Can't handle alcohol

[Fbcip2023]

Hello.

I have made the decision to stop drinking alcohol completely. I just want to put this down in words as I am currently beating myself up and I am too embarrassed to speak to my husband/friends at the moment.

My whole life I have never been able to handle a drink. One minute I'll be fine, and the next I'm gone. You're lucky if I remember any nights out in full, usually cause I would black out.. not physically, but mentally.

It's cause arguments between me and my husband, as my insecurities come out when I've had a drink, or just simple things that have annoyed me end up out and Im not a nice person.. only too my husband.

My reason for wanting to change now is from my behaviour this weekend. I was out for dinner and drinks with friends, having a great day.. next thing I've woke up in bed, not knowing how I got there and my husband wasn't next to me. Anxiety kicked in thinking what have I done?! He was sleeping on the couch as I had been sick all over the bed and him and refused to move to clean up or go to the toilet. I had also been sick in the drive and the bottom of our stairs. I knew I got a lift home, but I don't remember anything that happened after 815pm.

I have had a similar experience on holiday in the summer and I was very upset as we had the kids, and although I wasn't arguing or making a fool of myself I don't remember the night.

I am a mum, and although these nights are few and far between as we don't go out much, I just feel disgusted with myself that I can allow myself to get into these states as a mum.

I am really upset about it all, and I have known most of my life that I really shouldn't drink but it's like it's drummed into everyone that you need to have a drink.

Im so embarrassed and riddled with the fear from the weekend. My 2 friends have been in contact saying what a great day and laugh we had, so I know I never done anything bad but I hate not remembering.

Saturday will have been my last drink for the foreseeable, as I can't moderate what I drink.

I know I will be happier and healthier moving forward this way.

This is probably the wake up call you needed. It seems like you don't know your tipping point - one minute you're fine and the next you're at the point of no return. If you can't tell when to stop I agree it's best just not to drink.
I understand completely how you feel. I used to be a binge drinker in my youth but since becoming a mum 13 years ago, I hadn't been drunk once. However there was an incident this summer where I got carried away. I knew I was tipsy but had no idea just how drunk I was. One minute I was a family member's house, then I woke up in the middle of the night in their spare bed surrounded by vomit. It was horribly humiliating and shameful. I still feel deep sadness about it. I haven't been interested in drinking since. It's far nicer to wake up with a clear head and not this awful anxiety and humiliation.

Wish you the best. It's worth having an honest discussion with your husband even if it is embarrassing. Just to say you don't want to drink any more and would like his support... And an apology for chundering over him last night.

Hopefully with time you'll start to feel a lot better

You can do this! Make a list of drinks you do like without alcohol, tell people you regularly socialise with in advance of a night out (before they start drinking) and remember, it's fine not to drink. I've been drinking a beer called clear head recently if you like ale, it's alcohol free

It is easier than you think.
Don't buy it. Don't start drinking and find at least five other soft drinks, juices, mocktails and waters that you love to drink.
Drink something - but not alcohol.
Our parents never drank and I never grew to need it. All of my family can do without, really happily. All still have a sense of fun and a sense of humour.

Read up on the health benifits of not drinking.
You are doing yourself a favour.

Can you seek RL support? You need to understand this isn’t that you can’t “handle a drink”. It’s that you are unable to stop at one. You can’t control your drinking so you need to stop. Not just for the foreseeable. But for good.

I found reading sober-curious books really helpful

Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your experience aswell.
My kids are 5&7.. i also felt very guilty for them seeing me that hungover on Sunday and also for not being fully there for them throughout the day.
Thank you again for your words, I really appreciate it 💖

Oh, I have definitely apologised! He was actually very kind and accepting of my apology, which has helped. I have said to him that I won't be drinking again, and he agrees and definitely will be supportive of that.
It's more admitting to everyone how I blackout and that I know I should have done this long ago.
I am definitely feeling ready to make this change though.
Thank you for your support.

Thank you for your support!
I do think all my friends will be supportive of it, and at the end of the day me not drinking doesn't impact them enjoying a drink... And luckily, we don't go out much so it shouldn't be a massive issue.
I will check out that beer... I'm sure there are so many alternatives that I will enjoy.

This is the thing, I have been brought up with a very social family who enjoy drinking and still do. I feel it's just been normalised. Even with friends, when we do meet up it always involves alcohol.
I know I am a fun a nice person to be around without drinking, and me not drinking will not impact anyone else.
I'm sure all my friends will be supportive of it too, I just wanted to put my feelings out there until I am ready to speak to people.. although, at the same time they probably don't realise how much of an issue it is for me as I've never been honest about it ie blacking out etc
But thank you for your reply and support, it is appreciated.

