I’m drinking two bottles of win a day and scared to stop, but desperately want to

[Sop1234]

Hi, i need some help and advice, without judgement please.

For the last 6-8 months I’ve been drinking a minimum of 1.5 bottles of red wine a night, sometimes 2. There have been a few times however where I’ve only drank a bottle. I desperately want to stop but I’m so paranoid about withdrawals (I have serious health anxiety), and for me its become such a habit. I have terrible willpower and always struggle to quit any type of habit. I don’t think I’m physically dependent because I haven’t really had any signs of withdrawal when I don’t drink for over 24 hours, for me it’s more of a mental addiction and being scared to break a habit.

Any advice for going sober? What vitamins should I be taking?

Speak to the specialists and proper advice and support.

Start with only having one bottle available in the house so you can't drink more than one bottle a day whilst you get appointments and support.

At this level of drinking, you are an alcoholic. Functioning maybe, but an alcoholic nevertheless. You need help and support ASAP.

Def speak to speak out to get help but do not just stop. Reduce and do it over time.

Find out where local addiction services are and how to access.You may need to approach your GP but more likely you will get the details by googling.Refer yourself .

The most important vitamin in withdrawal is B1 (thiamine), as lack of it can cause 'wet brain'. You may be deficient in B12 and other vitamins too, but it is very important to supplement with B1, as it won't work retrospectively.

If you think you have a habit rather than an addiction, my advice (based on my own experience) is to find an alternative and keep to the ritual(s) you are used to. I found the non-alcoholic fizzy wine quite palatable, and opened a bottle when I sat down for the evening, pouring it into a normal wine glass, and topping it up over the course of the evening. I continued to go out to the places I went to when drinking, but switched to lime and soda, or plain soda with a wedge of lime or lemon - again, so that I wasn't constantly reminded that I wasn't drinking as I would have been if I'd stayed in every night. Gradually, I started to stay in more anyway - I did lose some friends, but came to realise that they weren't real friends anyway, and don't miss them.

I found hypnosis tracks useful, and listened to them in bed. i don't know if they worked as hypnosis, if the ritual helped, or just the relaxation that they all start with, but it doesn't matter. I'd have a bath, get into a warm bed and drift off listening to relaxation/hypnosis, which is so much better than the half-sleep you get after drinking a lot of wine. Waking up without The Fear is lovely, too. As time goes by you might replace the rituals with something else, or just give them up altogether, but drinking is ritualistic - opening the bottle, pouring the glass, topping it up and so on - so if you still have those things to fall back on it can make it easier to give up the actual alcohol.

Incidentally, doctors don't use the term 'alcoholic' these days, preferring 'problem drinker' or similar. If you see yourself as an alcoholic it suggests lifelong dependence, which is by no means always true. If you break the habit it doesn't have to be an eternal struggle to stay sober. I genuinely don't miss it now, and have had a (very) occasional glass of wine, eg at a wedding, without entering a downward spiral as happens in TV drama. Having said that, I honestly recommend giving up altogether, rather than cutting down, at least at first (I am coming to 7 years since I gave up).

Good luck!

You say you're scared to stop because of the risk of withdrawal symptoms and health anxiety - but you're being scared of the wrong thing. Alcohol is a carcinogen and is directly linked to many illnesses, including being directly linked to cancer. It also decimates your immune system so by drinking 2 bottles of wine a day, you are specifically and deliberately increasing your chances of getting ill, maybe seriously. Could you refocus your worry in that direction, as this is what you should be being concerned about? (In order to motivate you to give up alcohol)

Also, as you have said,you don't appear, fortunately, to have physical withdrawal symptoms. But maybe it's worth reading up on what these withdrawal symptoms are, if and when you do decide to quit. It is not illness, or sickness. It is your body healing itself; restoring, rebalancing. Yes these symptoms can be painful/uncomfortable. But they are "good" pains, signs that your body is working to heal itself, and signs the alcohol is leaving your body and brain. I think you should try to reframe and refocus your negative energy around quitting.

Thanks so much for your advice and encouraging words! Out of interest, when you stopped how much were you drinking, and did you experience any withdrawals? It’s the withdrawals that scare the bejesus out of me, the anxiety I have is what’s holding me back going cold turkey!

