A different thread: What are your specific sobriety challenges?

[Sillymummies123]

What the title says really - aside from cravings etc, what specific factors do you find most challenging in sobriety? I thought compiling a shared list might be interesting. Mine is:

I have health problems and often wake up with a headache/exhausted, even months on from alcohol, and so I don't get the "thank goodness I didn't drink last night" that everyone talks about if anything I found the anasthetic useful.

The feeling of “not being normal” when on holiday, at celebrations etc. I know that there is no such thing as “normal” and millions of people don’t drink but it still makes me sad that I can’t.

Good question @Sillymummies123

Currently for me, a key challenge is that my coping mechanism has been removed. I know it was a false friend, but it did the job effectively and numbed those negative intrusive thoughts away.

And similar to @2023forme , I do feel like the odd one out. (And a little bit "it's not fair"!)

Also, I imagine for a great deal of us, the thought of Moderation is an ongoing challenge.

@Sillymummies123 @Steppered - another thing that is troubling me is not being in charge of my own life.

This is not because of sobriety as such, but because of my drinking problem. There’s things over and above drinking that I cannot do anymore. It’s like I’m “not allowed” because the family don’t want me doing them as they are too worried about me drinking.

There’s an annual trip overseas that I went on with friends that I now can’t go on. No one could actually stop me as such but there is very strong opposition to me going. I’ve explained that if I wanted to drink I wouldn’t wait until a trip abroad but it doesn’t help.

I understand why they feel like this and I just have to go along with it because I’ve caused so much hurt and pain - and I have scared them too. But I hate that my life is now like this. My own fault but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

I’m trying to accept it and to remain positive about the good things in my life, but it’s not something I think I will be able to accept long term. I can’t spend the rest of my life feeling like I’m not an autonomous person. I hate that I’ve caused my life to be like this. 😞

I find it a tiny bit boring if I’m honest

It's this that has stopped me from permanently being tea total. It's the catch 22 of knowing I need to stop (again) and having to accept I'm not fully in control of my life which I find so unsettling it breaks down my MH defences. It's something I need therapy to explore I think as the dynamic of being given a rule, imposition, boundary and then 'rebelling' against it is probably the core cause of half the problem. Hope you find peace with it.

@Bowbobobo - I know what you mean. I am happy that I have no cravings to drink myself to oblivion but I still feel like I want to be able to have a glass of red wine or a baileys or two. I miss getting tipsy and putting the world to rights with DH but I know I will probably never be able to do that again.

@PTSDBarbiegirl - funny you should say that. I was trying to explain my “secret” drinking to a very close friend of DH and I. I feel like I got a buzz from sneaking booze into the house and finding ways to hide it then drink it in secret. It’s like I know drinking like this is bad and I’m “not allowed” but I get a kick out of getting one over on them. I was hiding booze even when I wasn’t banned from drinking - I even sneaked booze on an all inclusive holiday once! Crazy.

Boredom.