Am I an alcoholic?

[Clean3r]

I probably am. I read the alcohol support threads over and over looking for something that is a lightbulb moment and then I’ll take action. But I know the bottom line is if alcohol is consuming my thoughts this much then I MUST be or atleast I MUST have a problem with alcohol

i suppose I am looking for help/advice/guidance?

how did you know you needed to stop drinking?

I come from a family of binge drinkers, to say no to a drink or suggest dry January/sober October is met with a massive WHY!!???

ive been drinking since I was 14! 20 years- I can usually go 5 days booze free but far too much at the weekends,
I act/say stupid things I’ve put myself in dangerous situations more than once but not on a regular basis, I wake up with anxiety and terrible beer fear, I am often sick

I’ve drank every night since Thursday, before that I only had the Wednesday ‘off’

all day today I’ve been thinking about alcohol- do I drink too much should I stop should I have a drink one won’t hurt (I haven’t and I won’t)

I need some guidance can anyone tell me where to start and also please what was your moment where you thought this needs to change?

Clean I am sorry you are going through this. There will be an AA meeting near you - look up where to find online - and you will find help and support from people who have experienced the same as you.

If someone said to you tonight you could never drink again, what would your thoughts be?

100% honestly I’d think thank god because I am sick of it and I actually don’t want to drink anymore, then that confuses me because if I had a problem would I be devastated at the thought? I genuinely don’t know!

I second go to the AA meetings.

What made me stop... when I was pretty much where you are, although I don't know how long you have been feeling this way.

If you are asking the question at all, it could be a good time for you to make the change.

I am 3.5 years dry and will never ever look back. It added nothing positive to my life, but I can only say that with hindsight.

It added lots of negative to my life, but I thought at the time that the pros outweighed the cons. It's mad to think that, now I look back! Hungover every single day, being sick in the shower on a school morning, black outs, making a tit out of myself on every social occasion I went to... no thanks. No slight buzz or anything on the other end of the scale of the buzz is worth any of that

I made the decision to stop one day (listened to an audiobook of Claire Gray's "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober"), thought I'd try for a month, then a month turned into 2 or 3...

I've done weddings, holidays abroad, hen does, hard times, good times, karaoke, dancing, festivals... all of it sober. And it is honestly SO MUCH BETTER!

I agree I think I need to go to AA, my family are no support I asked DH to help me to do a quiz from NHS website about your drinking risk and he was downplaying the units or how often etc because he's as bad if not worse and doesn't see my drinking as a problem but it's a problem for me, I only wanted his help because I wanted to be accountable and not say ach it's not that bad to myself but that's exactly what he was saying to me!!

I will look into AA...

@ValBiro thank you for sharing your perspective on the other side.

I will look at that podcast.

This isn't who I want to be

I knew I was going to have to stop for a long time but it took me a while to actually do it. I had some health issues, family stuff and I knew it was all only going to get worse for me unless I stopped

Personally, I don’t find the label “alcoholic” helpful. You’ve reached a point where alcohol is taking way more from your life than it’s adding to it. Regardless of what the NHS quiz tells you, it’s making you sad.

I was going to recommend you read The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray, and I see @ValBiro has beaten me to it!

I had a bad relationship with alcohol for years, then had an appalling 3 years of personal issues (plus lockdowns) and alcohol became my coping mechanism. It’s a really rubbish coping mechanism! And then I had resolved all my personal issues, but was left with an alcohol problem.

I read a LOT of quit lit, got the Try Dry App, and after a few false starts am now nearly 18 months sober. And my life is immeasurably better as a result

your situation is interesting, you’ve grown up with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I’m not sure if you started drinking with your family at 14, but it’s likely their relationship with alcohol influences yours. Your view of normal is skewed. It’s not normal to drink to excess most days of the week.

I think any amount of alcohol is too much when it no longer offers you any benefit. It’s making you feel sick and anxious. You been in dangerous situations. It’s likely having some impact on how you look and feel in other ways.

if you’re out socially and don’t want to drink, don’t. Don’t comment on it either, just order a non alcoholic drink and don’t draw attention to it. You can’t tell from appearance alone whether a glass contains a fancy cocktail or an orange juice for example. Alternatively order something you won’t drink or something that would be watered down due to ice melting and leave the drink to melt.

Just be prepared for your relationships to change when you stop.

Thanks everyone for the responses.

I have no doubt that my relationships will change especially with my family, does some of the quit-lit touch upon how to handle/accept that at all?

I think the label 'alcoholic' can be really unhelpful. It gives the impression that there is like a switch that flicks on: that you're either a normal moderate drinker or you are an alcoholic. But in fact alcohol use disorders are progressive. It's more of a spectrum than a yes/no. If you're worrying about your drinking or it's causing you problems in your life (those problems don't have to be homelessness, losing your job, etc. having anxiety IS a problem), then you'd probably be better off sober.

By all means, do try AA as it may help, but I think it can not always been a good fit for people who are more in the middle of the spectrum, rather than towards the other side. It absolutely may be a perfect fit, so definitely worth giving it a go. But don't be discouraged if you find it's not the right fit. I do describe myself as an alcoholic and it's not the right fit for me. I am part of a support group called Bee Sober. You might consider looking into them and seeing if they are a good fit for you. But they tend to have more members who I think would describe themselves as similar to you - heavy weekend drinkers who are sick of it after 20 years. It's also mostly (but not exclusively) women, so that may be something you're also looking for.

As for people's reactions to you not drinking, two things: if you need to not drink, then you may need to distance yourself from those people for a period of time until you land on your feet, or you may need to suggest things to do together that make it impossible for it to become a drinking thing (morning walk, meeting up for tea and cake, etc.). Sometimes you just have to say no to things.

Secondly, you may also be really surprised about people's reactions. My family (as in dh's family, I'm NC with mine) are all quite heavy drinkers. Alcohol is a big part of every gathering - no surprise dh married me, even though he is more sensible than I was. They aren't mean or nasty about it, but like I was, they can't really imagine why anyone wouldn't drink at lunch or after an afternoon walk or when out to dinner or at Christmas, Easter, kid's parties, etc. When I told them I wasn't drinking - actually, my 10 year old daughter blurted it out across the table at lunch one day when they were visting! - they were all really congratulatory and pleased for me and everyone said how great I looked. Heavy drinkers, all of them, have a little bit inside of them that is self-conscious about their drinking. For some, that gets expressed in being a bit rude about other people's choices not to drink (because it shines an uncomfortable light on things). But for a lot of them, I've found it triggers a sense of awe or interest - 'I couldn't imagine not drinking at Christmas, but that is so amazing that you don't. How do you do it? What's it like? I'm so impressed with you!' I have been pleasantly surprised with how lovely everyone has been about it. I've never had anyone try to get me to have a drink (but if they did, I'd ignore them or I'd take myself home or I'd just distance myself from them for a bit).

@mindutopia thank you I will look at Bee Sober too,

Regarding the opinions of others- I do understand what your saying there completely

I don't think that you need to not want to stop to have a problem that you can call alcoholism

In many ways, the label only makes sense if you have a desire to stop drinking but are unable to fulfil that desire without outside help.

So it makes total sense you'd let someone do a magic spell on you that stopped you drinking forever.

In fact, having this desire to stop but being confused about how to stop is the perfect attitude to have if you want to make change.

For AA the only qualification to participate is a desire to stop drinking. Doing the steps in AA is one way to access the power to fulfill the desire to stop.

Apart from AA, I also found naltrexone useful for the first few weeks as well as CBT therapy generally. Although if I was going to rank it, I really needed peer support from other alcoholics & the message they carried more than therapy and medication.