how to quit drinking when I love wine?

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I've been drinking too much lately, and I don't like how it's making me feel (or not really remembering things the next morning, and recalling other conversations with a sense of dread!) I want to quit (or at least dramatically cut down) drinking – starting with no alcohol for a month and taking it from there. The trouble is that I really do love the wine world. We have a large wine fridge at home and a fairly substantial wine collection, and it's a world that I feel really engaged with. I want to be able to drink wine I love but not get drunk (if that makes any sense?!) Has anyone else felt the same? How did you cope with it?

I loved the world of wine too but now see it for what it is - poison in a fancy bottle (plus the marketing campaign). I’m only 9 months in but so much happier without my once beloved wine.

@Sillymummies123 thank you so much for taking the time to reply so thoughtfully. A lot of what you say makes a lot of sense… and I can also relate to downing entire bottles of crazy expensive wine (I hate to think how much I’ve spent over the years…) is there any quitlit you would particularly recommend? What did you do with all the wine you had at home? We have an entire wine fridge full of quite expensive wines and my partner isn’t planning on giving up (he also is very happy to have one glass and that’s it).

The OP was more about how I actually love doing say matching wines, or drinking really nice wine, or going to a wine tasting

This is the kind of imaginary barrier you brain will keep putting up to stop you from challenging your dependency (whatever level it's at). "But what will I do at weddings??' Is another one that comes up a lot. Someone helpfully pointed out that an event lasting a few hours once or twice a year is a really feeble excuse to continue drinking at dangerous levels the rest of the time.

Basically, if you struggle to only have one, have none.

100% agree.

To be fair, I spent years suffering under these barriers. It took repeated quit attempts, just drinking and eating myself into obesity and misery to get to a point where I didn't feel like I had "any more drinking to do", just a dependency, and then quitting was a decision I made. It was hard to action it, and I had to read lots - I still revisit my favourite quitlit regularly (Naked Mind and The Unexpected joy) via audio book (I find it better to have someone else telling me I've been duped by alcohol than my own inner monologue). However, something just clicked and I knew that it was time to stop.

Do I still crave it and miss the romance of fancy wine? Absolutely- I am expecting Christmas to be a very difficult time. But the real challenge now isn't staying sober at home, which is where the majority of my drinking occurred. The challenge is now undoing all the associations with every other activity, learning what I do and don't enjoy, why I drank at all (social anxiety 100% - I really struggle to do the activities that I used to do sober, and I'm thinking I probably won't do all of them anymore because when I'm not on drugs (alcohol) I, the real me, doesn't like them.

And as other posters have said - I see alcohol marketing for what it is. The Naked Mind is great for that.

I would say cut down slowly. Maybe keep wine to the weekends and start by buying a half bottle instead of a full bottle. Then work down from there - I like to buy the very small bottles e.g. the mini ones from the supermarket. Enough for a glass in front of the TV or with dinner. Then there's no more in the house for me to access once it's gone. Once you're used to less the idea of too much does wear off quite a bit.

I would say, have a break. Give it more than 30 days if you can. I'm a big fan of 100 days. I think 30 days is a lot of work. You do the hard bit without getting to the really lovely bit. And then see how you feel.

I suspect that when you say 'I really love the wine world' you really mean, I really love getting drunk on nice wine with boozy wine-loving friends/partner/whoever. There's so much more to life than wine.

And once you have a break, you may not be as bothered as you think you'll be.

I loved wine too. I loved it so much that I pretty much existed on it alone! Wine with everything. Wine for all occasions.

But after I stopped, after the first couple months anyway, I could not be the least bit bothered about wine or anything to do with it. It's quite off putting. I don't even like the smell. There is so much amazing stuff out there in the world to explore and enjoy - good food, amazing restaurants, travel, adventure, lovely AF drinks - there are some incredible ones (and I say this as someone who is pretty fussy).

There is no point dragging your feet and not giving stopping drinking a try simply because you're holding on to this vision of what you think future you will miss. Because the reality is that future you may not miss it at all and make actually feel grateful to see the back of it once the haze clears. You may very well surprise yourself.

@mindutopia Thank you for your lovely reply – it does really resonate (especially the getting drunk on nice wine with boozy friends!). I've set myself an initial goal of 2 weeks as that seems achievable, and if I can get through that then I would like to extend it to 30 days (and if I can get through that then why not try 100 days!) I have just got through my first weekend without drinking for about 10 years (which I'm really proud of, especially as I met up with friends twice during the weekend and they were all drinking!) and am on day 5 of being sober. I actually feel pretty wiped out and exhausted, but have been told that's my body detoxing.

Can I ask your recommendations for favourite AF drinks? I tried some AF beer and AF g&t on the weekend when I was at the pub – one of the AF beers was fine, but the other just tasted quite sugary, and I didn't like the AF G&Ts at all. If I'm going to be paying pub prices for drinks I at least want to enjoy them!

I’ve not been able to find an AF wine that tastes any good. They are all really sweet. I love an oaky Chardonnay, so finding a replacement taste wise has been hard.

Some have mentioned chocolate, but I would just eat the whole bar/bag. I’ve cut down my wine drinking to only weekends, and then only if I’m with DP/others. I’m not drinking when I’m on my own.

I don’t want to give up all together, I like the feeling of it, I like feeling tipsy. Life is also really stressful, and at the moment none of the stress can be removed or reduced. Wine every so often helps me relax.

@SocialistSally Agree that the AF options I've tried so far seem really sugary (and I'm not really a fan of sweet things!) There was one AF beer that was quite hoppy and nice, but the AF gin was terrible! I haven't tried any AF wine yet... I love really natural, low intervention wines and haven't seen any AF options that would fit into this category!

My current thinking is that I would like to be able to go back to having a glass or two with dinner occasionally, but first I need to prove to myself that I can actually just be sober and I would ideally like to do that for some time. We are also looking at ttc – which is excellent motivation!

One easy peasy way to start is to stop saying you love wine. You don't have to pretend you don't, you don't have to start saying you hate wine, but don't make it easy for your brain to encourage you to drink. (Because the only thing that decides whether you'll drink or not is you. It's 100% an internal decision.)

This doesn’t make sense because I do like wine.

Honestly? I would drink all the wine and not buy any more. I was similar to you and the only way I can actually cut down is not to have any in the house.

@SocialistSally the words we use are really important to change behaviour. Saying 'I like wine' is something that fuels the habit of drinking. Even if you do actually like wine, saying you do is optional.

And I should have mentioned that saying “I like it” is actually missing the point. Because liking something is a choice and you drinking is the EFFECT of that choice, the EFFECT of that thought. It's not a CAUSE that we don’t have control over. It’s a choice. Liking wine is not just something that’s happening to you. I used to really really like wine. Now I don't. I really don't like it. This is sooooo significant because when you don't like something it's EASY to not consume it.

I'm doing this atm aswell OP, I just decided last Thursday that I'd had enough of having a drink and having no self control, haven't drank since then. I've decided that I won't drink when I'm at home for the foreseeable future. I used to have a rule that i wouldnt drink at home, as my dad was an alcoholic, but when I had a huge bereavement in my life that changed and I regret it so I'm going back to that.

I'd get some none alcoholic wine for home aswell so that you can still enjoy the taste and just take 1 day at a time.

I wanted to say well done for recognising you were over doing it and say good luck with it and the ttc