Finished day 2, I nearly failed

[tofeelgood]

I’m on day 2 after my drinking creeped up over Christmas. I can’t seem to have a couple of drinks a week, it creeps up to everyday every time so doing dry jan.
I thought why am I doing this so bought a bottle of wine and I really wanted it but I didn’t open it.
I can’t believe I nearly failed on day 2, maybe I do need to cut back :(

You can do this. Believe in yourself. Better times are in reach. Can you return the wine?

I'm with you! I was sober until late November but sadly decided at some point "I'll have a few drinks around Christmas". Unfortunately this gave my brain an obsession that meant I had my first drinks late November and continued until Monday, with peaks of about 6-7 standard drinks a night. Like you, I could not moderate. But I am viewing it as a valuable learning experience. To be honest, I have never really believed that moderation was impossible. I thought it was a matter of will power, but now I just see that I have a quite impulse and compulsive pattern of thinking which prevents that and it's good that I know that.

Good luck to you!

Well done. You succeeded!

But you didn't fail, it was a small win.

Do you have a ‘witching hour’..? Mine is between 4 and 6 when I’m thinking about cooking tea and cooking it. If I can get past that time then I’m ok. I’m doing Dry January too..pour the wine down the sink and congratulate yourself. Check out The Alcohol Experiment with Annie Gray.

I’m just starting today. You done so well not opening the wine, I’d be tempted to give it away or pour it down the sink.

For me moderation does not look the same as moderation for someone who can drink sensibly. It’s from years and years of conditioning (my family are big drinkers).

I have committed to a full year AF. I have done it before. If I commit to only 1 month I’m always obsessing about the time when I can drink again however, a year seems so far away.

Its hard. I’ve changed my routine and I am now going to the gym in the evening instead of the morning. I’m not preparing dinners that I know will trigger my craving for alcohol.

I really want to do it this year though and that is the main motivator.

I don’t want alcohol to control my life anymore.
Perimenopause and taking a year off work will help me though. I’m 50 this year and I want my 50’s to be different and the only way I feel I can achieve this is by going AF as I turn 50 for 1 year.

Be kind to yourself. Don’t set yourself unrealistic goals. There are so many factors to consider. Alcohol for some of us is a lifetime battle even if we are not physically addicted the psychological addiction is so powerful too.

Good luck 👍

I found the dry january app really motivating last year, it is silly but being able to tick the box and keep the streak was enough on some days to make the difference.

Good luck!

I just copied this from a book I'm reading, which might be helpful to you/ others.

Those Two Days
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension. One of those days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday has gone beyond recall. The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promises, and perhaps its poor performance. Tomorrow is beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn. This leaves only one day: today. Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives men mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday or the dread tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time.

Put the wine on a shelf and every time you look at it remind yourself you didn't open it then, so you won't now.

Hi. I'm also doing dry January but aiming to continue beyond. I struggle to moderate and have definitely been using alcohol to block out how I've been feeling. However I now feel in the right headspace to deal with those feelings and problems. Well done for not drinking the wine!

Thanks everyone. I’ve woken up this morning not fuzzy and I’m glad I didn’t drink it!

yes I didn’t think of like that but now I’ve realised I do! It’s when having/making dinner , I always crack open the wine when having dinner. so need to prepare for that and have some alternatives available.

You did 2 dry days!! You didn't fail, but succeeded! I call that a massive win, so well done!

I too am doing Dry January this year for the second time running. I use the Try Dry App to log my days. Everyone who is doing Dry January struggles the first few days and sometimes even weeks, so know that you are not alone and reach out for support if you need you need it.

@TheBuggerlugs

Alcohol isn't addictive in the way nicotine is, many people can drink in moderation just fine, I think it's partly just how some people's brains are wired. Will power is a thing though, I can fancy another drink but my willpower kicks in and says no you will regret that. My ex didn't have that inner strength. No blame being apportioned just that humans vary in reaction to alcohol

There is a DJ thread, offering each of us support! Head over there, it's really useful
I'm in day 3, have been drinking most evenings since COVID so finding DJ hard but determined to get to the end!

Well done for not drinking it!

I really think you MUST get rid of the bottle though, otherwise you're setting yourself up to fail by having it in the house. Next time you have the urge to give in you won't have the walk to the shop to break the mental urge, the wine will just be sitting there. You're not going to drink it, you're teetotal for Jan, so what's the point of keeping it? It cost what, £6-£8, that's a small price to pay to stay on track. Pour it down the sink asap!!

On day 3 here also. I still have drink in the house but no wine which is my usual go to. Not been sleeping too great but my blood pressure feels more normal. I do feel I need motivation however. Two years ago I managed 22 days, last year managed 16 days. Really keen to do the full 31 days.

How you getting on @tofeelgood ?

Honestly - not good. I lasted a week. I want to try again. Finding this tougher than I thought which concerns me :(

@tofeelgood a weeks better than nothing! Better than a lot of people would have lasted.

I have seen a new trend of people picking a week every month to stay completely sober. That way by the end of the 12 months you'll have been at least 3 months sober overall.

Equally though just because you've had a blip you can always carry on from now. A small hump doesn't make a mountain unless you let it.

You can do it. Don’t give up. You’ve done brilliantly and had a wobble. Focus on what you’ve achieved rather than what you haven’t.

@whereaw i love that passage - which book are you reading?

You lasted a week - a whole 7 days - thats brilliant

So you didnt do a month straight but nothing but you is stopping you from trying for another 7 days - from tomorrow?

When I first started in recovery after a detox way back in '99, seriously there were days where I was just getting through a minute at a time , seriously sitting on my hands, just willing myself to get through the next minute, then the next, without reaching for a drink. Its not always that bad mind :)

I did 12 years

I was back in therapy today, day nine of being dry again - yes after 12 years, I went back on the drink and it slowly crept up and then lockdown happened and up till Jan 2nd this year, I hadn't had a dry day since Grand National day 2019

I know I am a better person without a drink, but hell I love a drink :)

I dont think I will ever stop trying to quit, this might last a month, might last 12 years again. What I do know is I will get back on the wagon after every fall.

Alcohol is actually more addictive than heroin. Really! Do not feel terrible about doing a week, it's an amazing start.

I'd go again but look at some quit lit:

The unexpected joy of being sober
Alcohol Explained
This Naked Mind
(All good on audiobooks too)

I've been on/off with alcohol free stints for the past few years. At the first major quit, I really struggled to get beyond a few days, then managed a month, then 90 days, then a year.

Never say never, but I ended up going back through boredom, a bit of peer pressure too. My consumption builds up again, I put on weight, feel sluggish. So back on it for January!

The first days are the worst. It gets easier when you start to feel better and even see positives of being AF.