I drank again

[Haveabreakhavea]

Attempted dry January, got to today and drank most of a bottle of wine as my husband was drinking and it made me crave a drink, thought what’s the point.

Then all of a sudden something clicked and I threw the rest of the bottle down the sink.
Drinking that wine felt pointless to be honest and now I feel like a failure. I only managed 6 days. Ruined it

Just start again tomorrow. Its a blip. You're allowed them and you did 6 days. Well done!

Turn it around to say- well done, I managed 6 days. Now I will do more… and just start again. It’s not a competition… it’s a choice you make every day. Maybe even many times a day. You can do this 💪🏻❤️🌹

The whole point is that you know yourself better now. OK so your DH drinking near you is a trigger. What do you do about that trigger?

That 'what's the point?' Thought is soooo common. Write a list of the points and read it before you have a drink. What are the points?

Listen, I'm on my own journey to overcome a few things. Don't be so hard on urself!! I keep saying, the fact that we re all here trying, that means something. I've failed so many times, but I keep thinking that at least I'm trying. At least U want to do better. At least you want a better life. Ur gonna have blips, as the last person said. It's ok. Dust urself off and try try try again. Just like we're all doing. Believe me, Ur not the only one to blip. Love that word btw!!,🤗🤗🤗

You haven’t ruined it. You’ve had a slip up and had a useful reminder that it’s not worth it as you didn’t even enjoy it. Don’t completely fall off the wagon over a few glasses of wine. Will your husband give up as well to support you? You’ve got no chance if there’s still alcohol in the house and he’s drinking. Also what may help is one of the dry January apps. I’ve got one that tells me how many days I’ve managed to stay dry, how many units I’ve saved, how much money I’ve saved, plus (my favourite) how many calories I’ve saved each day I’ve not drank. Even if I ‘fail’ one night, I can see that since xmas I’ve still saved over £100, over 100 units and over 5000 calories. Even after a slip up I can still see the progress I’ve made

Come and join us on the dry Jan thread in chat, lots of support there for you to get back on the wagon

Rather than thinking I broke DJ so what's the point start changing your inner voice.

You have been AF for 6 days. Now tell yourself you are doing great and today will be 7th AF.

You can't change yesterday or tomorrow but you can change today.

Hello, rule number one is be kind to yourself! Nothing is ruined at all

I am on the thread no alcohol in 2024 plus I use an all called I am sober - pledge in morning and evening. Have an excellent booze free week - but remember it is a marathon not a sprint and you are human and thus fallible

Then all of a sudden something clicked and I threw the rest of the bottle down the sink.
Drinking that wine felt pointless

I'd call that a success.

If you hadn't have drunk, you wouldn't have had that turning point. Move on and learn from it 👏

I spent some time on an app last year that would reframe this "failure" as a data point. So now you know that your DH drinking has the potential to trigger you to drink. What are you going to do with that information?

You sound like you're really trying so don't give up now!

Not ruined!

You did 6 days, and now you can do another 6 days!

It's not failure, it's learning 😁

6 days is brilliant

Now on with day 1 of 7 days AF

It's perfectly ok - as a pp said, you now know you can do 6 days! That's absolutely amazing!! 💐💐

You can start over at any time - this time you're more prepared and you can get lots of support from Mumsnet!

Thanks everyone, it’s given me the kick to start again!!

I'm in the same boat... Had not had a drink since before Christmas, thought I'd reached an understanding with myself that it does me no good etc... bought a bottle as a "treat" yesterday and drank it over a period of a good few hours, with food etc, not my usual down as quick as I can, so thought I'd be ok. Just been out mucking out and I feel awful! Hoping it teaches me that it still does me no good and isn't the friend and coping mechanism I think it is

You don't have to zero the account, you've earned those 6 days, now keep going.
Make a diary note of what triggered the desire, you said your husband was drinking so but how were you feeling? It's useful to make connections with your triggers so you can pre empt them with a distraction or healthier alternative.

What can OP do when her DP has a drink? This is a similar trigger for me. How do you avoid saying yes?!

I have asked my DH not to offer or ask if I want wine during DJ.

I am pouring myself tonic with cordial into a wine glass so I have something to sip in the evening as I find that helps with the habit.

And there is only so much liquid I can drink so after that I typically lose the urge even if DH has a glass.

Alternatives:
Go to another room and do another activity

Be out at the gym when it's his drinking time

Buy yourself nice drinks and serve them with a nice snack or in a nice glass for example virgin mojito or cordial or virgin bloody mary or alcohol free beer or hot chocolate with all the trimmings. I'm a cheap date and like a diet coke with a nice straw and a slice of lemon wedged on the rim. Diet sprite with lime or lemon slice and ice

Go have a bath or shower and do multistep skin routine or if you had dinner go clean your teeth

If he won't stop tempting you or is always drinking it can make you realise things about your relationship to each other and to alcohol. If he drinks sensibly and doesn't offer you then it makes things easier. My DH drinks a lot most evenings, I just go and do my own thing. Watch tv elsewhere or go to bed early.

You need to have something that you look foward to like a dessert or a book or watching something and get absorbed by that activity.

Not a failure, but validation that you're on track to quit, really quit, as you didn't enjoy it and felt it was pointless drinking it, so now you know that you'll be less likely to WANT to join your DH with a drink.

Onwards and upwards!