I need help

[EmmaJane2105]

Here is sit finishing a bottle for the 3rd evening running this week and I thought I'd have a google and find some help.

I'm a single mum of 2, their dad lives a 7 hour train journey a away but they only
See him once every few months so I class myself as a single mum.

So why I'm really here, my daughter is 8 and my son is 6 and since he was born and I split with their dad (2017) I feel like I've had a problem with alcohol. It started out I'd have a bottle of wine always in and drink 2-3 glass a night, but here we are 6 years on and it's a bottle or more.

I don't drink every night, because I panic about my health or I know I have the school run and work the next day, but I drink most nights. And if I have a social occasion without my kids present I won't remember it the next day.

Now the thought of being sober doesn't bother me, I always do dry Jan, or give up for random weeks at a time, but the thought of never having it again affects me. Mainly because I'm so shy. So I wonder an worry constantly how I'll have fun or enjoy events with other people, if I don't have alcohol.

Another is; how will I ever meet a man if I can't talk to him because I'm too shy because I'm sober?

They're all such ridiculous things and I really want to overcome this. So please if you have advice or experience reply xxx

Hope you’re doing OK.
You sound like you’re dealing with a lot of things. It sounds like a lot of your drinking is down to boredom- alcohol anaesthetises us so it makes dealing with boring shit more tolerable. So you need to tackle the boredom - what did you enjoy doing when you were 12? If you ask yourself this question it may inspire you as to things you could do other than drink.

In terms of your shyness, I get it. I always used alcohol to bridge the gap between my natural quietness and being “out there”. But alcohol makes us MORE anxious overall, so you may find that stopping actually helps.

In terms of meeting new men, you might want to read Sober Girl Society Handbook by Millie Gooch. It’s aimed at a younger market than some of the other quit lit out there, so deals with sober dating etc. My other recommendations are The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray, and the Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley.

Good luck

Are you saying you think you’re an alcoholic so it’s tee total, or getting pissed most nights? That’s why you’re worrying about meeting men and social events? You can’t cut down?

Good that you have recognised that it is too much.
Your fears of giving up drinking are real in your head however, I have now stopped drinking for 16 months and I feel less anxious and am better in social situations than I ever was before but it was something that I was really scared about. But now I find I enjoy myself more than I did before.
I‘m aware of my surroundings, no checking my phone in the morning if I’ve drunk texted someone, no wondering what I said the night before.
It was hard to stop but the difference it made to my life is worth it.
Read some books such as The Sober Diaries Clare Pooley and The unexpected joy of being sober Catherine Gray.
When you do Dry January, only a few weeks away, journal and log how you feel in general.
There are apps that you can record how many days sober you are as well - I found that helped.
I wish you good luck on your sober journey.