Hangover anxiety.. I hate myself

[Poppet626]

Hi,

I feel like I just need a bit of support today. I cannot handle my drink and have never been able too. I don't know when to stop when I have a few and I have over the course of my adult life created so much shame and embarrassment for myself and today I really hate myself.

We went to my partners friends 30th birthday last night so I didn't know hardly anyone and I ended up drinking loads because it makes me feel more confident I guess but I was just talking and being overly lovey to everyone it was so cringey and embarrassing. My partner was talking to these girls and I got all jealous and shitty with him (luckily not in-front of anyone) but after that I was just so so drunk and and ordered a drink I ended up spilling, the bar man then refused to serve me and I ended up hysterically crying because I was worried that I'd annoyed people. We went home after that and I was just stood outside waiting for the taxi crying my eyes out. I don't remember massive chunks of the night, certainly don't remember going home or going to bed. I feel so embarrassed that I got so drunk and someone's birthday party where I was not even the friend of this person but my his friends partner.

I have done this type of thing and worse sooo many times when I drink that last year I gave up alcohol for six months. I started to have a drink again when I went on holiday and since then I have been fine but it always eventually happens again.

I feel like if I didn't drink alcohol I wouldn't have the confidence to go to social events and I would miss out on things.

I am mortified and feel so massively un well today. I had to go food shopping and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack like everyone was looking at me and everyone in the shop knew how embarrassing I was. I have such bad anxiety today and so much self hatred and shame.

I hate my relationship with alcohol, I wish I could be normal and not act that way

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. The alcohol will also be contributing to tie feeling of worry.. give yourself a few days to let your system rebalance and think what you would say to a friend who it happened to: we've all been there, take care of yourself . Honestly in a few days you will feel better - and then you can make a plan to take care of future nights out xx

I know it's hard to believe but you will feel better in a couple of days. You'd probably feel more confident on social events without alcohol because you'd know you would not feel this way the next day as you'd be calm and in control. You haven't caused harm, you were drunk. I know how it all feels, if you immerse yourself in movies or box sets it will help. Don't beat yourself up, the shame is the depressive elements of alcohol and you've blacked out in parts. You'll be OK just be kind to yourself and try a night out being in control.

I have written a very similar post, and have been in your position more times than I would like to remember... Although, I usually can't remember, which is even worse!!

I have made my mind up that I will no longer be drinking any alcohol, even the glass of wines in the house at the weekend.

I hope you've been feeling better over the last few weeks, and have been able to speak to your partner about the issues.

Ebarrassment is my issues right now, to admit to people I black out and always have done and just can't control what I drink.

We are making the first steps here and I definitely think we will be feeling much better over the next few months. Christmas will be challenging, but if we can get over that we are sorted!!