Boozy colleagues

[cassy10]

I work in sales for a finance firm in the city. The team of ten I am in are very booze orientated with trips out to the pub today and plans to 'get on it' next Friday. We are all in our 40's and a mix of men and women. They have called me boring and a killjoy for saying I am doing dry Jan. I want to give up as I am a classic binge drinker and can go weeks without drinking and then when I do drink - it's blackout central and awful fear and anxiety the next day.

Has anyone got any strategies or words of wisdom for dealing with boozy colleagues? I have only been at the firm for six months and am worried about peer pressure and not fitting in. I am keeping in mind my why but also wish there was a person like me on the team. There is a WhatsApp group which is full of memes of people being pissed and it's making me feel anxious. Does that sound stupid?

Thanks all

Mute the whatsapp and archive it so you dont see it.

just stick to your why. Dont give into peer pressure. Do dry jan, youll feel fantastic by the end of january

It might sound a bit blunt, but you're in your 40's. You have to care less about being labelled as boring. You're not a teenager needing to fit in, you're a grown ass adult working a paid job.

I can't understand adults putting this kind of pressure on each other. Your colleagues are incredibly immature and would drive me up the wall.

Just don't let it bother you - it's water off a duck's back for someone who has any kind of self assurance/ personal resilience.

Ultimately you will respect yourself more and they'll eventually respect your choice and leave you alone. If not, maybe find a different job with people who don't behave like 18 year olds who have just discovered alcohol.

I think I'd probably go along to the pub and have a couple of becks blue or some other drink that's not OBVIOUSLY alcohol free and then just head off rather than drawing attention to it if it were me. Would that be an option? Obviously if you think you'd end up drinking alcohol then don't do that.

The older I get the more I find it completely awful to see people that completely drunk.

You're going the right thing.

Agree with pp and mute and archive the chat.

If it annoys me, I don’t do it anymore. Works drinks with colleagues who hassle me about not drinking. I’d just say no. It’s not worth the aggro.

Or could you suggest something else that doesn’t involve drinking? There’s an episode of the podcast One for the Road with a guy who gave up drinking who worked in a city finance job (sorry I can’t remember his name but I’m sure you could find it if you looked). He was out entertaining clients with alcohol most nights. When he got sober, he decided to start offering clients things to do that didn’t involve alcohol, like a boot camp class or a surfing experience. And they loved it! It turns out they were sick of all the drinking too and his career took off because he started doing something really innovative for clients that everyone else wasn’t doing.

You might be surprised that some of the bravado from colleagues is more an act than you thought. Maybe they’d love a spin class or crazy golf or rowing or something?

It is really irritating! Most of my friends are heavy drinkers, and there is quite a strong drinking culture at work. BUT I’m over 18 months sober now, so it’s much easier.
If they are dismissive of Dry January, they are really very immature. You don’t need to justify yourself to them, but I would put money on you having to have at least one conversation where they either justify their drinking, or tell you how drinking makes them miserable and they’ve been thinking of cutting down. No words of wisdom I’m afraid, but you’re doing something which your body and mind will thank you for!

Mute + archive the chat. Stick to your guns. When they mock you, laugh and agree with them "Yeah I'm a total fun sponge".

Nothing to stop you going out with them and staying on the softs if you feel comfortable doing so but I'd be vigilant about spiking as a "joke"

You are doing the right thing. I do understand the feeling of being left out though. I work with mostly 20 - mid 30s. They go out for drinks most weekends. I am older and spend time with my family and other friends.

It does piss me off that they are so cliquey. But I just remind myself that it is a place of work, not a university halls.

I think this is Andy Ramage - the one year no beer guy as well. It’s a good episode! I am in the city as well and I can tell you that so so many more people are low key in booze than they used to be. It’s hard when a team sounds as entrenched in it as they are but coming up with something different that is equally as play hard sounds like a great idea. Otherwise I would bet there’s at least one or two who are not as keen as you think.

Maybe just make them feel old “hassling about booze mate? That’s a bit 90s isn’t it?” I tried something similar on a colleague who was trying to say people should be in the office irrespective of how ill they were, shut him up quick!

OYNB (one year no beer) are brill btw! Theres a facebook group

I am well behaved at work drinks, much more well behaved than with my friends.

I set myself strategies like I have to leave by 8pm or I can only have 3 drinks in total, that kind of thing.

Personally, I would just say that you have a medical issue which means you cannot drink at the moment. Then refuse any other details and stick to your guns in a lighthearted way.

They cannot, under HR law, ask you anyway.

Thank you. Once you give up the booze, it really shines a light on behaviours that you (me) used to engage in that you just think 'eurgh' to that now. Don't get me wrong, that was 100% me as well, getting pissed at leaving do's and turning up hungover at work the next day or spending all Sunday in bed after a big night out in town but now the thought of that gives me massive ick.

I think I need to find 'my people' outside of that team. I think you're right as well, there must be some people in the team who are tired of it all.

I'll look up that podcast episode too. Thanks all

I say that alcohol makes me horrifically anxious the next couple of days, so you've knocked it on the head.

I really wish workplaces would get on top of sober shaming. It’s absolutely not acceptable to frame someone as boring because they don’t want to poison themselves.

I appreciate the issue OP. I work in the City too and everything centres around alcohol.

Something that might help is just being candid with people, eg sorry mate I'm off the booze for a while because it always gets messy and can't cope with hangovers in my old age, haha. I think a lot of people will understand and empathise with that. But ultimately you need to have the confidence and resilience in yourself to do to it even if people put pressure on you or take the piss out of you. What's more important, your wellbeing or fitting in?