Help with DM

[catzzzy]

Hi, not really sure why I'm posting as I know there's nothing I can do but just looking for someone to talk to.
My DM was always a big drinker for as long as I could remember growing up. She was verbally abusive, controlling a lot of the time.
As an adult I didn't see her very much but when my dad divorced her I felt sorry for her so started to visit more often.
Just assumed she was a 'heavy' drinker until she had a seizure which we were told was from alcohol withdrawal. Since that happened 8 years ago she has had one nearly every year, it's happened on a holiday, special occasions. Every time she denies it's to do with alcohol. Or sometimes even denies she's had a seizure! Says she must have fainted and all the witnesses and doctors are wrong.
Last year she was driving when it happened, luckily no one was hurt. This seemed to be her rock bottom as she stopped drinking for the last 9 months. Not that she has admitted this, just says she doesn't feel like drinking.
Any way, she has started drinking again. It is the week before my brothers wedding which we are going abroad for. She was only invited on the provision she doesn't drink. I just can't believe how selfish she is. A week ago I was looking forward to it and now I am filled with a sense of dread that she will ruin yet another special occasion. I don't know whether to tell my brother but also don't want to worry him. I have told her she is not welcome and is not to come.
Anyway if you've got this far, thanks for reading. Just looking for someone to talk to.

All addicts deny that the cause of their addiction is also the cause of their symptoms. This is exactly the same as someone firmly ensconced in an abusive relationship refuses to see it for what it is. Unfortunately alcohol is easy to purchase, legal and socially “normal”. You can’t change her, but you can change how you react. Generally you have to let them get to rock bottom before they accept the consequence. In a lot of cases, the rock bottom stage is hospital or death. (Sorry…) I think you need to let her know that you have to look after your own mental health and leave her to her own devices for a while. Make it clear that the rescue missions are stopping and she will need to find someone else to pick her up after the next seizure.

Thank you for your reply.
I know this is what must happen. I go through phases of less contact when she is drinking. For example only visiting at her house.
I guess I had just got my hopes up this time. It's probably the longest she has gone without drinking. I thought the wedding would be something she had to work towards. And I hadn't realised what a weight off my shoulders the last few months have been until now it is back. When I wake in the morning I have sinking feeling in my stomach knowing I should phone her and do a 'welfare check' but I don't want to.
I just don't know how to fully cut contact though as there is no one else who will check on her. I do know that this is the last chance though and she won't be invited to anything else.
It's just the final straw having my brothers wedding and holiday that we have looked forward to for over a year and saved up for and now I know I will feel anxious the whole time. I can't talk to my DH either, he was supportive in the beginning and really tried to help her but now he is fed up as it has happened so many times.

Have you told your DB that she’s drinking again? I wouldn’t want her on a plane after those seizures.

Surely with her medical history she will have to declare seizures to the travel insurance cover? I hope the wedding/holiday goes well with no issues from your mum