Sister started drinking again

[feelinghopelessdec23]

Hello everyone, there's so much to cover, apologies if I ramble.. need to leave for school run soon but I want to start talking..

My Dsis is drinking again 10 years. She's lying, going awol and breaking my 80yr old Mum's heart.

Dsis is heartbroken as her daughter has gone NC after getting into a controlling relationship. My eyes are open with my sister but she is the victim here. Niece's GF is poison and has cut her off from everyone. Dsis is rock bottom but I can't get through. She has so many people that love her but without her daughter she sees no point.

I took her to AA earlier in the week, one meeting 10 years ago then the loss of our DF the same week scared her sober but life has become too much, i understand why she wants to block it out but can't watch her destroy DM and herself.

Of course she's full of remorse and apologies when sober.

For context she has a loving DH too.. they are separated but he still cares and wants to see her get better. He has never drank so has always been a good influence if not perfect (who is!).

Appreciate any suggestions..

Persevere with encouragement, taking her to AA and offering her the space to talk. You sound lovely and supportive. This is so difficult as a relapse at this stage can be so shit and difficult to come through. I hope she sees through the alcohol and remembers the life she has without it.

Thanks for your reply. We're off to AA again tonight. She's on call this weekend so sober. That's what's so frustrating, she can do it when she wants to. That's why it feels such a f you to DM when she drinks.

I do want to support her and help in any way but honestly I'm so angry with her too! But any negative feedback about how her actions affect others and she drinks to block it out.

I'm always the strong one but cried last night and she had a total breakdown, sobbing and hyperventilating. Argh!

Just going to use this as a brain dump of the week of myself and maybe dsis one day..

Sat - awol after work, Mum and her DH sat in freezing cold for 2 hours calling, waiting to help her move out of flat. Turned up drunk and v sorry.
Sun - working am, awol again pm, later admitted drinking
Mon - work ok, didn't drink
Tues - took her to AA, didn't drink
Weds - going to take herself to AA, went back to empty flat and drank.. lied about being at AA
Thurs - work ok, turned up at DH v drunk, I'd already said I'd take my DS (7) to see her and he is one of the positives in her life. We left quickly, she passed out. Furious and said she won't see her in that state again, told my DH and don't want there to be lies between us.
Fri - she want to my mum after work, took DS, all ok ish but saw her go to car at midnight (camera) to get booze from car. She lied even though pic evidence.
Sat - DS and DH at hobby sleepover so free to take her to AA. Arrived at mum's and she was sobbing c sorry, wanted to lie down. She had 30 min before we needed to leave. Went to wake her up and she'd drank!!!!! So angry, lost it and laid into her, said everything I thought.. mum crying.. called AA to chat and they recommended al-anon so will try a support meeting this week. She eventually came out of bedroom, sobbing again, sorry blab blab, logged on to online as meeting, by the end she sobered up and gave me her car keys to check for booze. Lots of empties but no more. All calm when I left.

All calm this morning, she's going to see a friend today and if she's back in time I'll pop over with DS but plan is mum takes her to aa tonight. Let's see.

10 dry days, felt we were turning a corner. She's been so positive..

She had a chance to drink tonight and took it, she's out of her mind.. mum had a wonderful day, finally relaxed a bit and now this.

It all feels so hopeless and I'm so angry with her.

I just wanted to say I’ve been in the same position with my sister and I really feel for you and your mum.

it hurts so much and the worst thing is - it’s the hope that kills you.

please do go to al anon. You cannot change her.

wishing you all the best.

It sounds as if you are doing all the work. Firstly, please join Al-Anon and get some support. My younger sister is an alcoholic- sober for the last six months after another bout of rehab. In the past I have literally made myself ill trying to support and help her. In the end, this time it was a friend who persuaded her to go into rehab. I have decided there is nothing I can do to keep her sober and I have to look after my own health.
remember:
you didn’t cause it
you can’t control it
you can’t cure it

I wish you and your sister well

And remember, self care is not selfish

Thank you for your messages.

She got arrested for drink driving Friday night and spent the night in a police cell.

I am disgusted with her. My poor Mum picked her yesterday. Sis said she was scared and she knows sorry doesn't come close.

The total selfishness and disregard for anyone else leaves me speechless. I didn't think I could be more angry with her. We haven't spoken yet. Yesterday I was out with DH and our son pretending to be normal. As we'll be doing tomorrow for my son's sake. He adores my sis and she adores him.

She has a court date for Jan and will obviously lose her licence (quite rightly!) for 1 year minimum. That's her job gone. She'll need to find something she can walk or get the bus to.

I am so ashamed.

Mum has always had a 6th sense that she'll get a call one day and say sis is dead. This is the closest so far.

She's going to aa with her husband tonight.

She's had a terrible time but consequences leading from shit decisions she has made.

Now we start this new period. I won't disown her, she's still my little sister but the rage I feel is making me shake.