Can I call myself an alcoholic?

[itsanewday23]

I've always binge drank, there's very rarely been a time I've had a drink and it hasn't ended with me being black out drunk.

By feb, I was drinking to blackout once a week, at least and drinking some kind of alcoholic drink every other day (using an excuse of oh wow kids are in bed, got through the day let's have 1-3 vodkas)

Under no circumstances can I control/moderate my drink.

I've been sober since. I didn't use medical support I.e have a detox - I stopped outright I didn't have withdrawals (I was surprised by that)

Can I call myself an alcoholic? I believe I am one. It's how I stay sober, by reminding myself that I am. Remind myself I can't drink like others, I do not react to it the same.

However, because I didn't need detoxing or further support I was advised today that I was simply a binge drinker

But, drinking to excess how I was - and having it affect my mental health and eventually my daily life; surely that makes me an alcoholic?

. On good day I drank a bottle of wine, on a bad day I could manage to drink two. It went on for about 3 years.

i know you said your dh wasn’t concerned and didn’t think you had a problem, but did he not notice this?

@bitchatty i am friends with a couple who think it is a light night if they only get through 4 bottles of wine together. They don’t consider themselves alcoholics.

but that’s both of them

this was one person in the marriage

Why are they not alcoholics for drinking 2 bottles each because they both do it?

Honestly hun you're Ok, I probably drink a similar amount and I'm a fully functional mum so as long as it's not effecting your life it's fine. If you think your an alcoholic though then fair enough, you need to find something else to replace the habit eg gym, smoking (it's better than drinking), telly shows you can get hooked on etc xx

you have completely misinterpreted me

So explain…

ok

so i was asking PP how her DH had not been concerned about his wife drinking 1-2 bottles a night for 3 years.

He did not have a drink problem.

Whereas in your scenario…. both have a drink problem, hence not being surprised that one didn’t notice the other is drinking excessively

do you understand now?

Well she says

“(if my DH wasn't around). On good day I drank a bottle of wine, on a bad day I could manage to drink two. It went on for about 3 years. “

So it sounds like she was careful to hide it from her DH.

but do you understand my original point?

You don’t think worth a question how a loving and involved DH could be surprised and actually think that there was no problem despite it going on for 3 years and the OP telling him it was a problem?

I started drinking after work every single day and kept drinking until I was struggling to stay awake

i read every single day and extrapolated from that that he would have been around

I think he noticed I was drinking but judging by his surprise when I said I was an alcoholic he hadn't noticed the extent. It started late in 2019. During lockdown everyone we knew was drinking out of boredom. Then when it was over he went back to his hobbies and was out 2-3 times per week, I might have been in bed before he got home those days but couldn't say. There were a scary number of mornings when I couldn't remember going to bed during my alcoholic years.

In my younger days I had more (infrequent) messy drunken nights where friends would be surprised when I mentioned I had a hangover from hell and say "but you weren't even that drunk". I wonder if I hide it well while drunk.

It was a change that took me by surprise. In my 20s I could go a couple of months without drinking and not notice. I went off nights out altogether when we settled down and didn't drink at home. When sober January became a thing we used to laugh at how I'd do without realising. I call myself an alcoholic in AA meetings, DH knows I am, a handful of close friends know too. My other friends and colleagues don't know. It's useful in situations with people I'm not familiar with. When everyone is suggesting I loosen up and drink, saying "I'm an alcoholic" shuts it down immediately. If I try any other excuse people try to resort to peer pressure. I've only been sober a few months but like OP I'd be annoyed if someone tried to belittle my experience and suggest I'm not a real alcoholic.

To add- I don't think any of you are belittling it. I'm just empathising with OP and her sister's comments here.

Writing it down it seems obvious to all of you but I think I was good at hiding my desperation for a drink. I suspect OP experienced something similar. Being well aware of her struggles while other people didn't notice. So now her sister is insisting she can't possibly be an alcoholic, despite OP knowing better.

Well done on your sobriety and may your recovery continue. It doesn't matter what label you choose, you have taken active steps to deal with your destructive relationship with alcohol. Your sister has her own reasons for not wanting to acknowledge you are an alcoholic.

Are you being serious? I hope not.

If you can't stop drinking -or- can't 'stay stopped' despite a desire to stop drinking, then you are alcoholic dependent.

You can be physically addicted to alcohol and / or psychologically addicted to alcohol and both those states are commonly known as 'being an alcoholic'.

In the 12 Step Programme, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the only requirement to join the programme is 'the desire to stop drinking'. So you would be welcome to join any AA meeting in real life or online or phone up the helpline.

Nobody has to call themselves 'an alcoholic' in my personal opinion. If you currently cannot go without a drink for the long term, then you're actively alcohol dependent. Once you quit drinking and it's all behind you and you don't live in daily fear of relapse, it's up to you to decide if you want to label yourself 'an alcoholic' in the same way that the AA members do. The reason AA members do that is because they work a daily programme to remind themselves of recovery tools and believe that relapse could happen any time. There are many many other ways to get sober than AA including SMART which is nationwide, there's loads of facebook support groups such as 'Club Soda' and community based groups or things your local GP can recommend.

Please get help. Alcoholism is painful, confusing, and the consequences get far worse over time. You can beat it!