Thanks so much for your advice and encouraging words! Out of interest, when you stopped how much were you drinking, and did you experience any withdrawals? It’s the withdrawals that scare the bejesus out of me, the anxiety I have is what’s holding me back going cold turkey!

First of all drop to one bottle a day, don't have any other alcohol in the house. Then you need to have the will power to put that cap back on the bottle. Reducing to 1/2 a bottle a day will really help your health.

There is medication that can help you potentially, speak to your gp about what is available locally for support. You can do this !

Thank you!

Thanks so much! I’m trying to stick to a bottle a day but living in london and having multiple shopz and deliveroo on hand is not helping. I’m going back to my parents for Christmas tomorrow so I’m hoping that will help as I really don’t want my parents knowing I have a problem, feel very ashamed of myself for getting in this situation

I’ve been where you are OP. At one point I was even having a sneaky drink walking the dog. Since I stopped drinking I have lost weight, my sleep is amazingly improved and my stress and anxiety is so much better. Take some of the great advice here-read quit lit and it helps to be around people who don’t drink much in the early days! I never regret a moment of not drinking these days. My life is unimaginably better. And yours will be too. Don’t be ashamed. You want to change things which is something to be proud of. And I say that as the most secretive drinker who was overwhelmed with guilt, shame and disgust. I’m much kinder to myself now. And without booze my thinking is much clearer and more rational!

Hi. Don't feel ashamed, alcohol is addictive. I've been there too. I'm 2 years sober now but was drinking close to 2 bottles of wine a night before I managed to give up. Its a dark place to be in but you can do it and its so worth it. Along with going to your doctor I'd recommend quit lit books and also podcasts. Find something that resonates with you. I listened none stop to them when I was trying to give up, it really changed my mindset with alcohol. Some suggestions: Annie Grace - this naked mind (there's a free 30 day alcohol experiment), William Porter - Alcohol Explained (for the science behind what alcohol does to your body, sleep, causing anxiety etc). , The sober diaries, Quit like a woman. Good podcasts include sober awkward, present and sober. There's loads out there once you start looking. You can do this! Realising you have a problem and wanting to do something about it is key, well done in recognising that.

I was drinking about the same as you, but for many years - and I have liver damage as a result. I didn’t get horrible withdrawals at all, just a mild flu-like thing for a few days. It is possible that you could react differently, but FWIW I didn’t, and from what I know of others doing the same thing, tapering is really hard, as you are getting a taste of it every night.

I felt the same about ‘quit lit’. Some people like it, but to me it seems like being on a diet and reading about cake. It feels exploitative to me.

Go to AA

Well that's an option, of course, but it's not for everyone, and after 6-8 months there's every chance that you'll be able to stop without attending meetings. I'm not decrying AA, and if you find you need it then of course you should go, but I can't help thinking that meeting to discuss not drinking is only going to put drinking to the front of your mind - a bit like the 'quit lit'.

I used to post on an online forum called 'Bright Eye', but it has folded now. If you could find something like that, you might find it useful. Just be sure that there isn't too much tolerance of 'slips'. Bright Eye was very supportive, but posters got so much attention and condolence when they broke a dry spell that it seemed to encourage people to do it, and I found that frustrating at times. It does take time to adjust to being teetotal (and Christmas may not be the best time to start) but tell yourself that you will have to give it up sooner or later, and at present you have the choice of whether to do so before you have done any damage, or you can leave it too late and do it when your health is badly compromised. It's a no-brainer really.

Out of interest how many years were you drinking this heavily before it resulted in liver damage? And was it irreversible damage?

I did experience withdrawals when I stopped drinking, but I was drinking quite a lot more than you so my advice might not be relevant or helpful.

Withdrawal of the kind you seem likely to have will only last a few days. But what you don't want to do is have a few days off drink and a few days on, because then you get the worst of both worlds - the horrible 3/4 days of withdrawal, then readdicting yourself again, then withdrawal again. It means you always feel terrible and you're always in the addiction cycle. Please try to go at least 2 weeks on a first attempt if you can; so you can start to see the wellness and joy on the other side, and know that the horrible withdrawal symptoms are just that; your body ridding itself of the alcohol poison. The immediate aftermath of drinking is NOT what sobriety feels like. Sobriety is beautiful and brings you a peace and happiness you cannot imagine.