What is RL support?
The thing is, I can control my drinking when I'm home, I will have one or 2 glasses on a Saturday night and I am happy with that.
It's when I am out on a social setting that I can't control it.
But yes, it more than likely will be for good.

Thank you. I will have a look into this.

Sobriety is one of the wisest and most precious gifts that you can give yourself - my partner is a self confessed binge drinker and has an incredibly unhealthy relationship with, and attitude towards, alcohol. It is destroying our relationship, alcohol stole my mum and a previous partner ended up in intensive care, on a drip, and nearly died from pancreatitis, as a result of drinking, I cannot, and will not, go through it again, but will support her if she has the self awareness, intelligence or courage to admit her problem as you have done! My respect to you and very best wishes in your fight sgainst this highly addictive, anti social, poisonous, destructive drug. Good luck OP.

Sorry. RL is real life.

Wishing you luck!

Check out 90 Days Later podcast by Anna Charles. She posts on Mumsnet from time to time (her handle is brightspice something so look out for her). She talks such common sense without talking down to you. She gets it.

I think stopping altogether sounds the right choice. Drinking to blackout and vomiting is not a good sign.

Think about never having that wtf have I done and feeling shit when you wake up. It’s a great feeling.

I agree with reading some quit lit and listening to podcasts

good luck

I was you four months ago. My DH and I have both given up and honestly I feel smug about how bloody brilliant it is. No more hangovers, no more two day recovery, no more over eating. I wake every morning and I’m grateful for not drinking.

By the sixth week I no longer felt the Friday night, end of a long week need to drink - in fact, the week’s no longer feel ‘long’. We make the most of the kids, our weekends and life in general.

We don’t socialise as much but that’s due to other factors but last night we went for dinner with friends and four out of the six of us weren’t drinking. We had some lovely non alcoholic alternatives (if you like fizz the closest I’ve come to it is this https://drydrinker.com/products/real-kombucha-sparkling-tea-mixed-case?variant=44301502152942&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=17198632314&utm_content=&utm_term=&gadid=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAjfyqBhAsEiwA-UdzJHosh4sZvhNMUkb7KUfloJDvjlMyn1Pqio5e_OcmPCB6Eo5YdQgaVBoCq4cQAvD_BwE

Good luck, you will not regret your decision

Thank you for your post and recommendations!!

My husband has also decided to give it up aswell.

I have been to a christening and a dinner with friends and really didn't feel the need to drink at all, and like you say the Friday feeling for a bottle of wine has gone.

We sound a bit like yourselves, not much of a social life but I am really looking forward to a life without any alcohol and always being fully available for the kids.. I felt like the worst mum ever that Sunday.

Thanks again for commenting... It's has made me feel better about my bad night and even better about moving forward 😊

Hi @Fbcip2023 I know this thread is a few weeks old but I wondered how you were getting on? I sound exactly like you do. I don't drink day to day but when I'm out with friends or colleagues I don't seem to have an off switch and often can't remember getting home or what I've said. The anxiety is off the scale. I had a night out on Thursday and although I didn't think I drank that much, the following day (yesterday), I felt absolutely awful and embarrassed remembering what I'd said to work people (Xmas party) even though I thought I was just 'merry'. I've had many black out nights and am worried I will go a step too far one day and will do something awful or get hurt/put myself in danger. I can't moderate so am 'having a complete break' from booze for now... hope you are ok x

Some people cannot tolerate alcohol. You are not your true self when you're drinking. Well done for deciding to quit! You can definitely have fun without alcohol and feel good after!

Hi @wannabedry - it's such a horrible feeling, isn't it 😩
I haven't touched any alcohol for the last 4 weeks (since the dreaded night out), and tbh I haven't missed it!
I have been to a christening when all my friends were drinking, I just said I'd take all the kids home and leave them to it along with dinner out with friends who were all drinking.
It's such a good feeling waking up in the morning with no anxiety, regrets or hangover.
My husband's joining me on this, and he's been drinking non alcoholic beers quite the thing but I've still to fine a wine or prosecco I enjoy... But at the same time, I'm not too fussed 🙈 I've told all my friends and family and they're all supportive of it, and alot of them actually feel the same. Alcohol takes alot away from you, even if you don't have blackouts etc
That first week I was on Insta and Spotify adding all the AF pages, and it really changes your perspective. Have a look through all the different pages, I don't have a particular recommendation, they've all been good!!
You can definitely do this!! 🙌🥰✨

Good morning @Fbcip2023 and anyone else reading this. I am currently out and about with a clear head and although I didn't sleep well last night, at least I can say it's nothing to do with alcohol!

