I felt the need to share my story, really for release reasons and my family not friends know that I used to drink as much as they did and the effect it has had on my life .
I'm 50, divorced, mother To children with special needs, head of a school and daughter of alcoholic father and emotionally absent mother. I was also the eldest.
I was a party girl in my teens and twenties. Thought I was unattractive and had nothing of interest to offer so used drink to deal with that.
Roll on thirties .. met exh, he had nothing to offer but I tried to fix him by financing him, paying for everything g for him and then we had kids. I didn't drink through pregnancies or feeding but then started my wine habit.
Started with the weekends and rolled into week nights..
Marriage was lonely. He was looking for other women and had never interest in family life so as well as me working and commuting, I raised my children single handedly. The fact that they had special needs was the final straw so he had other women and left it to me. I had zero respect for him and he repulsed me as he was sexually coercive.
He left. I drank to escape the sadness and cope with it all on my own.
I loved the buzz, the nostalgia and release that it gave me.
At the end.. two weeks ago , I could drink a bottle and a half easily and still get up and do a full days work. I always went to bed early. That was 5 nights per week.
So two weeks ago, I was so sick and so down and so emotional, I dec def enough was enough. I wished every single second of that day away.. praying for bed time . I was so sick.
Having read some quit lit , which did nothing for me , I decided to just stop drinking wine.
I feel fresh , energised, happy and have started to get my motivation back regarding my health and appearance. I lost myself in the fog of alcohol and no longer cared about how I presented.
There was a definitely an emotional dependence but I'm so
Busy each evening , I've filled that 7pm emptiness. That has been key.
I've also enjoyed a diet lemonade and low fat snacks.
I hope that this may help someone. For me, sharing my secret makes me feel better . It's admitting there was a problem and I'd also love to hear how things were for you as a secret single
Drinker.
I don't know if/ when I'll have another drink but it will be sociable and it will be in company.
Drinking at home alone was a recipe for my final downfall.
I'm happy and hoping for continued success and feeedom.
Thanks for reading.