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Alcohol support

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Need support not to give in to my mum.

13 replies

doglikescheeseontoast · 10/10/2023 19:04

I am a recovering alcoholic, 15 months sober. I got sober by going to rehab and I've stayed sober so far by attending AA, getting a sponsor, working the steps. Life is really, really good just now, but I'm aware it's still early days.

So anyway, the point of this story. I am going away for a week at the end of the month, and I'll be staying in a TINY cottage. The cottage theoretically sleeps 2 but I've stayed in it before and I can't emphasise just how tiny it is - the double bed pretty much takes up the whole of the only bedroom, in the bathroom you squash your knees against the shower cubicle when you sit on the loo. That said, it's in one of my favourite places ever and I love it.

My mother has got wind of my plan and is angling to come with me, to stay in the tiny (did I mention it's tiny?) cottage since it sleeps 2. There are 2 problems with this - 1, we don't get on that well, we want to like each other and can usually manage about 48 hours together before things get tense, and 2, she's an alcoholic. She doesn't believe she's an alcoholic, insists she could give up drinking any time she likes, but she drinks very heavily most nights.

I've told her I will drive her to where I'm staying, and she can make alternative arrangements for accommodation. We can see each other every day and go out and about, I'll do all the driving, then return to our respective accommodation in the evening (where she can drink herself silly if she likes). As the break is getting closer, however, it is clear she hasn't made any alternative arrangements and she is going to lay it on thick at the last minute how much she'd love to go, blah, blah ...

Alcohol has historically played a massive part in any time we've spent together, and she can get tetchy with what may well be withdrawal if she hasn't had a drink for a day or so. So she's going to want to drink - I don't want to drink and I currently have no desire to drink if someone I'm with has a drink, but if things get fraught between us, I don't know how I'd respond.

Actually, no one needs to reply - writing it out like this has confirmed I'm sticking to staying in the tiny cottage by myself.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 10/10/2023 19:05

Stay strong 💪

ProfessorInkling · 10/10/2023 19:08

Absolutely stay strong, doing so will be massive for your own recovery no doubt.

She hasn't booked accommodation, that's not on you. This is your holiday and you are not obliged to anyone.

NorthCliffs · 10/10/2023 19:09

Go alone and enjoy yourself, you deserve it ❤️

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 10/10/2023 19:10

I totally agree with you. You're doing so well! Don't let her stay and sabotage you. Repeat that she must find somewhere else to stay.

tasslesated · 10/10/2023 19:10

Honestly, go alone. Take books, posh tea and chocs. Not a relapse.

Theunamedcat · 10/10/2023 19:11

Go alone your doing the right thing for yourself

Stay strong

Twillow · 10/10/2023 19:14

Could you tell her that your recovery has been hard, you need this break for mental peace, and you are not ready to be in close company with others who enjoy drinking?

AprilMayBeJune · 10/10/2023 19:16

Tell her you’ve changed your mind and you won’t be taking her there at all.
Well done on 15 months AF.

doglikescheeseontoast · 10/10/2023 19:21

Thank you everyone, everything you all say makes perfect sense. I don't want to do something that I already know would test my recovery.

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 10/10/2023 23:09

Guard your recovery. Posh teas and a stack of books sounds perfect.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 10/10/2023 23:44

You're doing so well so many congratulations 👏🏻 you're absolutely right to not do anything that will jeopardise your recovery. Stick to your guns and enjoy your break away ❤️

TooOldForThisNonsense · 15/10/2023 01:34

prioritise your sobriety x

OhcantthInkofaname · 15/10/2023 01:40

We are with you.

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