snacks - it's still better than drinking and you'll feel so proud of yourself in the morning!

Good luck!

I actually think the fact you have evenings to do anything is a wonderful way to start. Having two dc, I can't even remember the last time I had an evening to do anything - possibly last summer when dh took them camping and I watched tv, which was very novel!

If I had evenings to myself, I'd read a book and take a nice hot bath, exercise (you can exercise without leaving home), do an online yoga class or some breathwork, go to an online support group or check in with friends who are supporting me in not drinking, listen to a podcast, go to bed! Sleep is wonderful, I wish I had more of it. That's before you even get to watching tv. If I had tv to watch, I'd watch documentaries, but couldn't tell you any good ones at the moment.

Thank you both so much. Yesterday didn't go to plan and I ended up finishing the last bottle of wine I had at home. I have to be entirely honest with myself. I am annoyed and disappointed

Today is a much better day. Absolutely none in the house, and I feel good and strong. Tonight is a work night so I'm on my computer until bed time, and I treated myself to a new book while shopping today so I'm going to work through that on non-work nights.

No worries - pick yourself up again and get straight back to it! You could make International Women's Day your first day! 💪

Why is it so hard? Failed again. I'm full of determination and strength in the morning, but by late afternoon/early evening I'm at breaking point, so stressed with the kids and convince myself it's worth a few glasses of wine to relax and calm myself down. I also talk myself into 'what's the harm?' Because it doesn't make me drunk, I don't want up feeling bad so why am I giving it up

But I need to tell myself this: the very fact that I can't stop myself from drinking every night is the exact reason WHY I need to give it up

Who else has gone through these feelings? any magic words for me? 😖

Yes and yes (been through it and have magic words for you - well maybe not 'magic' but doable...)

To start with look at your goals. You've been 1/2 a bottle most nights for the past 2 years and you want to go to nothing every night. That is a HUGE leap.

Start with asking what would feel doable at 6pm (or whenever the stress for you appears)? You most probably wouldn't say no alcohol, but maybe you could aim for half a glass less than 1/2 a bottle (so you take your usual 1/2 bottle, pour out half a glass and drink the rest). Would that feel a victory? (To me it did back in the day).

Second, ask why you drink. That really is the main thing to look at. People focus on the action of drinking when it's not really about the alcohol. I work with people on this, I help them drink like normal people and most of our focus is on what they're making the alcohol mean.

Send me a private message if you'd like to know the exact recipe for changing your relationship with alcohol (yep it really is that simple).

Starting again and finally have my reasons why I can't continue like this. Woke up after a bottle last night after nothing for a week and was ashamed of myself for things I did last night.

Realised that if it was my son or a relative doing what I'm doing to myself I'd be so angry with them and doing everything in my power to help them, so why can't I treat myself the same way? It's affecting my work. It's affecting my health. It's setting a poor example for my kids.

No more excuses. No more trying to convince myself I can drink in moderation. No more social drinking. It. Stops. Here.

Hi OP - how are you today?
have you tried Annie Graces The Naked Mind? I did her free program - the alcohol experiment- which is to stay off alcohol for 28 days - and I am still off it 1 and a half years later. Never believed I could have done it. It might be worth a try for you. Good luck!

Thanks for checking in! I'm actually doing really well. I've kept busy but overall haven't given in and to be honest haven't even thought too much about it.

Feeling proud and determined. I've got this 💪🏼

It also feels great to not wake up with anxiety or a slight hangover