Binge drinker of many years - sober October

[Onslow1985]

Binge drinker who’s overexcitedness at events, weddings etc. ends up in drunk blackouts and anxiety for days/following week after. I can be fine one moment and a switch goes off and I have memory blanks.
Personal struggles stemming from 5 miscarriages during my marriage have meant my mental health is at an all time low and had some darker thoughts that usual recently.
Also wonder if I have OCD/false memories as convincing myself my ‘memories’ from a drunken night 6 months ago are going to come out and ruin my life.

My friends think I am the life and soul of the party, love being around drunk me who’s happy, dances all night, loves everybody but might need looking after at the end of the night when getting home etc. Very lucky to have a great group of friends/husband but anxious that everyone is getting sick of me after many years of this and I’m no longer in my twenties!!

Anxiety is so bad I’m not eating, feel like crying everyday with chest tightness.

I’m hoping sober October is going to really help. Couple of events coming up this month and I can’t continue with these after effects.

You can do it OP, it will definitely help your anxiety x

You absolutely can do it. You will feel rubbish to start. I will even go as far as to say, you may feel rubbish most of the month. It takes a good while for our bodies and minds to normalise when we stop drinking. But you will definitely feel better after the first week or two. Just don't judge what you will feel like not drinking on these initial days and weeks, because this is the hardest bit. It gets so much easier!

As for right now, I found listening to a podcast when I would have otherwise been drinking helped. There are loads out there. It doesn't have to be a drinking related one, but I found One for the Road and Sober Awkward to be great ones when I did Dry January. You may even look to see if anyone is doing a live every night. So there is a guy called Sober Dave on Instagram who is a sober coach and for Dry January, he does a live every night with a different guest. It was just a nice thing to look forward to to keep me motivated. I would listen to it every night while I was tidying up and making dinner, when I would have normally been drinking, just to give my mind something to do.

You also say that you have a couple events coming up to go to. Are these events where everyone will be drinking and you normally would be drinking to? Honestly, unless it's a one in a lifetime thing, a best friend's 50th birthday or a wedding of someone close to you, consider if you really need to go. It's totally fine to say no to things. It's fine to stay home. It's fine to go to bed early instead of forcing yourself out in an environment where you might be tempted to drink. Life will not end because you don't turn up to something. It's okay to say no. If you decide to continue not drinking, you can ease into these things again and it will be no big deal, but it helps so much to find your feet first before you pile too many expectations on yourself.

Well done though! To give you an idea, I did Dry January the past 2 years. This year, I carried on not drinking til 3rd week of February, then I went back to drinking, but decided to stop for good in April, so I'm now nearly 6 months sober. It's been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Just having a break helped so much with getting some perspective and just starting to feel better about everything.

I quit booze close to 5 months ago and I haven't suffered ANY anxiety since then. Nada. Not a drop.

I too quit because the trade off to my mental health and emotional resilience wasn't worth the night before, which I would inevitably forget and/or have black holes where my memory should have been.

I can't do moderation, I know that. I'm not an alcoholic, but I'd put away a bottle of wine on a Friday night, some G&Ts socially on a Saturday and a few bloody Mary's on a Sunday. But the resulting dreadful feeling meant I wasn't reaching my fitness goals, it was stealing memories of great days with my kids and I figured I'd throw alcohol in the fuck it bucket.

I have never, never regretted it. I still go out dancing, drink NA beer/cocktails, and having a damn riot but then I drive myself home and wake up fresh.

Highly recommend the Reddit stopdrinking group. Lots of people doing the same thing, and lots of support and cheering on if you need it.

Just play the tape forward every time you think about that glass of wine. What will actually happen/how will you feel. You know how the night will actually end. Regret, illness, hangxiety, inertia, depression, black out etc.

It's easier to not have "just the one" then it is to try and stop there.

Good luck!

How are you getting on OP?