Short of inpatient detox what else to suggest? Recovery resources and methods?

[BrlliantDog]

I'm concerned about a close family member who has struggled with alcohol for over a decade. They have tried:

• AA
• Smart Recovery
• Alan Carr and Alcohol Experiment
• Therapy

They go periods without any alcohol then hit it hard. None of the above resulted in sobriety longer than a year.

They run their own small business, nobody can cover and they are concerned about taking time away from it so refuse inpatient rehab.

I know it's their own issue and they will get sober when they mean it but I'd like to help as I feel so useless. I know how miserable they are and it's very sad. It's like I'm losing them right in front of my eyes.

I'd be grateful for any ideas or suggestions on what else they could try to sober up?

It’s really hard but it is their issue. It’s not about you suggesting or helping it is about them grasping the nettle.

There is detox at home where they give you the drugs and nurses visit a few times a day, someone did it on here.

Did they carry on going to AA? A big part of sustaining it as far as I can see is having a good sponsor and doing the steps.

Thank you for the replies. I'll suggest outpatient.
I don't know how long they attended AA for. I'll ask them if it's worth going back.

My family member had also had multiple periods of sobriety and then would fall off the wagon. Finally they went to a treatment centre for a month. I think the thing that made the big difference was all the intense one on one and group therapy they had while there, rather than the help with physical addiction. I don’t think they would be sober now if they hadn’t addressed the trauma that they were using alcohol to cope with. My person also had their own business and this was a barrier to recovery for a long time, I think rehab worked because they needed to concentrate on getting better rather than try and shoehorn recovery in between work. Everyone is different though.

Once out of rehab, AA has been invaluable but was tricky at first. Initially they needed time to find meetings they liked and a tribe of sober fellows they respected and wanted to hang out with and could message for support. I would say going to meetings has replaced going to the pub as a habit which is really positive.

I hope your family member is ok and also that you are coping. It’s tough being caught up in it.

Thanks for your kind comment @Gunpowder particularly as your person sounds similar to mine.
I would love for them to really focus on sobriety without distraction, it makes sense re shoehorning sobriety. I suppose we could try finding a way of making it happen somehow. I know it's not down to me but I can't give up on them, they are more than this.

A lot of people, addicts and non-addicts included, think AA is bullshit. It's not for everyone but it's presented as a must for recovery. It is actually successful for very few people.

Honestly, if you look at the research, psychedelics are the new frontier for treating alcoholism, but we're not there yet in terms of access and acceptance. So it would be a case of self-treating.

How does their business cope when they go on a bender? Ultimately if they want to stay alive they will need to prioritise putting in the work to stay sober.

I would be wary that you coming up with ideas for them to shoot down is just a convenient way for them to reinforce the feeling that 'nothing will work' so they might as well keep drinking. The impetus for change has to come from them.

I have a close relative who is an alcoholic and is, after another spell in rehab, sober for the moment. I’m afraid I am going to sound very harsh but I can only tell you that this isn’t your problem. You are obviously a very caring person but over the years I have learnt that an alcoholic will only get help when they want to. They may agree with you that they need to but that isn’t the same thing. They go for help when they reach rock bottom and that is lower than you can imagine.
you didn’t cause it
you can’t control ityou can’t cure it

i suggest you join Al-Anon, take care of yourself. It isn’t down to you.

@BrlliantDog - have they tried Antabuse (disulfiram ). It is a drug which if you take it, you become violently ill if you ingest alcohol. I’m a binge drinker and can do months of sobriety then relapse. I’m currently on my second use of it and am 2.5 months sober.

You’ve got to be really committed to staying AF as the reaction to drinking can be life threatening in the most severe cases. I get mine under supervision from the pharmacist 3 times a week but am due to go onto self administration. People can stay on it for years if they tolerate it but I have high blood pressure so the plan is for 6 months as it can make this worse.

I know I wouldn’t drink even if I wasn’t on it (just my current state of mind) but it stops the mental noise of “could I have one drink” as I know I can’t t drink anything alcoholic. It also takes 2 weeks to completely leave your body after stopping so even if I had and strong cravings, they would have passed before it was safe for me to drink, IYSWIM?

there is also the Sinclair method if you google that - it’s not standard treatment I the U.K. (if that’s where you are) but you can go through a private GP to get the naxolone /nalfemene- I’m going to try it in February once my 6 months on Antabuse are up.

Outpatient detox and support sounds like an initial first step, but ultimately, they need a community to support them: other sober people who become their supporters and friends. I think it's having that tribe and accountability that makes a huge difference.

And wanting it. When I got sober, I didn't just do it because I knew I shouldn't drink anymore. I did it because I wanted to be sober and have a better life. The life I was living was miserable and I knew their had to be a better way.

Ultimately though, if inpatient is an option (they can get a referral or can pay privately), that may still be the best option. Recovering from addiction is like recovering from cancer or any other serious illness. No one says, I won't do chemo because I don't want to take time off work, because what's the alternative if you don't? You get sicker and you may die. Getting sober isn't really different and sometimes honestly, the break is really what people need to start fresh in a new way of living. Even though no doubt it's hard to make that leap.

Some great posts.
I hope they recover! Sadly I've learnt it's very hard to help someone do it. Even if they want it. But always worth trying!
I have a close friend who is an alcoholic and they've done detox a few times. I beg him to try this and that but ultimately he's told me that even though he'd love to live a long happy life, he only feels himself with a drink (he has anxiety and autism) and drink allows him to be free. So a sober life means living with his mind and nowhere to hide. He'd rather die young but being himself every day.
Sad but it opened my eyes a bit. I can understand his reasoning.