So. Much. Craving.

[Sillymummies123]

Have had a reasonably okay ride. 2.5 months since a single planned experimental night of relapse (2 months before that, so about 4.5 months in).

This last week I am craving to f**k. Just feeling a sense of overwhelming futility, as I know by my personality and history that the only way I'm ever going to manage this is to "want to live a sober life" and be excited about it. Up until a couple of weeks ago I have been just that. Since, it's all just creeping back in.

Gaaaaaah

What do you think the difference is in the last couple of weeks? Is it something external like the weather/ darker nights, or something internal?

(I always used to get really twitchy around milestones because I started to panic about “forever”, but after a while I started to recognise that).

If you give into the cravings, alcohol will get its claws back into you, and you’ll be back where you were.

What worked as a distraction for you in the early days? Be kind to yourself- you’re doing really well, so keep going

I honestly don't know. I think it just might be "time since last drink". And I'm just feeling the full pull of wanting to drink. I didn't want to drink when I had that planned relapse, not really, and I didn't enjoy it. So I think this is my first proper desire to be a drinker (note, I've had desire to drink as is part of stopping drinking, but I didn't have the desire to be a drinker. I wanted to be a non drinker. I now want to be a drinker, but also a little part doesn't. Difficult time.

Cravings typically occur around 4pm and end around 8pm. I expect its just where we haven't had this evening darkness and the only associations I have (from last year) are drinking during them.

Hi OP, how are you now? I wondered whether trying to replace your association between darker winter evenings and drinking might help. Is there anything you'd like to do that might work?

I rode out last night's cravings. Had a rough night's sleep. Feel crap this morning.

I am perfectly capable of riding out some cravings, but it's like a week on the trot, with no end in sight. I fully believe that will power is finite and that I need to try to "not want alcohol" to succeed, so I'm quite disheartened that I suddenly want it.

Truths that are impacting my sobriety:

• I do not wake up in the morning feeling better for not drinking. I'm just as tired, headachy.

• I stopped because I was drinking too much, not because I didn't enjoy it at the time.

• Life is a little bit harder now, and I've had no "wow - sobriety really is the tits" moments.

All that being said - I am happy I've had the four months, and the thought of still doing all that drinking makes me scared.

I happen to be reading this morning a book like no other I’ve read before - The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray - my husband is the addict and he’s found this book so very helpful - he is 66 days sober.

As an aside I’ve found a greater understanding of addiction from reading this book, I’d go as far to say as I expect it to be life changing for me with my understanding of addiction and actually it’s a great read in promoting life and health benefits for all.

I hope you have a better day today and going forward too.

I do understand your point OP - I appreciate it's not the same situation, but I made a big change to my spending habits from when I was younger, and now I 'enjoy' making good spending and savings decisions, which makes it a lot easier to stay on track.

Good luck.

I'm much better now! I went to the gym and did an exceptionally hard leg workout. Nearly vomiting, hard. Feel much more level now.

I've read The Unexpected Joy. It has, however, been a month or so since i last checked into QuitLit and I knew when I first started that I'd need to check in again when the effect started to wear off. I find I relate less to Catherine, though, as she quit at a more advanced stage (shakes, couch surfing with creepy guys), whereas I was more "functional suburban alcoholic", so I am drawn more to Annie Grace. Both authors are very inspirational though, so I'll probably register to both (I do audible on the way to work/university)

@Sillymummies123 I hear you! I am a terrible binge drinker, currently on day 92 sober. I am a bit strange in so much as I can have one or two and stop ie I do have an off switch - my binges were planned - I needed to get completely black out drunk to turn my mind off then I would get terrible withdrawals so needed to taper off over a day. I have nearly lost everything so this is my last chance.

Currently completely sober but still not got to the point of not wanting to drink. I do want to drink and I crave a glass of red wine nearly every night! It sucks and I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. But I am positive in so much as I have had no desire whatsover to buy a bottle of vodka and knock myself out. this is a new feeling for me - before, I've never made it past a week or two without caving. (Had a ton of therapy etc to deal with the childhood abuse behind my drinking to oblicivion).

I know there will be a million people say that I will never be able to moderate and maybe I won't, but I cannot see an AF life for me - I so want the switch to flick and that I will see it as poison and never want to drink again. But I am not there yet.

People say use HALT and ride the cravings out, that they will only last 15 minutes - but I fantasise about having a glass of wine for days! We are going on holiday soon and part of me is dreading it as I will be the only one not drinking and it is a constant reminder that I have a problem. I've done AF holidays before and they were good but they generally followed a period of binge drinking/guilt/hangxiety so I was glad to be not drinking. Now I am 3 months sober I have lost the pink cloud and wish I could join in with the others.

I am doing everything I should be but I still want to drink! But I never want to be drunk again ever. So I am plodding on with lots of early nights, journaling, being grateful, drinking AF drinks etc etc and just hoping that one day I will see the light and not want to drink.

It sucks 🙁

@Sillymummies123 and @2023forme - it will not feel like this forever! Although 3 or 4 months is a huge achievement, it is still really early days in terms of sobriety. You’re still hitting “firsts”, which are tricky.

And sobriety is a great and wonderful thing, but it can’t achieve miracles- if your life has underlying issues, it can’t fix those. Eventually sobriety will give you the space to start to address them, but for the first year it’s all about just not drinking.

