99% sober

[Fbcip2023]

Hello!

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get from posting this, but I'm finding myself confused...

I had a really bad night/hangover in November and I decided then I wanted to stop drinking. That was 7 weeks ago, and I have had a few nights out and Christmas with no alcohol and I have enjoyed not being rough the next day and remembering my full night! But now, I am thinking I would quite like to have the occasional wine when I have an event ie my sister's 30th dinner, a few on holiday etc but I feel like I'm going back on my word?! I think in these situation I could stop at 2 glasses of wine, but on a night out out/wedding etc I couldn't, so I would continue to not drink then...

Has anyone found themselves in the same position?! Or should I just continue not drinking 😩

Could you have just the one or two? I can happily not drink but have no off button, that is my issue.

A 30thdinner with wine flowing.... ?

If you could drink sensibly you wouldn't be here. My experience is that you'll end up drinking as much or more soon enough, it's a slippery slope.

Yep, there are lots of really useful articles about moderating drinking. Surprisingly Adrian Chiles has written quite a lot about it.
That's what I do. I drank far too much in my 20s. I decided I didn't want to be drunk anymore so I occasionally drink but not on big nights out as I know what I'm like. I happily enjoyed a few glasses of fizz on Christmas Day but I'll drive when I go out with friends on New Year's Eve. It's totally situational with me.

Well done on cutting down. You could see if moderation works for you. I gave up drinking completely 2 years ago (also following a 'bad night') but had to be 'all or nothing' about it - including not drinking at birthday dos, weddings, on holiday or any of the other times you think you can't do without it. You can do without it actually, but perhaps you don't need to be as drastic as full abstinence.

@WavingCatsandDogs it's not a big dinner, just me my sister and auntie... So I know it's not going to spiral... If it was with the full family/friends then I definitely wouldn't 🙈
I feel I didn't have an off switch, but in these last 7 weeks I have appreciated the benefits of not drinking, and I now think I could limit myself in certain situations... My husband is doing this with me and is finding it a bit easier than me... He drinks beer, and there is a massive selection of beers, where as I only drank wine, and all AF wine is disgusting 😩
I spose I can only try and see how it goes...

I have the odd drink these days not the binge drinking I used to do for me the hangovers seem to start while I am drinking which is a big deterrent

@everyredsock I feel it's very situational with me aswell... When it's a good night I have no off switch, which then turns into a terrible next day, full of dread!!!
I could happily have a bottle of wine last a full weekend at home, and on nights I wasn't really feeling I'd just have a few and leave.
I don't know why my recent night out had such an impact, but I now feel in a different mindset. I spose I try and see how it goes, and I know I can do it if it doesn't work out. I also have 2 kids, so have done it for a collective 18 months too lol
I will have a look out for those articles, and see how I feel!

That's amazing you've been 2 years without - well done!!
Im so confused about it all, as I don't feel I'm missing out as I have had good time with friends over these last 7 weeks without it.. but I think it's the lack of options for me.. my husband had lots of AF beer options and enjoys them, but I only drink wine and they alternatives I've tried aren't great.
I know I'm not going back to a bottle or 2 of wine every weekend, and definitely on nights out out, but I feel that I have a new mindset that I could limit myself on certain occasions that I know everyone is just going to be having one or two.
I spose I can only try and see, if not I will revert back to nothing.

I think the challenge with this approach is that it’s very easy for people to convince themselves that this is one of those special occasions when they get to have a treat and they can control it. And then so is next weekend. Oh and that random Wednesday. And then Sunday brunch. It can be a very slippery slope. Most people who are good at having true self control around alcohol never end up in the position of having to consider giving it up to begin with.

It also just means you have to keep thinking about drinking/not drinking, when you’re going to/when you’re not, which most people find more annoying than just not drinking.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try. But do be realistic about how tricky it can be. Also be mindful of when you’re getting yourself into a pickle. How will you know when you’ve gone too far? And if you can’t moderate or follow the rules you set, can you set yourself a limit where if it gets so bad again that you’ll know you need to stop?

Last time I quit drinking, I started to feel quite depressed after a while. I felt like I had isolated myself a bit by quitting drinking. I felt social events were less fun for me and I was less sociable due to be stone cold sober while everyone else was drinking and happy!

My friend told me that maybe i’d given alcohol too much control over my life, first by drinking too much, and secondly by quitting completely so that I felt left out and isolated, which was making me feel bad. So I thought, maybe I can just have one or two drinks very occasionally. And I did it successfully a few times, but of course it’s a slippery slope, and it ended up becoming more drinks more often, until I ended up going through a phase where I was drinking more than ever.

If you can’t moderate, you can’t moderate. There is no ‘one or two’. It will always lead to more - even if not that first day. One successful evening of ‘just one or two’ will build your confidence and you’ll start to feel like maybe you can do it more often. And then it will all begin again.