Party night

[collywobble]

Hi , looking for advice here and motivation I guess . I'm doing Stoptober and feeling amazing for it. I'm a weekend drinker who gets ridiculously bad hangovers and very bad menopause symptoms when I drink . I don't think my liver processes alcohol and oestrogen very well. My dilemma is a party this weekend, think Halloween disco for adults in a nightclub that I absolutely love. Everyone dances and drinks and it's a real social event on our calendar. My question is how do I get through? Is it possible to have a boogie stone cold sober when everyone else is drinking or should I have a night off and enjoy a few drinks and take the hit of a hangover the next day? What's other people's experience in the early days of not drinking . I'm quite an anxious person who finds drinking helps me to have fun and conversations.

It is absolutely possible to go and have a great time without drinking alcohol. It’s up to you though if you feel ready for that. If it was me personally and I wanted to stop drinking or seriously cut down and I was faced with a social event that I wasn’t sure I could manage without drinking, I’d just stay home and have a quiet night or make other plans (spa night with other friends, a class, takeaway and film, etc).

Ultimately, it’s about finding a new path through life. If you drink through everything that looks like it will be challenging, you never get a chance to learn that there are other ways to do it (and that it isn’t as hard as you think).

Playing it forward helps. Think about how you will feel on Sunday morning. Will you be glad you drank, or will you wish you hadn’t? That’s the feeling that will stick with you.

Also I would re-frame the way you think about your body handling alcohol. It’s not that your liver doesn’t process oestrogen or alcohol. This is literally what drinking feels like. This is what it’s designed to do. It’s not that you can’t handle it. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s just your body trying to keep the toxins from hurting you. It makes you feel rubbish.

If you’re feeling amazing doing Stoptober, why not use this opportunity to test your assumptions about alcohol?

You say you find drinking helps you have fun and have conversations, but when was the last time you tried doing this without alcohol?

If you drink, you’ll never find out how you can cope sober.

I’m not saying it will be easy- you may find everything much louder than you’re used to, because alcohol affects all our senses, and you may feel more tired, because you don’t have the shot of adrenaline and cortisol that alcohol gives you. So have an escape plan ready if you want to leave early.

But just imagine the best case scenario. You go, have a great time, dance (I bet when you were younger you had no problem dancing without drinking), go home when you need to, remember the whole night, and get up feeling awesome the next morning. Got to be worth a go?

Some really good advice thank you. I really appreciate it and always remember my grandma who was completely teetotal being the first person on the dance floor. I can't cancel or avoid as it's a trip away so will use the opportunity to test my sober dancing skills.

Also think about the other things that get you in the mood to be sociable/party apart from alcohol - bit of exercise, shower, getting ready with music, maybe games with some friends before the event, get the endorphins flowing.

Practise your big smile and think of some positive, open questions to ask people. And find some dance buddies. Dancing is easier to do sober than trying to make conversation shouting over the music!