I need to stop

[Fairyhair]

I'm currently drinking 1 -2 bottles of wine a night. I've enjoyed one glass of wine in the evening for years, but in this last year things have escalated. I drank 2 bottles last night and had to drop my son at football with a cracking hangover this morning. I've gone back to bed.
I can't carry on like this, my sleep is terrible, my mood today is so low and I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
I work full time, have horses, dogs, chickens, 2 lovely kids and an amazing partner. I function. So, what's missing?
I feel bored in the evenings if dont drink. Even though I have plenty to do.
I'm unsure about just stopping, so I'm going to reduce over a couple of weeks. I just hope I can do this.

Hi OP, I highly recommend the app 'Reframe' to help reduce or stop drinking. It helps address why you are drinking and the very question you have asked, and also sets out the science behind the effect of alcohol on your mind and body. It's helped me massively and today I have been alcohol free for 25 days. It also gives access to an online community for support.

You absolutely can stop. And your life will be so much better. You just have to take the leap of faith.

You actually sound so much like me - I also have horses, chickens, 2 kids, lovely home and dh. Actually what I found was that I wasn't used to just relaxing and enjoying life. I was always run off my feet. And drinking was what I did to unplug from it all. And also run from the painful stuff that I was carrying around with me (even when things look great on the surface, there can be heavy stuff underneath).

What helped me was to find something to do in those 'drinking hours'. I took walks. I did the horses. I listened to podcasts. I went for swims. I read quit lit. I joined an online support group (Bee Sober) and chatted to other women on there.

Honestly, life is so much better. I can't imagine now having a drink, as it would just add nothing to my life. I couldn't imagine how I could enjoy life without drinking, but looking back, I think it's amazing I enjoyed life at all back then! I was truly so miserable. I wished I'd known how much better things would be.

All that being said, if you want my personal opinion, just stop. You don't need to taper off. I don't think you are drinking so much that it would be unsafe to stop. Sometimes we convince ourselves that there is a reason not to stop right away and that keeps us on that treadmill. Just stop and launch into your new life.

Stop for your kids sake. It’s really harmful for them to grow up seeing you addicted to alcohol, being grumpy, hungover, not fully present, unhealthy.

You were also most likely over the limit driving your son so agree with the op saying just stop now. Quit like a woman helped me and there’s some great instagram accounts that helped too- sober dave, sassysobermum, also podcasts if that’s your thing. Stock up on some nice teas/ cordials/ tonics. Try to find something else to do and also just accept that it’s boring and uncomfortable but that’s the way it will be for a bit. I’m over two years alcohol free now and there really is a freedom that comes with it. My ability to deal with things has also been transformed. Good luck. You can absolutely do this and remember when you get to day 2,3 etc how you felt on day 1 and how much you wanted to get there, and have.

Thank you all. SiriAlexa, I got the app. I agree, my kids will have a better me x

I'm in the same boat and really feel for you. It's the worst. Losing hours of the day for feeling hungover.
I think we should start a challenge of some description if anyone else wants to join in. Cut it down and cut it off somehow

It's horrible, isn't it? All that wasted time? I think that's one of the huge factors for me, I've cancelled stuff because I'm "unwell" and not enjoyed other things as I could have.

I didn't drink yesterday, and feel a bit clearer today. Taking my boys out for the day, then cooking a roast and keeping busy tidying up this evening 🤞

How did yesterday go OP? I hope you’re feeling a little better x

Hi @Fairyhair how are you today?

I had half a bottle yesterday, but still nowhere near what i have been having. I have no alcohol in the house now, and I'm not buying any today. Thank you x

That’s great progress!

I agree, really good progress!

I’m in the same position as OP (without the chickies) :-) but stopping dead can be dangerous? No?

Hi there @Asyoulikeit123

How are you? You're right that stopping drinking without medical support can be dangerous if you are drinking consistently high amounts.

Have you explored stopping?

It certainly can be dangerous if you are physically addicted - seizures can be fatal. For anyone drinking dependently, please don't just stop. Seek medical advice through your GP or local alcohol service, who may offer community detoxes.
Invest time into your recovery; try mutual aid, (SMART, 12 Step, Lifering). They also have online groups that are running most hours of the day. If you're really struggling with urges to drink, call a friend who knows what you're trying to achieve, or a helpline.
As someone else mentioned, it's important to fill the time when you would usually drink with a safe alternative that helps to distract you from the cravings.
I was a physically dependent drinker for over 10 years, and it was a complete nightmare. Coming up to 8 years sober and life is so much better on every level 😊.
It will take time. Be patient and be honest with yourself. If you have a lapse, (they're very common and part of the process), learn from it and move on.
Good luck.

Respectfully, the OP has to do it for themselves. They have to really want it. As a recovery worker, I've seen so many people who come to our service and say they want to stop drinking/using drugs for the sake of their children. In an ideal world, this would be motivation enough, but in reality the pull of an addictive substance overrides even the best of intentions. Alcohol changes the brain's chemistry and it's a full time job to stay sober for those in early recovery.
Unless you've walked a mile in someone's shoes, and understand the nature of addiction, it's probably not helpful to leave judgey comments like this!