Sunshine Warm Sober by Catharine Gray is really good at digging into what comes after these initial efforts, compared to a lot of quit lit which is great at getting you to 100 days or whatever.

And you might want to check out the “alcohol free life” thread on here.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you. I’m still giving it my all and hoping to not want to drink at all anymore. I’ll check out that book suggestion.

I have not had any, and I'm nit craving today so hopefully it was a blimp. I'm still surprised when I run to the car or to the shop and it feels... springy like light on my feet. I've also exercised my whole adult life, but have only really found it easier and made progress this last 4 months. I think I need to revisit This Naked Mind. My mind is starting to focus on "being sober" rather than "not wanting alcohol" and I think, for me, that's the big distinction.

Thanks all

Well done on making it through. Honestly, what I found make a big difference for me was doing exactly what you are doing with switching the narrative from 'not drinking' to 'being sober'. It really is not about removing something from your life that is no longer serving you, it's about creating space for bring in new things to your life that are going to serve you longer term.

To deal with cravings, I did exactly what you are doing to start, exercise and movement as many days as I could, and during those hours when things would be extra hard, I put on my headphones and listened to a sobriety podcast. One for the Road, Sober Awkward, Behind the Smile, Hello Someday were some of the ones I first started with. Annie Grace has one too, though I have never really listened to it. It was about filling my head with a different sort of message when I was pondering how I could just get through the day without having a drink. But longer term, it helped me change my mindset: it's not about what I'm not allowed to do or what I'm missing out on, it's about what I get to do instead and what I'm gaining in my life.

That's been a huge part in what's made things work for me this time. I'm 6 months sober now and I don't really get cravings anymore or really even think much about alcohol (other than sometimes other people's drinking is annoying!).

Well, I'm gonna level with you all... the cravings remain. I'm not really sure what's going on. It's been about a fortnight now. Can't identify a trigger, really. Just feel a thirst that only alcohol would quench (amd literally - I mean a thirst). All of the emotional and psychological desire to drink has returned- no idea why.

This does not feel sustainable at the moment.

Might want to try an anti craving medicine? Have a look at acamprosate and naltrexone as these are the first line NICE approved drugs and are safe and effective. GP won’t prescribe in most areas for stupid bureaucratic reasons but local alcohol services would. Helps a lot of people. Doesn’t take away all of the craving but makes it more manageable.

Can you revisit your reasons for wanting to become sober in the first place?

I had half a cider yesterday. Felt very weird in my mouth, felt weird after.

Might get burned alive for this, but along with a planned relapse in August, I think this has been useful in demystifying alcohol and reminding me that I'm over it. It didn't fill me with happiness or cure all of my ills, and it was nice to be reminded of that as it was becoming "forbidden fruit" for me. It isn't now.

I'm also not counting half of a cider as a relapse, more of a checkpoint or back reflection on something that used to mean a lot to me (and, objectively when drinking, doesn't now).

I imagine i might end up (unplanned) doing something similar in a few months. Perhaps it's just the pattern I'll follow for now.

Have you thought about going to AA meetings if you'd like to stop?

I know it's not for everyone but so many people I know have found sobriety through them.

If it helps , I used to believe I could never ever not want to drink... I always wanted a drink - always.

I've now been sober since March 2016 and honestly, I almost never miss it .. I don't want to drink now .. and if I do, occasionally, I remind myself why I am sober .. it's so much easier now ..

I've gone from daily bottles of wine to having drank on 2 occasions since mid July, so I'm happy for now.

I just cannot and will not live a life of deprivation. Hence I do the Naked Mind type method, not AA.

I'm rather happy this morning regarding the cider last night. I didn't need or want any more and that persists today.

My cravings and mood issues persisted after the half cider too, so I think it's less craving and more ongoing mood problems which I historically used alcohol to treat. Last night was helpful in letting me see that it isn't the answer

Also - thanks to all those who have taken time to help. I was getting in quite a mess this week with the cravings and was genuinely desperate for how best to proceed.

It's a journey, not a sprint I suppose.

Glad you are feeling better. I just googled naked mind and it looks sensible.

If you can get to a point where you are able to drink in moderation and that makes you happy, then that feels like a better solution than total abstention.

Even if it does creep back up after a while it doesn't necessarily matter because now you know how to deal with that.

I hear you. I always used to try and avoid the cravings but it never worked longterm. I found this free course online and it's great: 90dayslater.co/3things

I'm afraid jve been back on the booze. Last night and a night last weekend.

Positive news:

• Didn't feel relief when drinking either time, just felt a bit sick and dizzy. Both times felt "why did I bother with this? It doesn't even feel nice?" Which is a FAR CRY from how I felt drinking in July when I was doing it every night.
• When I was full sober, I would be groggy in the morning and think "this isn't any better than being hungover", but good God! It definitely was. Both last weekend and this.morning I feel awful.
• My brain isn't going "oh well, get better. You just like drink and that's that" - on the contrary, I'm look ahead to other non-drinking activities, like "oh, tonight I think I'd rather just play a boardgame and have a Carbonara". This is completely new. For months after quitting, I couldn't derive pleasure from anything else, but now I seem to have other interests.

I think the outcome of this is going to be sporadic drinking at events, which I don't enjoy much, and then long periods of not touching the stuff. I thought by drinking or craving I was failing, but it doesn't feel like that at all.