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Alcohol support

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Functioning alcoholic

4 replies

Needablueskyholiday · 13/02/2024 20:51

Please don’t bash me. I’m looking for support not criticism, I already hate myself 99% of the time.

So bit of context, under psychiatric care for PND. Basically been told to stop drinking but having been drinking a bottle of wine a night for years (except when pregnant and BF) I am worried I’m a functioning alcoholic. I’m embarrassed to admit about 15.00 everyday, I start thinking about opening a bottle and the mini happiness buzz it gives me. Basically psychiatrist has said if I stop drinking they’ll have to refer me to additional support to get professional help to stop. I’m embarrassed and worried what they think of me as a mother. Please share your stories how you stopped which is essentially a bad habit, which has got out of control?

OP posts:
Onewildandpreciouslife · 14/02/2024 07:02

For me, I always had a poor relationship with alcohol, and a 3 year period of various stresses, lockdown, health and family issues pushed it into disastrous. I had moderate to severe depression, was on ADs, and my husband was in tears about my drinking. I was probably drinking more than you are now.

3 things helped me. First, reading. Many people find understanding why that 3pm voice is kicking in, really helpful. My recommendations are The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley, the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray, and This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

Second, measurable achievement- I downloaded the TryDry App, but there are others. Just ticking off each day sober gave me a huge boost.

Finally, finding a group. This does not necessarily mean AA, although that works for many people. I joined the “alcohol free life” thread on here, and the Dry January and Beyond Facebook group. There are also SMART recovery groups which meet in person and online.

Anyway, I’m now coming up for 2 years sober. I came off the ADs about a year ago, and my lifelong anxiety has reduced to an amazing extent.

If I can do it, you can. Good luck

mindutopia · 14/02/2024 10:17

Drop the language of ‘functioning alcoholic’. It’s not helpful and what does it even mean? I know lots of alcoholics and all of us were functioning, except we weren’t. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to need help or to be better off if you stopped drinking. And if you are struggling so much you’re under psychiatric care, you aren’t functioning. So stop trying to slap a label on it.

That said, at a bottle of wine a day, you won’t be physically dependent, as in can’t stop without medical support. You will be able to stop safely if you choose and you have the right support.

I would think about what you can fill that 3pm+ time with when you’d normally be drinking. It sounds like you likely have a young baby, can you plan to be out of the house every afternoon from 3pm? Do you have a partner who is around in late afternoons who could take baby while you go to the gym, take a class, go for a walk/run, meet a friend for a cuppa, listen to a (sober) podcast?

And then look for support. AA is one option, but only you know if that’s the right fit for you (it didn’t really suit me). I liked Bee Sober and they have online groups every day. Something as simple as following sober accounts on Instagram may help you find a local community and some support. Create a separate private instagram if you don’t want it mixing with you normal friends and family.

Initially, you just need to muscle through and quit, but don’t do it alone. You will feel so much better once you quit. I was drinking 3 bottles of wine every day. I felt awful and I hated my life. I was listening to a podcast and the guest said that when she was drinking, someone told her if she didn’t want to stop, to write a letter to her kids to explain why she chose alcohol over them.

I said, right, nope, I can’t do that. So I stopped. You absolutely can do it, but find other people doing it to. Because it’s so much easier when you aren’t alone.

BodenCardiganNot · 22/02/2024 10:07

How much is it costing you every week?

Skinhorse · 22/02/2024 10:19

I think you need to find out why you drink. Is this something you could explore with your psychiatrist? Once you know this, you can address the root issue. If you replace that hole in your life with the right thing, you'll have much higher chance of successfully quitting.

For me, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, turned out I was over stimulated and hyper at the end of the day. I was self medicating to calm myself. Hate that I was doing this for 20+ years 😞 Started on meds, turns out I don't even like alcohol and now living life in full colour. Address the why OP, what are you getting from it? What do you really need? All the best.

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