Tips for the first few weeks alcohol free

[Ilovewineitdoesntlovemeback]

I've been drinking 5ish bottles of wine a week.

I'm usually alcohol free on Sun/Mon then 3/4 of a bottle Tue/Weds then 1 bottle a night Thrs/Fri/Sat with a bit more thrown in when I go out.

I have a life that is both stressful and boring - job that I find dull but can do around my kids, I do 90% of domestic stuff as DH has big workload and I care for my very difficult elderly parents.

Wine is one of the few things I look forward to. However my consumption has crept up recently and as I'm getting older (43) I'm feeling so many side effects.

I wake up riddled with anxiety at 3am, I've gone from being pretty attractive to having a noticibly puffy face and rosacea, I am overweight despite having a healthy diet and exercise. I've recently started with joint and muscle pains that are much worse after drinking. I have anxiety and depression that are also much worse when I drink.

On Friday I popped into a friends house and ended up drinking at least 1.5 bottles of red. I was being sick all night and have never felt so bad - it's like my body is just rejecting the booze now. The weeks before this I'd had several heavy nights and could barely get out of bed, so shaky and tired. I went on an AI holiday in Oct and felt shattered for the whole thing as was in a drinking / hangover / drinking cycle.

So I need to stop! I want to do at least 30 days AF then hopefully see the benefits to carry on. I'm on day 3 now and tbh after being so ill I'm happy not to drink but I'm not kidding myself that when the weekend rolls around it will be so easy.

Can you please tell me your tips? How did you cope in the first weeks? I don't know whether to keep making social plans or just meet friends for coffee / lunch? I'd feel Ok telling good friends I'm not drinking and why but others less so.

Also tell me when you started seeing benefits? I'm hoping I'll be leaping out of bed next week with clear skin, head and a flat stomach (hahahha)

Thanks DaftFlerken I hope so much this feeling will pass.

Struggling again tonight and tempted to try moderation (hahaha)

Keep going, you’ve got this. Can you plan a nice treat for tomorrow to keep you on the straight and narrow? Really well done so far.

It won't always be this hard! It's just the early part of breaking a habit. The little beast of addiction is having an 'extinction burst', and thoughts of moderation will just keep it alive.

Imagine there's a roast chicken on your kitchen table... and your pet wants it. Do you close the door completely and say 'No roast chicken for you!' Or do you leave the door open a crack and say 'Now we all know it's there but you can't go in and have it, so control yourself...'. One of these things will end in chickengeddon...

So like that but with alcohol. Hope that helps! 😄

Srsly, though - let me reiterate - it won't always be this hard. You just need to hang on in there/self-care/distract/go through it and it WILL get better. 🙂

Following for tips. Did almost 10 months dry last year now back to a bottle of wine a night 5 nights a week.

Hello, @Ilovewineitdoesntlovemeback how is it going? I hope you are ok 😊

I’ve managed one week alcohol free today. Have had illness during that time unfortunately exacerbated by my three year old getting up early so sleep is an issue. I’m just done with ruminating and the hangxiety that drinking alcohol brings. My mind feels somewhat clearer in the morning but it’s early days… Haven’t been too tempted so far but I have a hen party at the end of April and a festival in May so we will see!
Im a wine, beer and gin lover so wondering if anyone has good alcohol free recommendations. I tried some alcohol free red wine at the weekend and never again!

I am 13 weeks sober and really struggling to stay sober. I see the benefits, better skin, lost weight etc, but I still miss the booze, I just feel so down, I just expected more …

Thanks for checking in Birdy1991 - yeah I hate AF stuff so no help!

I get you Touty - quitlit implies that sobriety is AMAZING but nothing is all the time.

My plan was always to do 1 month then see what I learnt from that as to what I did next.

So I have been drinking the last 2 weeks - not sure how I felt about it.

When I didn't drink I felt MUCH better in some ways - the thing I noticed most was better sleep and after the first few weeks I felt a lot more rested and resiliant emotionaly.

However I wouldn't say (beyond not looking shattered) my skin was loads better or I lost any weight. Bit disappointed as I was hoping for my 28 year old self to re-emerge!

The main problem was I was so bored. During the week that was fine as have loads to do with work / kids so just went to bed when they did and watched TV. But that's no life... I tried to make weekends special - making nice food / going somewhere on a Sat night where I couldn't drink (IKEA!) but still not relaxed as I would be with wine. Felt really flat. Then beat myself up about not taking up a new hobby (skydiving?!) to break the boredom.

