28 and need desperate help

[E2738384]

Hi all,

Im writing this as I know I have a problem and no one else knows about it, I am so annoyed at myself I am only 28 and used to live a happy life without drinking with my partner. A few years ago I started loving the feeling of being drunk and I seem to have an addictive personality because I can’t stop drinking, I work from home and as soon as I wake up I need to have a drink to stop my anxiety, bare in mind I’ve tried so many different anxiety tablets and I’m still on them now. The only thing ever on my mind is when to order my next beers to the house, which i have to do secretly from my partner because he jokes about me having a problem but really I’m just really good at hiding it, I used to be so slim and love life and now I can’t look at myself in the mirror and live in baggy clothes. I never thought I would end up look like this, my older sister was an alcoholic and I used to be angry and not understand why she did it, I’m not close with her so have never discussed it. But I am honestly worried about my health and how long I will live, I can drink so many beers and not feel anything it’s not normal, I’ve also now noticed weird what look like vein marks below my armpits but on both sides, they don’t look like stretch marks either, I don’t know what to do or how to get help because without a drink I’m miserable and angry and I really don’t want anyone in my family to know :( I’m so sad that this is what my life has become and I’m so worried that I’ve done long lasting damage, but when I over think it, I just end up going for another drink

Seek professional help. Go to AA.
Tell close friends and family about your concerns for yourself though because you are now fat they might already guess. You have similar genes to your sister.

It is a very hard road and you will find it difficult to quit unless your partner does also. You might not purchase alcohol and then he will bring it into the house.
Your only hope is cold turkey. Get used to drinking non alcoholic drinks, find new hobbies and a new boyfriend and seek professional help.

I agree that you need support. Do you have a good relationship with your GP or nurse practitioner? Could you speak to them urgently? You might benefit from therapy.

Consider AA, they offer Zoom meetings as well as real life.

I fund the Dryy App really useful and welcoming.

Follow sober people on Instagram... soberlittlemotherred is a good start. Also, Annie Grace and Catherine Gray (both wrote excellent books).

Immerse yourself in the sober curious space online. Tell people in real life that you've quit. Perhaps avoid social occasions that may trigger you for a while? Buy in AF options to drink at home, I find Becks Blue is tasty enough and very reasonably priced. Eat well, move your body, try out some positive affirmations... take one day at a time. If you have a blip, dust yourself off and carry on the next day. It's not easy but you can do this if it's what you really want for yourself.

Having re-read your OP... do you think you might be alcohol dependent? You will know in your gut if this is the case (you sound very self-aware). If the answer is yes then you will need some professional support as a suddenly going cold turkey may not be the best course of action for you. If you don't want to speak to your GP/nurse practitioner then I'd suggest you contact a local charity (or AA).

One more thing... if taking action today feels scary, which is totally understandable, try a visualisation exercise. Imagine yourself in five years time if you don't seek help today. Then imagine yourself accessing support, removing alcohol from your life, growing in health and confidence, surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people...keep that vraion of yourself in your mind... and go seek the support that you know you deserve. You are worthy and capable of change.

I wish you the very best of luck.

You need RL support OP - you can't do this on your own! Addictions thrive in secret and without support you will have no accountability and also, obviously, no support, no help, no one you can turn to when things get tough.

You say your DSis was an alcoholic and that you're not close, but if she has beaten her addiction she could be a good person for you to confide in - only you can judge this.

But the first person you should tell is your GP. S/he will be able to support you medically and ensure your recovery is safe and healthy - they'll also be able to signpost local charities and support groups that can help you.

You've taken the first step in acknowledging that you've got a problem, which is great. You're right that you're only 28, so hopefully any damage is reversible at this point. You must now confide in others though and reach out for support. This might be helpful:

I feel for you but you need to face the fact that your partner is probably far more aware of the extent of your drinking than you think. I know how hard it is but can promise you without alcohol your problems, worries and anxiety will be much reduced. Like others have said look for sober inspiration on the web, read some quit lit and look at AA or similar. If you’re drinking in the morning that’s potentially a lot of units. And you’ll be kidding yourself it’s less because that’s what we do! And if you’re dependent you need professional medical advice. It sounds like you can make a real change and reverse the weight gain and find yourself again. I lost a stone in weight when I stopped drinking which was an added bonus. And I was a solo secret drinker too. And get some real life accountability or check in here. Those early days it’s nice to celebrate success with other people who know how tough those early days are. So good for you for posting and keep talking. It’s not easy but there’s a beautiful life waiting for you!

Thank you so much for all your kind words! I am still drinking but have been waiting till past 5 after work and have been going bed earlier so I have really cut down, the problem I have is that I don’t know if I want to completely quite as I do want something to look forward to on the weekend and drink is my little treat I don’t really leave the house because I work from home and I have a dog with very bad anxiety so I can’t just go out when I want and I can’t leave him either. The only thing making me want to stop is my weight as I used to be so tiny and buy clothes that look lovely, now I just live in the baggiest clothes and I hate the way I look. This is so hard I can’t believe it when i used to hear people say I can’t stop, I didn’t drink for about 10 Years and didn’t understand them, but it really is that easy to get addicted, I honestly think it’s worse than drugs because it’s legal and you can buy it anywhere. I need to start loving and looking after myself, I think I’m slowly getting there because I’m getting very tired and bored of it which is a good sign, I find doing house work makes me not want to drink because it’s exhausting and all I want to drink is water after! Ps my partner doesn’t drink at all, so it probably does his head in seeing me drink and I bet he finds me so unattractive because I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, I hope my body eventually goes back to normal but the amount of stretch marks I have now is awful. Life is so hard but I do really worry how long I will live because I have no idea what the inside of my body looks right now, I keep thinking finding the right anxiety tablet will make me want to stop drinking but I don’t think that’s the case, I need to try and train my own mindset but it’s so hard. I’ve been reading Alan cars book but I just don’t really believe it, it’s all repeated from previous books about other addictions, any advice would be appreciated my lovelies thank you so much for your support x x

It sounds like you've made good progress over the last few weeks but it does sound like you may need to stop drinking completely. Can you find something else to look forward to, to fill the time that you'd usually be drinking?

I recommend reading this. This lovely young man I know has beaten a very serious alcohol addiction and is now a journalist and alcohol awareness campaigner.

https://recoveryboy.blog/

It’s really good you’ve cut down, but you know your relationship with alcohol is unhealthy.
Alcohol is not your friend. It is keeping you trapped and fuelling your anxiety.
Keep on with the Alan Carr, I’ve heard good things about it. I would also recommend the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.
And please get some support in real life.
This is Alcohol Change’s Get Help Now page, which gives you some options

Get help now

Well done on cutting down, that's fantastic. It seems like you are starting to understand why you drink. Could you perhaps plan something for your evenings/weekends to do that doesn't involve drinking at all? So that you have something different to look forward to.

I know you said you don't want to quit completely and I totally get that as I am the same! How would you feel about taking a break in the new year? Apparently 100 days is a good amount of time to readdress your relationship with alcohol. I'll bet you would feel amazing for it!

You sound really down on yourself and I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm positive that if you took some time off (even just a few weeks!) you would start to feel able to take some care of yourself, which in turn would improve your mood and might even kick start aime good habits. Self care is so important and you are worth it!

How are you doing this evening?