Perhaps try reading some of the recommended quitlit? Alcohol works by creating associative and chemical dependence, and honestly I think the former is the hardest to break. I don't think I would have quit without having a light shone on the mind tricks alcohol and alcohol marketing plays, and looking at some existing beliefs around alcohol and then examining the reality helped.
Unfortunately, until the world of alcohol free wine takes off to the same level of wank as standard wine, you'll need to literally just work out a way to let go of that world.
FWIW, I consider myself successfully alcohol free these days, used to spend hundreds on wine to drink at home - expensive bottles (i think i once bought a white for 100 around christmas and guzzled it down as bottle 3 of the night), but had a nice glass of dealcoholised red the other day. It takes pretty much like wine. I didn't, however, see the value of having more than one. Funny isn't it? I've had to let go. I've had to really examine alcohol in all its guises and ask myself why I want wine - and its about 90% marketing of wine. Like - I think my brain actually thinks wine is healthy (which is definitely isn't- see the awful myth that a glass of red a day keeps the doctor away).
It's a very addictive drug - the brain creates a million ways to justify the addiction (I like the world, the whole wine culture), which is helped in this case by a wonderfully successful marketing campaign on the wine indudstries part over who knows how many centuries.
But short answer - you can't love wine, want to remain a part of that world, have a wine cellar, drink wine, and be sober.
My personal belief is that once at the level of drinking and social dependence on something like wine reaches what you describe, any moderation is doomed to be temporary - whether days, weeks, months or years - so I won't advise on that front. Others might (though I'd be wary whether they're on year 3/4 of moderating, and about to lose a parent / get fired / get ill and up their drinking)