So some of the withdrawal symptoms I had were -

Flu like symptoms, chills, shiveryness, general ill feeling.
Psychologically feeling very scared, frightened of everything, weak.
Not to scare you but slight hallucinations. Feeling like I could see things out the corner of my eye. Reactivity, jumpiness.

Because of these symptoms it is a good idea to be able to just rest at home for the first 3 or 4 days if you can. Even if it's inconvenient I would try. It's worth it for your health.

Feel free to ask anything anything else if you would like to, and good luck x

I drank on average a bottle a day of wine. I was lucky and didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms

Hi everyone, firstly thank you all for your words of wisdom and advice! A little update…I decided that Christmas was the worst time to go cold turkey so I’ve cut down to a bottle a day! I’m going cold turkey on the first of Jan, I know the time is right and what better than a new year! I’ve been listening to sober podcasts and it’s spurred me on, have a number of quit lit books arriving tomorrow! Feeling positive, and thankfully I have next week off work so if I have withdrawals then at least I can be home to rest! Wish me luck!

Hope it's going well with Dry Jan @Sop1234 ?
If it's not, don't worry x

A relative of mine spent Christmas day in hospital, they drew off six litres of fluid from their abdomen. They couldn't walk because the fluid had also gone into their legs. Due to other symptoms, it looks likely to either be either cirrhosis or cancer caused by alcohol abuse. Please give yourself a chance, by cutting down and then stopping.

Hi @Steppered it’s not gone well! I’m really struggling and so scared to stop! I managed a couple of days with a bottle but i cave in and order myself a 2nd bottle! I know i need to change but i’m so scared! I go back to work on monday and the thought of going back looking bloated and red eyed is giving me the fear so I think tomorrow im going to do my damm hardest to not have a drink. I know this is probably not wise, but the only thing I can think of doing to stop me drinking/relax me for tomorrow night is to take a diazepam and call the GP monday morning! I’ve been referred to alcohol servi es in my area before but tbh they have been absolutely useless and not helpful whatsoever

@Sop1234

I have been drinking a bottle a day for years.
Life turned to shit just over a year ago and not only did I increase the amount of wine a night I also stopped eating from stress.
I lost about 2 stone.
I was constantly shaking and my anxiety was crippling.
This carried on through the whole of last year.
I was advised to cut down and not stop completely.
This did not work as once I start I can't stop. Seems like the first drink for me is the most dangerous.
It all came to a head just before Christmas. I reached out to every bit of support and helpline including AA.
Got nothing back.
Spent Xmas a shaking anxious mess.
I decided to try dry January.
After NWE I said I wasn't going to worry about anything but myself and not stress.
I spent most of the day in bed trying to stay calm and relax. Shakes were bad anxiety worse head cloudy.
Sleep was awful and I was back at work the next day.
I felt slightly better.
It's been a week now and the shakes and anxiety are almost gone.
You can do this. Just try to find peace where you can and worry about nothing but yourself.
If you feel withdrawal could be a serious problem could someone keep an eye on you for the first few days?

@Sop1234 Do you have any support (other than us here, of course)? What really, really helped me was having peer support. You can know what you should do, but until you have people cheering you on and offering support who've been there, it can be a lonely road. I say this a lot on here (I promise I don't work for them!) but look up Bee Sober and sign up for a membership. It's a wonderful group. They have a private Facebook group, they have zoom support groups nearly every night, they have meet ups for brunch and swims and walks. You aren't alone. There are a lot of people out here trying to find their way through the same thing.

I was where you were a year ago - though I was regularly drinking 3 bottles of wine a night (a box), sometimes even more. It was hell ish. I quit in April, coming up to 9 months sober now. I've never looked back. It seems so hard to consider stopping, but the hardest bit is what you're doing now - the bit where you are stuck on the roundabout, going round and round, wanting to stop, trying, feeling like you've failed, trying again. Once you get over the hump, it's actually so much easier. I don't really even think about having a drink now. It doesn't appeal at all. I never in a million years could have imagined a life without alcohol and now I have one and it's so much easier than life was when I was drinking.

You really can do it and there is a whole new life waiting there for you. You do need to muscle through the initial bit, which sucks, but get support - from your GP, from a peer support group like Bee Sober. If you think it would fit what you need, go to an online (or f2f) support group, AA is an obvious one, but it may not be right for you (wasn't right for me), but there are others. Honestly, it's just trusting that it will get better and taking the leap. It really will get better.