40 days sober and

[WhenWillItAllGetBetter]

And feeling a bit glum.

I was feeling pretty good for the first 4 weeks or so, sleep was better almost immediately, much less anxiety, lost weight, better skin etc etc.

But just feel so flat now, I’m thinking about having a drink more now than ever, I think I was expecting it to just get easier rather than harder.

I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night and it was only getting worse, I was doing all sorts of dodgy things like hiding bottles so my partner wouldn’t know. I know I have no options but to stop but really struggling with how flat I feel. It’s great to not have the lows that came along with alcohol but really missing the highs.

Has anyone got any words of wisdom?

Hiya OP. Would you like to jump onto "It's Day 1. Anyone else?" thread? There's a few of us on there in our early days and we've just been going through our positives and negatives. It's a lovely supportive thread and you'd be very welcome.

I think it’s really normal. I’ve spoken to friends who have quit and they immediately felt amazing, buzzing and then the new normal is just… normal. And they forget how awesome it felt after feeling cruddy for so long.

First of all OP, well done on 40 days sober, what an achievement!

Could you treat yourself to something to celebrate without using alcohol? Get your hair and/or nails done, buy yourself a new outfit or a piece of jewellery or something...

I have no personal experience of anything like this, so not sure if it'll be of any help to you but all the best going forward!

It's called the pink cloud and newly sober people experience it to differing degrees.
The pink cloud is the flying high feeling, the mental motivation and feeling of freedom that one can experience when they first quit.

Sometimes that feeling never goes away and those lucky people float on a cloud of beautiful easy sobriety. It's because alcohol suppresses natural dopamine, so when you quit your body works overtime to create its own, hence the feeling of invincibility and natural high.

Typically the body then has to rebalance the dopamine and the pink cloud starts to diminish or tail off, leading people to think that sobriety has failed them, or that they're going to crave alcohol forever.

I'm 145 days sober, it's been nearly 5 months for me. My pink cloud lasted about 90 days before gently tailing off. However last week I had a day when all I could think about was a bottle of wine after work. This hasn't ever happened to be more before and I freaked out a bit wondering why I was craving - I attributed it to a glitch in my matrix.

Alls I can say, I'd play the tape forward. You've already gotten over the hardest part. Sobriety is hard enough, why would you want to keep repeating the hard part?
Imagine how you will feel if you have a bottle of wine - regret? Hangxiety? Spiraling mental health? Disappointment? Play the tape forward in your head and recall what you will feel in the immediate days afterward.
You've never woken up in the morning and regretted not drinking.

"Sobriety will deliver what alcohol promises"

I cannot moderate and when I say that, I mean that I might plan to only drink one night a week. Within 6 months I know that I'll be drinking 4 nights a week, because that's what alcohol does to me. So it's easier for me not to drink at all.

If you've not read it already, I highly recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. When you're having a struggle, reading "sobriety literature" can be a real help and really solidifies your headspace.

@WhenWillItAllGetBetter - I hear you! I am at day 69 today after a really bad few years of binge drinking and am feeling flat too. this is longerst I've done sober since I was last pregnant more than 23 years ago. I was always a big drinker but the last few years have been horrific and I've put family and friends through hell.

I am having periods of really missing drinking so much (although not the drinking to oblivion which I so do not miss!!) as sadly the "I never want to drink again" switch has not flicked for me. I really miss my red wine at dinner or having a few on the couch with DH once we have both finished working for the week. I worry I will never get over this feeling.

But.....I will never tire of waking up guilt and anxiety free and the feeling of knowing my family are out/at work and relaxed/not worrying about me at home getting wasted. These thoughts are what I am focussing on when I feel flat. This is my way of paying them back in some small way for the anxiety they have suffered because of my drinking.

I have come round to thinking that this is what people mean when they say you "have to put the work in" - this is the work - dealing with the feelings of "is this it", life is a bit dull now etc.

We all need to put the work in. I've been reminiscing about drinking this week and have had the rose tinted specs on so I am working a few extra shifts this weekend to keep me occupied - it will also help with my weight loss plan and get me some extra cash for Christmas and importantly, it will stop me sitting on the sofa snacking and wishing I was drinking red wine!

KOKO - we've got this 💪❤

I'm about 150 days in, but apart from that I could've written the exact same OP as you. I don't go out often and I was drinking a bottle of wine per night and always have done as long as I can remember. More if I went out.

I'm going out tomorrow night and I'm thinking a nice glass of red would be perfect but I know I can't trust myself. It's a slippery slope. I always feel a lot happier when these events have passed and I have succeeded in my sobriety. Hang on in there. X

Hang in there. Honestly, I felt pretty miserable for the first 3 months. Not because I wanted a drink and I couldn't have one - though I guess there was some of that too. But just because life feels a bit funny when you are used to numbing yourself to it and now you aren't. Honestly, I felt like shit when I was drinking. It wasn't like I felt great or was really happy. But I think it's easy to think that things will just be magically wonderful as soon as you stop.

Lots of things do get easier and better, but not drinking doesn't take away all the stuff that we have to deal with. I totally felt flat and blah and like what is the point? I would say it took til about 100 days for things to start to turn. There is probably a reason people say to do 100 days and not 30 if you really want to see what it's like without a drink. I'm 6 months now and things are great. Life isn't perfect, but it's leaps and bounds better than when I was drinking and certainly better than those awful early days. It does get better. Just keep going every day.

The one thing that you can be certain of is that it won't be better if you start drinking again. Maybe it might not be as horrible for a short time, but it will get worse and worse, and then you'll be right back where you were. These few months are just about powering through until it starts to get better.

Read some quit lit, listen to some podcasts, embrace the benefits of sobriety. You’ll get there. Well done on 40 days