It was Easter Holidays here last 2 weeks and we went away first week so I had a few gasses of wine every night and really enjoyed it but didn't go crazy. Then we got back and had various family issues and I've drunk through some of them. Ended up waking up at 3 most nights and not being able to get back to sleep... aches and pains come back... anxiety.

So back to not drinking for a bit.

Dunno how I feel about it all. A lot of the reason I drink to excess is because I'm in a difficult situation with my elderly parents. In short I've somehow ended up caring for F who was abusive (violent and very controlling) and still tries to control everything. I have a diagnosis of PTSD and drink to deal with the symptoms but I can't get rid of the syptoms with him in my life. But I can't get him out of my life as then my DM will be alone with him all day. It's impossible and not drinking won't sort that.

Do a lot of you who drink feel it's a coping mechanism that allows you to lead a life that otherwise would be unbearable? I can totally do moderation when I'm happy.

Sorry - that was long!

Totally understand, for me it just made everything a bit nicer eg cooking big prep intensive meals with a few glasses of wine or doing some gardening etc.

I still miss drinking at weekends & am 11 weeks sober. It's been an interesting journey & I realise how my weekend drinking had become too much & that some thing are just as enjoyable without drinking such as seeing friends or the ability to go out more & do things due to being able to drive. For me it's the drinking at home that I miss.

Same same same DaftFlerken - I just love watching a film at the weekend with a good bottle of red - I totally relax.

Or chatting with DH when we've both had a hard day at work and opening a bottle.

I could do the socialising stuff as distracted.

But really well done on 11 weeks!!!

@Ilovewineitdoesntlovemeback Main thing I would say is to stop talking about liking wine (just read your MN handle!! 😁) as then you're just reinforcing something you don't want. You won't believe yourself about this. You will think you really do love wine but it just makes things harder. Also get curious - what would need to happen for you to not feel deprived? (This is not a trick question ... it sits at the heart of why you drink.)

How is everyone doing?

I seem to have hopefully turned a corner, my mood has improved a lot since my last post, the cravings are definitely getting better etc. I don’t feel close to the edge of having a drink anymore.

14 weeks sober.

I am on day 7 now after drinking at least a bottle a night 7 days a week... I feel loads better as you can imagine but I am having to take a nytol to drift off. My go to drink at the moment is lime cordial and soda water. Hope your doing OK

Well done @Crazymummy1984 thats a fantastic start your doing really well.

I was drinking 1/2 bottles of wine every other day. I was tired, anxious, overweight, achy and fed up! I gave up drinking and managed a month, went back, then gave up and did 7 months, went back and now I'm on 6 months with the intention to never drink again! I feel so much better sober.
The early days of the first stint was the hardest. I had really strong cravings. Here's the things that helped:
Downing a drink of water/fizzy pop
Cleaning my teeth - signals to the brain that it's defo not drinking time!
Getting in the bath
Going for a walk
Driving to McDonald's/cafe for a hot chocolate (I don't usually go there but for some reason really craved their sugary treats!)
Watching a box set or even a YouTube video for distraction
Thinking if I still want a drink in half an hour I can have one (weirdly never did as the craving always passes! Actually remembering this helps too!)
Sticking on a meditation video.

Good luck everyone. The rewards are so worth it xx

This may have already been suggested but have you read Catherine Gray's book? The unexpected joy of being sober?

I found it life changing. I had serious alcohol issues and was drinking most days. I felt stuck in an awful rut. I used to wake up everyday feeling exhausted and ashamed but could never manage more than a few alcohol free days.

I started reading the book whilst on an all inclusive holiday back in 2019 and I've not drunk at all since then. I felt this was a real low point for me and just knew I couldn't continue as I was.

I would recommend buying it and at least giving it a go. She recommends a lot of other authors and websites than can help too if it doesn't strike a chord with you.

I am so glad that I stopped drinking and I can assure you it gets easier as time goes on.

There are loads of resources out there that promote sobriety and I found immersing myself in them in the early days was a lifesaver

I have just ordered this £3.90 used :) look forward to starting it. I'm on day 8 now and no cravings at all felt great... But now I'm craving lime and soda which isn't good lol