How are you coping with Christmas madness?

[BoringAF]

Hello everyone. I'm 2 years sober and I will never drink again. I am also wondering if I will ever enjoy a party again. I just can't let my hair down and dance or laugh at daft jokes any more. I find myself sitting amongst folk who I love to bits feeling awkward and self conscious. It is so lonely being with friends but being on the outside of all the fun.
The next few days will be at home with my family, but I am already fretting about a NYE party. Does anyone have any tips for relaxing and enjoying it booze free?

One of the things I realised about myself, is that I don’t enjoy parties. Drinking made it possible for me to enjoy them. And so after stopping drinking, I became the friend who came for dinner but left before everyone went to the club. Or who caught up with friends in different ways (coffee, walks, dinners in small groups)

if you have to force yourself you enjoy them. Do you really want to go?

Force yourself *to enjoy them

Thanks for your reply @Pollyannamex.
I don't want to go sober and I don't want to drink - so I guess I don't want to go!
I think that my DH and my friends feel that I should be able to go and have fun sober. "You don't need a drink to have a good time with friends" seems to be their favourite phrase. Or the other one is "But we want to spend NYE with you!".
There is never pressure to drink, but there is pressure to be there.

What IS true is that I would probably be quite miserable at home alone. I wish that I had a few friends who didn't drink to spend these traditionally boozy times with.

That is really tough for you. Would it be worth having a heart to heart with your DH and explaining your situation? Could you conpromise - maybe go from 8-10pm or show up for the food and leave before it gets too raucous?

I don’t think many sober persons enjoy being around drunk people(even your friends!) past a certain point. It is tedious even if you love them!

it’s natural that your friends want you there and that you’d feel strange being ‘left out’ if you didn’t go. But you need to chose the least worst option - go and feel bored or stay at home and feel left out. Or compromise by going for a while but have a taxi booked to get home, or an agreed time with your DH to leave.

i also always find it easier to just slip away if you can, as the pressure to stay if you say goodbye is usually annoying..

Also I don’t know your situation but if you are sober because your drinking caused issues in your life, it may be good to have a chat with your DH and key/best friends and remind them that you have to protect your sobriety above all other things. It’s only year 2. That means you cannot be in party situations longer than you can stand. If you are thinking about drinking again, then you need to prioritise your health and well being and that means sometimes not staying late at parties even if they want you to.

if they really love you, they will understand

Maybe it’s time to make new friends with different interests?
Think about what you do enjoy and go to events/meet-ups. Walking/crafting/bird watching/book club……. Anything that doesn’t involve booze.

You’ll make new friends.
Your DH can attend things without you.

I’m having Xmas day with my single friends and DH is seeing his family.
He’s home with the dog new year, while I go away for a few days. That’s ok. We’re both happy and enjoying how we spend our time.
We have lots of quality time together the rest of the year.
I enjoy socialising a lot and he finds it a struggle, so this works well for us.