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Original poster

Struggling after argument with brother.

22 replies

Ballsy · 30/12/2023 16:37

Ive not had a drink since this day last year. I was on 2-3 bottles of wine a day before I stopped drinking. Mainly I’ve found this year great although I admit this last month has been been harder than the others.
I had a big argument with my brother yesterday. He’s so aggressive and entitled. It’s been the same shit for years and today decades of anger has risen in me. I feel like I’m struggling to contain in. I just want to drink and I don’t want to drink. I’m going to fail on the eve of my year of sobriety. Fuck.

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 30/12/2023 16:39

No you’re not. Go and have a bath and a cup of tea. Go to bed early if necessary.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/12/2023 16:42

Do you have to remain in contact with him? It sounds like it is time to cut him out of your life just as you have done with the alcohol. You don’t have to keep things in your life that don’t serve you! Don’t let him ruin all you have achieved, he isn’t worth it. Instead make a plan for how you can distance yourself from home. Maybe next year as well as being 2 years alcohol free you can be one year toxic-sibling free too.

IrisBearded · 30/12/2023 16:43

If you drink now, you will still have the same problem with your brother. It will be even more magnified because of the drink.

Remember why you stopped in the first place. The anxiety, the self hatred, the fear. You can do this. Drink tea not booze. Eat some of your favourite food or put something on TV to take your mind off it.

Problems are so much easier to deal with sober. You know this and you've got this!

TwilightSkies · 30/12/2023 16:45

You won’t drink. Because you know it solves nothing, makes you feel like shit AND you’d massively regret it.

Original poster
Ballsy · 30/12/2023 16:49

Thank you everyone so much for replying. You’re all right. I’m playing it forward and I know drinking is only doing to make it worse. I’m desperately trying to cling on to that. I just need to get through today.
its such a toxic relationship. He’s always been so controlling and angry. Even as a kid. He falls out with lots of people. I luckily don’t see him that much.

OP posts:
Onewildandpreciouslife · 30/12/2023 16:49

No you’re not. You just want an escape from the intense feelings. Can you find another release? Loud music helps me - what works for you?

Original poster
Ballsy · 30/12/2023 16:53

I might go for a walk with my headphones on. I think I’ll listen to Hole song loudly if I find somewhere deserted enough.
Just made a cup of tea. I am so worked up I can’t even think of the basics.
Thank you.

OP posts:
LimaDelta · 30/12/2023 16:54

It will taste horrible and be an admission that he has hurt you. Carry on as strong as you have been. Don’t do it. Distract yourself with a brisk walk, a shower, a programme on tv.

Changingplace · 30/12/2023 16:57

Going for a walk with some great music sounds like a brilliant idea, take out your energy on that instead.

Dont waste your brilliant year of not drinking on your brother, it would be such a waste, you can do it.

Original poster
Ballsy · 30/12/2023 16:59

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond.
The tea actually tastes therapeutic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballsy · 30/12/2023 17:00

I don’t feel as in danger of drinking as I did 30 mins ago.
Thank you for talking me down.

OP posts:
coolkatt · 30/12/2023 17:08

just don't do it. your brother is NOT WORTH UR SOBRIETY!!!
you have done amazing!!!!!!!! you've been brilliant, please don't ruin it, you will absolutely HATE yourself in the morning. you've gotten way way way too far to let one person derail you. come on babe give yourself a shake, you can get over this, get distracting yourself, get out the house, go visit a mate, anything to take your mind off it, even go to bed, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! 🫶🏻

TheIoWfairy · 30/12/2023 17:13

Eat!! Lots! Now!

LunaLovegoodsLeftEyebrow · 30/12/2023 17:16

Well done @Ballsy
Play it forward is a great plan.

As is exercise and tea.

And posting here. I’m 4 years and one day into sobriety, still occasionally triggered like mad, still have to distract myself and ask for support.

Well done for hanging in there x

ohdamnitjanet · 30/12/2023 17:18

Ballsy · 30/12/2023 16:49

Thank you everyone so much for replying. You’re all right. I’m playing it forward and I know drinking is only doing to make it worse. I’m desperately trying to cling on to that. I just need to get through today.
its such a toxic relationship. He’s always been so controlling and angry. Even as a kid. He falls out with lots of people. I luckily don’t see him that much.

A year without a drink is just amazing, you should be super proud. Please don’t let a wanky bloke ruin it, whoever he is. You don’t have to see or speak to him again, especially if he is going to ruin your sobriety. Family is not the be all and end all. Good luck.

anythinginapinch · 30/12/2023 18:20

Don't don't drink cos then your brother has not only been a twat he's actually caused you to betray your best self. If that makes sense. And you'll wake tomorrow angry with himAND yourself.

Original poster
Ballsy · 30/12/2023 18:37

Thank you all so much for your kind and wise words. I’m back from a stomp round the streets and I’m feeling calmer. Will have a bath and then watch a film in bed with nice snacks.
I was honestly feeling so tense and angry. I really couldn’t see my way down. Thank you. Thank you.
Obviously I have a lot of work to do regarding relationship with my brother and how to deal with any contact in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballsy · 31/12/2023 09:48

Didn’t drink.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 31/12/2023 09:52

Just seen this, but well done for yesterday. And for the last year, an amazing thing you’ve achieved.

IrisBearded · 31/12/2023 12:46

So happy you didn't drink, I can imagine you're thanking yourself for that decision today. As a fellow one year sober person (tomorrow) keep on going sober into 2024 despite what this life is throwing at you.

OhGetFucked · 31/12/2023 13:03

Yay, well done!

Living well is the best revenge and all that. Don't waste your amazing achievement on a dick.

pikkumyy77 · 31/12/2023 13:10

Ballsy · 30/12/2023 16:49

Thank you everyone so much for replying. You’re all right. I’m playing it forward and I know drinking is only doing to make it worse. I’m desperately trying to cling on to that. I just need to get through today.
its such a toxic relationship. He’s always been so controlling and angry. Even as a kid. He falls out with lots of people. I luckily don’t see him that much.

Good for you for using your hard won skills to overcome the urge to drink. I want to go back to your experience of your brother as a trigger. Sometimes its useful to look at ghe pattern and control it as a pattern rather than blaming ourselves for having a reaction. (I also have a super annoying and agitating brother btw). Try observing the feelings next time first, non-judgmentally. Look at how close you are physically when negative feelings arise. Do they start over the phone? During holiday discussions about meeting up? At the table?

once you’ve done that work you can begin to solve the problem of reactivity by choosing to move away physically or emotionally from the agitation.

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