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[Lau8877]

Hi,
I posted a while back about doing my first alcohol free night. Didn't happen. Infact it's worse. I worked my notice at my job and waiting for a start date for my new job. I'm drinking 2 bottles of wine a night. Without fail. Sometimes I don't even want it, it's just a well, you can cos you're not up in the morning. I should state my sleeping pattern is shot to bits. So when I say a night, I mean from about 9pm to when I go to bed at about 4am.
It's just absolutely ridiculous. I know it is! And every morning I'm like, no. You look and feel like sh*t. But by 7pm I'm all up for it again.
What do I even do here. I feel trapped. I cant tell my friends, they'd be horrified. My partner of 10 years is infuriated.
Just at a total loss. Where does the motivation come from? I don't know why I'm doing it anymore.

I'm sorry you're in such pain but the fact you realise that this is a problem shows you're already on the right path.. you just need to act on this motivation and awareness that this can't carry on . There's going to be other people along who can give you more practice advice but as the daughter of an alcoholic who never quite kicked the habit I want to say how huge it is that you acknowledge there is a problem which he never did

Do you think it’s just habit ie “this is what I do in the evening” and can’t sort of shift out if it?

Yeah exactly that. I don't drink at all during the day. If I'm out for lunch or whatever I don't drink, have no desire to drink. It's purely when I'm sat on an evening, bored, with nothing else to do.

Empty house of alcohol, postpone the first drink (or going to buy it) by 5 minutes - repeatedly. You'll find after a certain point past your normal start time it will probably be a lot easier. You only ever have to not drink one day at a time, and at the start just postponing it to the next hour or next five minutes works.

However! This advice is not appropriate if you could be physically dependent and have serious withdrawals. How long have you been drinking two bottles a night? When did you last have a day or multiple days off and what happened?

When do you buy the wine? I'd start there and see if there's a way to delay/distract yourself so it's not just there.

My family member was a 2 bottles of wine a night drinker too. When she decided she wanted to stop she told trusted people and we wanted to help so we supported her.

The first few weeks, we spent what she called her 'witching hour' with her, chatting, watching tv etc. anything to distract from the call of the wine.

Could you ask your partner to do this? What do they do in the evening and could you do it with them?

Hey there, wanted to wish you luck. It is tough.

I was watching this panel discussion and they mentioned that a keto diet helps with addiction. s

It might be worth a try.

I get that. It’s a routine and when you get the lovely buzz you couldn’t give a shit then in the morning you think why have I done it again.

It sounds like you need to find something to fill your time in the evenings and to force yourself to bed to get back into a healthier routine.

What is something you used to love doing that you don't do anymore? What have you always wanted to do that you never thought you'd have time or energy to do? Figure out a way to make that your new evening routine.

If you've always wanted to run a marathon, do couch to 5K and go for your runs early evening. Or if you used to do painting or cross stich or whatever, but gave it up, get back into it. Or if you have been meaning to do a yoga course, sign up for an evening one now. Or take up trampolining. Something like that.

I got back into hiking, so would go on long hikes in the latter part of the day (was summer at the time!). Or go for a swim. I started to learn Spanish again. I would sometimes go take a class on a Friday or Saturday evening. And I forced myself to bed early, like as soon as the kids were asleep, to bed with a book, a cup of herbal tea. If your sleep pattern is really messed up, take an OTC sleeping tablet for a few days to help regulate you again. You just need to find your new habits and your new routine.

It's absolutely possible. I was drinking 3 bottles of wine every night when I stopped. It took a few weeks to really get the hang of the new habits, but it helped a lot just to give myself something new to do.

Thanks for the replies everyone.
Honestly it's been a few years since I had an alcohol free night. Some nights haven't been as bad in terms of intake. But never fully alcohol free. Even with work the next day I'd have a bottle. It's over a few hours so I wasn't drunk or anything but yeah, withdrawal concerns me a lot.
Mindutopia - did you experience withdrawal?
I definitely need to start with a new routine. And I'm full of it at this time of day. Then it gets to about 7pm and I'm off to the shop. And drink from about 9pm onward and bed when it's finished. I also postpone my dinner until I'm finished the wine. It's just crept up on me and it is now really affecting me. I'm so tired in the mornings. Anything before midday is just a no go right now since I finished my job. It's a nightmare

So what time do you have dinner?

