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Alcohol support

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Original poster

** Sigh ** - age old question. To moderate, or not to moderate?

31 replies

Sillymummies123 · 15/10/2023 19:17

I've arrived at the phase in my recovery where I'm now starting to get passing fantasies about drinking now and then. I've been waiting for it, and I'm 4 months (with one brief planned one night of relapse within, which was yuck) sober, 2.5ish months on from relapse I think (don't quote me, but I don't keep track anymore).

The desire to drink hasn't entirely left, I think purely because I have "ALCOHOL WOULD MAXIMISE THE FUN OF SITUATION X" syndrome from having had alcohol as an adjunct to all fun all my life.

I gave up fairly successfully, didn't really look back. Have generally avoided the long term thought of never drinking again, though its the default plan and I've been very actively structuring social activities to "re learn" fun - most recently I had a 0.0 beer in an old pub with some family from out of town at night, after going out for dinner in a previous favourite cocktail haunt.

However, I'm getting the "I bet I could just have the odd sesh every 2-3 months. I'm acutely aware of the pitfall that it's purely the drug talking, and I've been well prepared for it. I think it's the change to autumn, and the fresh associations wirh cosy nights and Christmas, and I suspect I'm getting a bit of fatigue about consciously rewriting these associaitons.

However - part of me is like "there are soooo many people who drink every few months and otherwise crack on without it" - I believe many of them frequent this forum, as I've seen them before.

I know I'll get an onslaught of comments now reassuring me that it's a trick, and it doesn't work, but I am honestly genuinely curious to hear from those for whom it does work long term (but I suppose - why would they be on this forum).

OP posts:
Tegun · 20/10/2023 06:49

Sillymummies123 · 20/10/2023 06:17

I went to a pub quiz yesterday with two friends. One of the friends slammed a pint, and then another within the first hour.

It was strange to watch. He then became a hit intense, contributed to conversations like he wasn't reading the room, a bit repetitive, almost like he was coked up.

It was certainly a good advert for not drinking and I had soft drinks and didn't even miss the booze!

Brilliant!

QueenofFox · 20/10/2023 07:14

i guess it comes down to what alcohol is doing in the rest of your life. I don’t drink at home, never have a glass of wine with my partner and if I go out for dinner, which is rare these days, I’ll just have a glass. However I do like the release of a big night (by I mean maybe 4/5 glasses, maybe a cocktail or two) which does leave me with a proper hangover. I do this maybe once every 4-6 weeks - a birthday party, Christmas party, a big gig. I don’t think “going on the sesh” is bad as I don’t think of alcohol the rest of the time and there is no desire to drink the rest of the time. I think that is drinking in moderation for me and I don’t have a problem with alcohol, I just enjoy a big party every now and then. It’s completely subjective.

VoldemortsKitten · 20/10/2023 07:44

Sillymummies123 · 20/10/2023 06:17

I went to a pub quiz yesterday with two friends. One of the friends slammed a pint, and then another within the first hour.

It was strange to watch. He then became a hit intense, contributed to conversations like he wasn't reading the room, a bit repetitive, almost like he was coked up.

It was certainly a good advert for not drinking and I had soft drinks and didn't even miss the booze!

You did great @Sillymummies123 hope u won the quiz 😍

Resentful2023 · 20/10/2023 09:44

@Sillymummies123 well done on 4 months off alcohol. I wanted to respond to the idea of alcohol making things more fun. I'm nearly a year not drinking. I'm counting it as not drinking even though I had a couple of glasses on holiday this summer and one recently on a weekend away with my husband. I felt like I wanted to 'test' alcohol in those scenarios where I strongly associated it with fun and relaxation. It was not a session, it was a "let's see". Turns out I now really dislike how it makes my body feel because I'm only having one drink - and not having the second, third, fourth that mask that feeling. So I feel ready to say moderation definitely not for me (and my moderation plan was like a couple of drinks a year). But I've realised alcohol didn't make things fun, it just made my disinhibition easier in social circles. There are entire countries, societies, religions that do not drink and they have fun. I need to work on feeling confident enough in myself to 'let go' and be social without alcohol. I'd suggest you think about what the 'fun' you're missing truly is, peel the layers. I started drinking at 14 so I'm basically having to relearn how to have fun and be social sober. Had a great work night out last night and delighted with myself today as it felt very natural and not forced, like I'm mastering this new skill. Good luck and keep going!

Original poster
Sillymummies123 · 21/10/2023 10:06

Resentful2023 · 20/10/2023 09:44

@Sillymummies123 well done on 4 months off alcohol. I wanted to respond to the idea of alcohol making things more fun. I'm nearly a year not drinking. I'm counting it as not drinking even though I had a couple of glasses on holiday this summer and one recently on a weekend away with my husband. I felt like I wanted to 'test' alcohol in those scenarios where I strongly associated it with fun and relaxation. It was not a session, it was a "let's see". Turns out I now really dislike how it makes my body feel because I'm only having one drink - and not having the second, third, fourth that mask that feeling. So I feel ready to say moderation definitely not for me (and my moderation plan was like a couple of drinks a year). But I've realised alcohol didn't make things fun, it just made my disinhibition easier in social circles. There are entire countries, societies, religions that do not drink and they have fun. I need to work on feeling confident enough in myself to 'let go' and be social without alcohol. I'd suggest you think about what the 'fun' you're missing truly is, peel the layers. I started drinking at 14 so I'm basically having to relearn how to have fun and be social sober. Had a great work night out last night and delighted with myself today as it felt very natural and not forced, like I'm mastering this new skill. Good luck and keep going!

Your experience really resonates with me. I suppose, as with every person, every alcohol user is different. Your description sounds more like me. I may try moderating one day, I may not. If I were to fail and go back to drinking regularly, I don't think I'd just continue on. I think I'd stop for good. Something changed in me this time around quitt8ng. Alcohol has always been such a big part of my life, but I think the change came even before I had given up alcohol. That's why I was able to stop.

I started taking an interest in healthy eating before I quit, I then began taking an interest in liver health. I've had psoriasis my whole life, and this year I even went into the hard-core medicine for it, where I've avoided that to this point. I think something just happened and I decided "damn it- I can be healthy, if I want to". I think, previous to giving up alcohol, I always had this "no matter what you do, you won't be healthy because you have to drink alcohol" in the back of my mind.

All the above being said, I don't currently want to moderate. I want to not drink. Thanks forum for the constant support

OP posts:
90DaysLaterBrightspice · 27/10/2023 16:06

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