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Feel a bit lost

6 replies

Teacherteachernotapreacher · 16/12/2023 08:42

Before I say my worry - I promise this is not some humble brag about how I’ve stopped drinking.

I stopped drinking in April. I wasn’t a huge huge drinker before but did drink regularly and a lot on the weekends. It was affecting my weekends and relationships with my kids.
I’ve tried having a drink here or there and really don’t like the taste any more. Which is a good thing I guess.
however - I never stopped to become teetotal and always hoped I would get to celebratory drinks or one nice glass of wine with a friend type drinker. And I feel really sad about not being able to enjoy it. I know this sounds ridiculous but it feels like a big loss socially. And I don’t really like sweet drinks like pop etc so generally end up with water 😂😬
has anyone else experienced this having stopped drinking?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 16/12/2023 12:53

I stopped because it was affecting my sleep, and I developed an allergy, all during peri. Now I find I can’t drink. I just don’t want to anymore. I’ve bought a bottle of fizz to have a glass or two at Xmas, but like you I don’t seem to like the taste anymore. My go to is lime and soda.

Teacherteachernotapreacher · 16/12/2023 19:11

I’m also in peri - I wonder if that’s affecting me too. I just find it sad as feel like I’m excluding myself a bit from traditions/social routines. Totally fine with being the sober one but not liking the tee total position I’ve forced myself into!

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mindutopia · 18/12/2023 13:40

I don't think you forced yourself into not drinking anymore. The reality is that most people don't feel great if they just have a drink or two here and there. It's why most people don't stop at a drink or two. It's why there are very few 'just a glass of prosecco at a wedding' or 'just some red wine at Christmas' drinkers, or at least ones who drink that way willingly (not because they are on medication or need to drive home or have small children to look after or are a carer, etc.)

The reality is that most people who have just a glass of wine with a friend could take it or leave it and don't really massively enjoy it or drink 4 more glasses when they get home. If that was the case, we'd all be drinking like that.

One thing that jumps out from your OP though is the sadness at not being able to join in because these special celebratory events are all about drinking. How sad is it though that a wedding isn't special unless people are getting pissed? Or Christmas isn't Christmas unless you are drunk on prosecco by 11am? That's not a criticism of you, it's a criticism of our society and its views towards alcohol. What I mean is, we often just take for granted that everyone around us has this really skewed view of what's special and enjoyable. Back before we discovered alcohol, we used to love Christmas! We used to love celebrating friends' birthdays! Heck, there are whole cultures and religious traditions that don't drink alcohol and they have loads of big parties!

Now it doesn't magically make it easier for you, or me, right now but one thing I'm trying to do this Christmas especially is to build new traditions and memories that don't revolve around alcohol. Christmas eve used to be a big night for drinking and then we'd all be miserable to be woken up at 6am by the kids wanting to open their stockings. This year, everyone is having a forced early night (drinking or no drinking - I'm the only sober one, but my house, my rules) and we're making the big fun stuff about Christmas morning. Because not everything needs to be about booze and I am hoping that if we start a bit of a cultural shift with us, it will just become a bit more of the norm and the rest of the family may start to follow. That doesn't mean it's easy and I do feel a bit like a loose end sometimes, but I do think these norms need to be challenged because it doesn't have to be this way. And it would probably be good if other people got out of their comfort zone too - special fun times can be just as special with a coffee as with a glass of mulled wine.

BelindaOkra · 19/12/2023 05:59

Yes. I had pretty much stopped because it was impacting on my sleep (even small amounts) then completely stopped for a bit for various other reasons. Tried to have a glass of wine when out for a family meal recently and could not finish it. It was a decent wine as well.

BelindaOkra · 19/12/2023 06:02

I do have a mix of drinkers and non-drinkers around me though. So not alive if I decide not to drink.

I did go to a drunken friends evening a number of months back and was kind of relieved not to be drinking, because previously I would have been one of the really pissed ones and it didn’t look that fun tbh.

Teacherteachernotapreacher · 20/12/2023 13:38

Thanks both - they’re all really good points and you’re totally right about society making it all about the booze! It’s rubbish isn’t it

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