Tapering

[BoomBoomShakeyRoom]

I’m ashamed to say that after receiving some bad news last Saturday morning I went on a total wine binge 24/7 sleeping in between of course and didn’t stop until early hours of Wednesday morning when I started to throw up. I don’t know how many bottles were involved but I’m guessing around 20. DP didn’t put them in the recycling for shame bless him and took them directly to the tip.

We don’t have any children. Wednesday after I woke up I was a complete mess, awful DTs, vomiting into a bucket etc.

Now as I work for the NHS I knew I either needed a medical detox or some help to taper. But because I work in my local hospital I didn’t want to go in for a medical detox. I forced a few sips of wine down on Wednesday and asked for tapering help from my local drug and alcohol place on Thursday.They advised 2 bottles Thursday , Friday and today and then 1 bottle the next 3 days. I have followed that so far but finding it hard (not in I want more wine, just I’m not enjoying it especially with the memories of what I went through on Wednesday)

my appetite is zero, yesterday I managed a few chips, a choc ice and im drinking non Diet Coke as well to keep my sugars up, yes I know wine is full of sugar too.

anyway im wondering if I should just stop as of today, the thought of drinking again tonight fills me with dread but it’s my own fault :(

thanks for reading so far - putting it down here is so shameful.

i went to AA some years ago after a similar episode and hated it. I’ve tried some online meetings since this episode and just found it full of evangelical Americans. Anyone know any good Uk meetings?

Actually I kind of have realised I’ve asked for medical advice here which I shouldn’t have done so I’m sorry for that! I’ll just do as advised and hopefully have my first dry day on Wednesday

Can't offer advice but can offer an awful lot of sympathy, OP.

Hugs @BoomBoomShakeyRoom . Were you in full DTs? How much were you drinking before the binge?

I am/was (currently abstinent) a binge drinker and got pretty bad withdrawals (sweating vomiting, rapid pulse, night tremors) but never DTs. I usually taper off using very small amounts of alcohol eg one glass of wine /can of lager over 6 hours taking only a mouthful at a time.

I tried AA (online) and I didn’t agree with /fully comit to everything but it helped being in a meeting with people who really understood. I’m now doing trauma informed yoga and finding it very helpful.

good luck - you will get through this - just do what you need to do for the next few days then make a plan moving forward to reduce the chance of it happening again.

when going through withdrawals, it helps me to think “every hour of this hell is an hour closer to feeling better again”.

💐

Thanks both.

i didn’t have a seizure but almost every other symptom.

i was drinking around 10 bottles of wine a week before this. Sometimes more. I’ve been meaning to address my drinking for some time, but there’s always “something” to put it off for. This is a real wake up call. I’m in my late 40s. I can’t do it anymore.

I’ve owned “This naked mind” for at least 2 years. Perhaps it’s time I opened it up and read it,

Just to say this naked mind is really worth a read. I wasn't an alcoholic but a binge drinker who didn't binge drink all the time but too many times got to a bad point and I just didn't want to do it anymore.

Have you tried SMART recovery online?

Are you already taking thiamine (B1)?

I’ll look up smart, I remember looking it before but I wanted a meeting “right now” and there wasn’t one for 3 days.

i am on thiamine thank you.

You can find AA Atheist and Agnostic meetings online Tues through Friday if you want to avoid all mention of god. There are Americans, Brits and Irish people in these meetings but you won’t meet any evangelicals.

As they say in AA “listen for the similarities not the differences”

@BoomBoomShakeyRoom - how are you doing? Hope you are over the worst of it.

@2023forme thank you for asking.🥰 I am over the worst of it now but still really struggling with my appetite. I am eating where I can.

You could also try Moderation Management. They have online meetings daily and are non religious and focused on harm reduction and moderation, though there is a sub group focused on abstinence if that is what you are aiming for.

@BoomBoomShakeyRoom - glad to hear you feel like the worst is over. After a bender, I can’t eat for days but I need to lose about 2 stone so I kid myself on its “a positive” about drinking too much. But once my appetite comes back, it comes back with a vengeance!!! Just focus on getting over the withdrawals and treat yourself to some nice, tasty good quality food when you are able 💐

At least I’m hating wine right now. @2023forme how long have you been sober? I’m looking forward to my first day without alcohol but also dreading it too.

@orion678 thank you I’ll look them up too.

@BoomBoomShakeyRoom unfortunately I'm not there yet - still having periods of weeks/months AF then going on massive benders. I've come so close to losing everything - in fact, I'm at the point of wondering if my marriage is effectively over as I'm not sure DH can ever really deep down forgive me for the awful things I've done - no infidelity, crime or drunk driving etc, but just about everything else awful you could think of. He is supportive in his own way but also tends to shame me by reminding me of shit things I have done, especially those that have impacted on others/our friends and family. I get that its his way of venting/getting it off his chest but I hate it as it makes me feel so guilty and ashamed, although with good reason. He's been away with work this weekend and I've loved being alone without the worry that every conversation will lead back to him bringing up my last bender and how terrible it was. Plus, he still wants to do things that revolve around a lot of drinking and expect me to stay sober and enjoy them! For example, he wants a group of friends to rent a lodge for the weekend in October as 'something to look forward to' but they are all very big drinkers and I know it will end up a massive piss up. I can't bear to go and not drink but then I feel guilty for spoiling things for him. In fact, the loss of self-respect is one of my biggest drivers at the moment - I simply cannot face being the weak link any more and having everyone pity me - its making me more determined than every to get my self-respect back, to say no to things I don't want to do and to put myself first, even if it does mean my DH is unhappy about it.

My aim is to stay AF for the rest of the year (still can't think 'forever' despite the harm its doing me) and then start 2024 on a new footing (will need to change my username as 2023 was supposed to by 'my year'). I am feeling a bit of a mind shift this time round - I have been home alone all weekend as everyone is away and I did think of getting wine on Friday but just dug deep and I've managed to stay AF all weekend! I'm driving tonight quite late to pick DH up from airport and then working/have other plans with people for the rest of the week so that will be another week under my belt.

Thanks so much for your honest reply @2023forme may we all stay on path.

sorry I’m replying late I’ve been offline reading sobriety books today. Feeling pretty good today. I have to keep the memory of last Wednesday where I was awfully Poorly prominent in my mind.

Hi I’m on day 13. It’s not easy and I haven’t been posting as I’m trying to not think about it too much!

Well done @BoomBoomShakeyRoom what an achievement!

also @2023forme hope you are also doing ok 😊

@BoomBoomShakeyRoom - well done! I know what you mean about not posting and trying not to focus too much on it. KOKO 💪❤

@BusinessClass - I'm doing okay, thanks. Still a bit up and down mood wise but not drinking. Just about to put something up in AIBU so will probably need my safety helmet for that but I need a range of inputs on my issue!