@Fbcip2023 well done on 4 weeks sober. That's so good. I also have support of my (long suffering) boyfriend (I'm 41 so it feels a bit weird saying boyfriend but you know what I mean!) and he has said he doesn't think I have a problem but it's exact what you were saying, about how we appear normal and like we are having a good time but then can't remember huge parts of the night. I wasn't sick on Thursday but there have been many times when I have been sick in front of him. I'm so embarrassed thinking back... he did tell me in was 'slurring words' when we got back home the other month but he said it's wasn't too bad - of course, it sounds absolutely awful to me!!

I have been listening to Janey Lee Grace's podcast and followed lots of AF accounts on Insta and it's definitely helping. I have another work do on Tuesday which I won't drink at all at.

I feel very motivated at the moment as Thursday is fresh in my mind. Hopefully I won't forget how I felt on Friday and can keep this up.

Keep us posted with your progress. One day at a time! We can do it!

I think I’ve found the perfect fizz now. It was recommended at a wine tasting last week (I didn’t drink). Unlike many other alternatives, it’s dry and not sweet. Definitely rate it https://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/p/58274/wild-life-botanicals-nude-sparkling-aperitif?source=&g_acctid=734-378-4471&g_adgroupid=&g_adid=&g_adtype=none&g_campaign=UK+-+PMax+-+Catch+All&g_campaignid=20503968600&g_keyword=&g_keywordid=&g_network=x&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4NWrBhD-ARIsAFCKwWvudFSAtuSINJMzcuOWSFpmTteOe4bLIt3a5ca9xImmWmfprwXUqmwaAntfEALw_wcB

We’re almost five months in and it’s such a powerful feeling. I honestly feel as though I’ve escaped something. That may sound extreme but it’s so freeing.

My DH went for drinks with some school dads on Friday for a few hours. He picked them up, stayed for four hours, had a great time and then was able to go and collect our son from his party. He felt so good coming home, not snacking on rubbish, not waking up feeling rubbish.

We are getting comments from family about how extreme we are, and that it’s should be a balance. I feel that we’re lucky to be able to stop. They don’t feel it’s sustainable but I know we can’t return to just having a few drinks now and then. It’s not in our nature. We are “all or nothing” type people. Which has its positives but also, negatives. I know if we started to have a glass of wine with dinner on a Friday, it would soon turn into fancying a bottle on a Monday after a bad/great day in work.

I think people project their own opinions on our drinking as they might be concerned about theirs? Approaching Christmas many of our family have said “Of course, you’ll have a drink at Christmas”. They can’t get over that we won’t. We don’t need to. Now it would be like smoking a cigarette. We’re not smokers so wouldn’t have a cigarette to celebrate Christmas so, similarly, why would we have a glass of wine? It would be equally as strange.

We’re starting to go out more now and are happy having non alcoholic drinks and driving home. We started this as a 12 month challenge but I can’t see that happening. I don’t think we’ll drink again and I feel relieved.

In particular, we didn’t want drinking to be a habit around our DC. They notice when we get tipsy and they find the change in personality odd - never negative, always jolly and happy but still odd for them.

Confession: I went away a few weeks ago and as the kiddies weren’t there, I had a few drinks. It was awful. I was so so sick, and I didn’t even have many. The next day was a right off and spoilt the last day of my trip. I’m glad it happened. It was a good lesson, that my body can’t cope. For whatever reason, it doesn’t react well to being poisoned. It confirmed that this is a long term change. I’m not beating myself up for having that drink at all, and I’m not starting from scratch- this is a lifestyle choice and one we are learning how to navigate. So far, all positive and no negatives.

Well, last night was my firm Christmas party. It was a champagne reception, all beers and wines on offer AND an apple mocktail. I didn't touch a drop of alcohol and had about five mocktails instead. They were delicious. I left after a few hours and although slept a bit badly (had a bit of a nightmare return journey), I was so pleased to be completely clear headed. Not even one drink! I really hope I can keep this up.

Good to luck to all navigating Christmas parties these next couple of weeks! There were many sore heads in the office today and I was sat there feeling pretty smug. I still have the fear though. Last night when I left there were some pretty pissed people and it was complete 'play the tape forward' moment for me. It's scary.