Oh like stupid times. 3am ish. Just watch whatever series, have the wine then eat. It's a bad bad routine

@Lau8877 how are you doing now ? X

Still the same. I'm in a strange place with my partner as well. So, he works away. When he's home he wants s*x every day. Takes me out for dinner, we have a lovely time. I cant say I want it as much as he does but because he's home for 3 days I feel obligated. So I do.
The day he gets home, like today, he launches into I cant believe you're still drinking, I'm so frustrated, I won't speak to you this week unless you have quit. I absolutely understand his frustration. But the emotional turnaround is crazy. He's all lovey when he's home. He likes a drink and an occasional smoke (not cigarettes) when he's here, and I just see it as its fine to have a drink with him. And he doesn't say anything. Now I've been cut off again and told I've got overweight, im a 'sloth', I'm nearly 37 and not pregnant. A lot of hard to hear stuff. But when he's home, he's all about the bedroom and the pub. It's really confusing for me

Sorry when I say when he gets home, I mean to where he works. And I won't see him for 10 days. Whereby he onslaughts me for 40 minutes at a time because he threatens to tell my brother and friends about my drinking issue. So I have to stay on the phone and listen to how badly I'm failing

Maybe you would do better without this guy in your life

And sorry to rant. I'm not seriously overweight. I was 10 stone and yes, I've gained about 6 stone. He goes on like I cant fit through the door for my drinking. When he's here he's one person. And when he goes back to work, another. I cant help but think he has no incentive to be nice to me, ie s*x. I just don't know, because I understand his frustration.

I'm starting to think the same. 10 years we've been together. He acts like one person at home and another when he's back at work. I just feel like my head is scrambled

Ok op. Stop blaming him for your drinking - he is a separate issue and all youre doing is using his bad traits to justify your drinking to yourself.

whats your plan for stopping? Have you got a work start date yet?

I really feel for you because I know how it is. It's habits that are hard to break, and then stresses that "add on" (partner) that make you want to pick up the bottle. Coupled with "nothing spoiling" if you don't get up at 8am, and easy access to booze, you have got a bit of a toxic mix. I drink every other night, and get twitchy if I can't. I drink until I am sufficiently drunk to go to bed (often 3am - like you a late drinker) and sleep. Next day, I am knackered, eat badly, and don't achieve amazing things, but I do function OK. Night 2 I go to bed really early, often 9pm, and wake the following morning at 6am and do really put in a high performing approach all day until the evening, when I feel tired and pleased with my efforts, I reward myself with a drink, and repeat. The only things that have worked so far are a) take myself out of it completely (i rarely feel the need to drink on holiday, and in 4 weeks in India last year I only drank twice because it was not that easy to do and I don't like beer, but realise we cannot all be on holiday all the time) b) don't go in the room you normally drink in, it is the habit thing that gets you c) buy lower alcohol percentage stuff, doesn't help with the habit, but helps with the damage d) don't eat after drinking, or if you absolutely have to, have "here is what I have prepared earlier - bottle of water and some snack that you quite like, but not horrific in calories. e) don't drink if you don't need to, save your times. Another poster has mentioned the 5 minute thing and I think this is right, if you can get beyond the five minutes that you would normally go the shop and buy alcohol, you will eventually get past your normally habitual drinking time and have to move on, shop closed etc. Other posters have also mentioned other things to occupy your time, also helpful, And yes, 2 bottles a night forever is enough to give you withdrawal, so be careful about that, but if you don't want medical advice, then reducing slowly should help. Every unit less is worth doing. I wish you luck, you will be able to do it you know. xx

Hi, there would be 3 main motivations for me here. Number one is how dramatically better you would feel mentally and physically if you were able to break the habit, the sleep alone becomes a joy again like when you were a child. Two, the cost, even at £7.50 a bottle that's £5500 a year. Three, at some stage maybe not for a while but you will get poorly from this. I wish you every success with this, it's a terrible drug that is just socially acceptable but it is a drug nonetheless.

Thanks so much for this. I relate to all of it and need to stop giving in so easily, especially with the free time I have off at the moment.
Thank you to the other posters. I am spending fortunes on the stuff. I have squandered most of my inheritance from my dad's passing (who died of liver cirrhosis). I haven't coped with that well, at all.