Help! How do I leave?

[Whatintheworldgirl]

I love my fiancé so much but his addiction is killing me now. It's genuinely making me sick. I can't stand the nights of not knowing where he is, worried somethings going to happen, worried he's not safe. I can't get through to him anymore, he's like a different person. I want to help him but I'm breaking myself in the process. How do I leave?

Sending so much love and support. You can't save him, he has to do it himself. There is a thing called detach with love,.you can love the person but still know you need to step away to save yourself.

Look at Al-anon. They really will help. Also look at some quit lit like the lifechanging magic of being sober or something like that. That will help you understand the addict mentality.

In terms of practically how do you leave, there is lots of stuff on this site. Get documents, check entitled to if relevant, reach out to people in real life. You will need support as the addict will do everything to keep the status quo and protect their drinking. There.will likely be blackmail, threats to harm themselves, they will promise you the world. They likely hate themselves for the drinking, you will see that and you love them, you don't want them to break but keep to the front of your mind you cannot fix them.

If there is any hope of the relationship repeat to them 'deeds not words, prove it.' Get them to rehab, the doctors AA. Dont listen to anything they say as addiction lies.

The best thing to for both of you is to step away from the relationship.

I'm not sure where you are from. I'm from England. Is this all available here? I love him I really do but I genuinely feel like I am breaking and my mental health is already healing from a past abusive relationship. He used to be so lovely, now I don't even recognise him 😭 it's like the man I loved has gone forever

Yeh all available in england, thats where I am. Just google al-anon. They are an offshoot of AA designed to help loved ones of addicts. There are local groups and online ones if you find that easier.

My loved one was a horrific alcoholic for the longest time but is over 10 years sober now and the person they were meant to be. They only started getting sober when they were kicked out and realised they had lost their family. However most alcholics dont get better even at that point. Its a horrible awful disease that needs professional intervention. But that doesn't mean you have to go down with them.

Youve posted here, I bet after a long time of hiding it, putting up with it, making excuses, hoping and praying but there is nothing you can do and you have to look after yourself.

Its awful because brilliant, funny, clever, kind people are destroyed by alcohol. You mourne them even though they are alive. Allow yourself to grieve then save yourself.