Help me navigate this friendship please

[Stormzyweather]

I am sober for many years. At this moment in time I am fragile, my mental health is taking a pounding but I have help and I am working through my demons finally.
Alcohol has been on my mind, it was my crutch for as long as I can remember (functioning alcoholic).
I am resisting and keeping safe.
The reason for my post is a friendship I have. This is a post alcohol friend, I have never had a drink with this person or been in their company whilst they are drinking.
They are alcohol dependent with associated illnesses but they are trying to remain sober.
Our friendship became very important to us both during lockdown, we were both isolating and isolated and started chatting regularly.
The problem for me at the moment is my friend is struggling to stay sober, I'd say 50/50 at the moment.
I very early on had said I find it difficult to chat whilst they are drunk/in drink. My friend respects this which is wonderful.
But leaves us (me) without my friend and their friendship for large chunks of time (and vice versa)
It is this I struggle with.
I did initially emotionally support my friend when they were trying to get sober but it was emotionally draining and I was leaving myself no energy for my own mental health issues and family stuff.
Part of me wants to walk away, but this feels cruel.
Can someone help please?

The problem for me at the moment is my friend is struggling to stay sober, I'd say 50/50 at the moment.

it’s not 50/50

Your friend is an alcoholic. simple at that. Protect yourself and explain you can’t have anything more to do with him until sober

Part of me wants to walk away, but this feels cruel.

if you don’t, all that will happen is that you’ll be drinking partners

You have children?

@Layinwait I am confident I won't be their drinking buddy. This is the reason I avoid them when they are drinking.
My children are grown up.

When you say 50/50 I’ll assume half of the week they’re sober - so why is that not enough contact? How much contact do you need with a friend?

The real issue is the drinking they need to get to AA fast otherwise it won’t be long before they’re in a full on 100 drinkinh

@Quitelikeit it's not as cut and dry as half the week, they can be sober for several weeks but the next drink for them is the next next argument/slight/worry away. Then that binge can be a week or two. But the time in between is getting closer. I'm really sad, they are genuinely a fabulous person (sadly not so much in drink) and we share a lot in common. I think we were each others sanity (mad as it seems) dura very isolating time.
That was when I really got to know them and realised how bad the addiction was for them.

@Quitelikeit AA isn't for them unfortunately (I didn't relate to it either) but they are engaging with alcohol support.

Op this isn’t healthy. You know it.

What alcohol support?

A counsellor.
I am grateful to you replying.
I was hoping I could carry on ignoring them when they were drinking and pick up when they're sober but it is incredibly difficult.
I feel very isolated still.
But I don't intend to drink.

Sadly this is not a good person to have in your life. I know it may sound selfish but you need to prioritise your own mental health here and take a bit of a step back.

You have to put yourself first. You need to end the friendship. You know this. They will erode boundaries and put you at risk of drinking.

Thank you everyone.
I will gently and as kindly as I can extricate myself from this friendship.
It will be sad though 😢

You are not this person’s emotional support human.

Prioritise yourself and if that means walking away, so be it. They will need to find other strategies.

@TooOldForThisNonsense thank you for your thoughts.
You are right, my own mental health and wellbeing does Trump supporting them.

trump obviously, my life is definitely not as fucked as Trumps 🤣

You’re not a counsellor, you’re just a friend. That means that while you can be supportive you can’t be their emotional crutch. I expect they’ve got this far because of you, at least in part, but you are the most important person in your own life and you must not let their difficulties assume a major part of your brain space. And it’s ok to say this to them. Assert your boundaries and tell them that for the sake of your own mental health you cannot continue to support them in this way. Stop relying them as a prominent friend - seek out new activities and friendships so you are less reliant on this one.

Thank you for your advice.
Quick update
We met up for a coffee and I gently explained how I was feeling. They took great offence and shouted at me , accused me of being a 'shit friend ' and marched off.
Very embarrassing in the setting but I don't have to return there and don't have to contact said friend anymore.
Not the way I'd wanted but I can only control my behaviour.
And yes, I'm sad 😔

That’s very sad but you know where you stand now. Hope you’re ok