How did you manage to become alcohol free

[febbabies2023]

Exactly that

I by no means have a problem with alcohol, I'll share a bottle of wine with DP on a Friday / Saturday night and that's about it

But when I go out (not often, I have 2 young children) I have zero self control

I end up drinking so much, end up being sick and not really remembering most of the evening and then I get the worst hangover and anxiety the next day.

It also makes me a horrendous parent because I do not parent well with a hangover

So basically I want to quit alcohol full stop.

How did you do it? What made you do it? Any advice?

DH and I have started drinking Lucky Saint when we go out sometimes. Still feels like I'm having a nice beer.

Could you just change the type of drinking you do? We are parents and the only socialising we do involves dinner in a restaurant with other parents, so shared bottles of wine. No real opportunity to get slaughtered.

So rather than going out out to night clubs and bars, make it more social with dinners together where its more acceptable to be drinking water with the meal?

I decided to do a year for charity..told others about this, as a big problem I had was saying no to nights out etc..enjoyed it so much that I stuck at it(I say this as a problem drinker)

Read a lot of quit lit..the unexpected joy of being sober I found useful

drank 0% alcohol beers for a while, I don't even like the taste now

Good luck! I feel so much better, I hope you do too!

I switched to having one alcoholic drink and then non-alcoholic drinks. The first one is the one that tastes the best. Spend lots on a really great first drink.

Lots of nice non-alcoholic gins and I really like the non-alcoholic Corona.

Not found a decent non-alcoholic wine though.

I started having cardiac arrhythmias and ended up in resus in A&E with a heart rate of 170 and in atrial fibrillation. I didn't really drink any more than you but it was one of their repeated questions.
I ended up on various meds and subsequently having a cardiac procedure and they advised to avoid alcohol going forward.
It scared me so much I haven't had a drink in over 12 months now.

How worrying @cptartapp.

My mum died quite young with a cardiomyopathy which we think was brought on by excess drinking 😬 (also excessive dieting - the two together are an absolute killer I am told).

They talk a lot about liver damage but I think less is maybe known by your average person about the damage to your heart.

@Moredarkchocolateplease I think I'll have to be an all or nothing kind of girl for this! I do struggle to just have one; especially when I'm out and I know I haven't got the kids! Even worse if I'm out with friends and DP isn't with me because I know he's completely sober so primary carer at that point! I think I need to stop completely and then give myself a target date as such and see how I feel from then

@lilila oh wow that's amazing! I'm glad you're feeling so much better. I do hate the way alcohol makes me feel in the mornings and it's a big part of why I want to give up

@cptartapp oh gosh that sounds awful! I hope you're okay now?

I did dry January this year and kept going. I don’t miss it. The kids gave me a mini bottle of Prosecco with my Mother’s Day breakfast and I felt hungover all day so I’ve definitely lost my capacity for alcohol.

I kept getting migraines so my who weekend was ruined. Ive not really drank for a few years now. I have the odd bottle of Budweiser, but thats it. If I go out I'll drive, then I know I cant drink, plus I can escape when people start getting on my nerves!

@Badbudgeter love the username by the way, reflects me right now too! This is lovely to hear

How does everyone deal with the social pressures? A lot of our friends and family are bigger drinkers so would not understand why I've chosen sobriety

Not sure what age you are but I’m early 40s and it’s quite a common for women to struggle with processing alcohol due to peri- menopause so saying you just can’t manage a hangover tends to be greeted with sympathy and solidarity. Also and this seems to be another side effect of getting older is that I really don’t care about other peoples opinions or societal pressure.

Don't indulge in denial. I was a bit, so I watch out for it.

I by no means have a problem with alcohol

and

I end up drinking so much, end up being sick and not really remembering most of the evening and then I get the worst hangover and anxiety the next day.

These two statements are totally contradictory. I get what you are saying, but you do have a problem with alcohol. Not a daily problem, but it is a problem.

@GardeningIdiot I get your point, I should probably have said I am not dependant / an alcoholic

The wine at home isn't even every week, every few weeks or so

I agree my problem is my lack of self control!

@Badbudgeter I am 28 so not quite there yet

Did dry January continued to Easter then my therapist said why do u have a drink on Thursday.
No idea so I cut it out.that was 2020 and I've barely had one since.

If your issue is when you go out, could you just not go out or could you plan to not drink on these nights out?

Now I'm an alcoholic, so I don't drink at all. But it sounds like you are drinking relatively little as it is. So day to day, it won't be hard to cut it out, but the nights out are still going to involve simply not drinking or not going.

When you have a child-free night, can you suggest an activity to do that doesn't involve drinking? How would your friends respond? Or what would it be like if you went but didn't drink? If you wouldn't enjoy it, I think you need to find new friends or a new way to spend time with them.

I'd recommend planning a night out when you aren't going to drink, keep a non-alcoholic drink in your hand, and see how it goes. In my experience, it wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be - except I found everyone bored me sooner than they normally would and I was ready for bed earlier than if I'd have been drinking, which is totally fine - go home and go to bed and enjoy a hangover free lie in in the morning while your partner sorts the kids.

As for people not understanding, all my family and friends are also big drinkers - but you can be a big drinker without also being an ass about someone else choosing not to drink. Before I got sober, I never could have imagined how anyone would choose not to drink, but I would have been in awe of anyone who could - definitely wouldn't have harassed them to drink (because I'm not an ass).

I've largely found that hardly anyone has even noticed. If other people are drinking, I have a drink in my hand. No one ever suspects it's not alcoholic. No one questioned or cared really. In fact, the few times when one of my dc needed a drink and I offered mine, they were surprised it wasn't alcoholic. When I told people I wasn't drinking, I said it was due to a health condition - which is true, I do have health reasons why ideally I shouldn't drink, but I'm also an alcoholic. I just don't go into details with most people and no one has really probed. If I suspect that anyone is going to be particularly annoying and drunk, I just don't spend time around them. I say no to invitations. I stay home and go to bed with a book and a cup of tea. It's great. I really enjoy the peace.

I read 'This Naked Mind' it really did change my thinking.

There are tons of beautiful and delicious non-alcoholic cocktails now, maybe more so in upscale bars and restaurants than local pubs, but those are also catching up (at least some Seedlip-based drink are becoming more common). It is a growing market, a far cry from your sad sugar-loaded Virgin mojito in the past. No one will even notice your drink is actually non -alcoholic!

I decided I didn’t want to give money to an industry that was behind abuse of women and put very little money into helping the victims of abuse. Note this did make it quite difficult with non-alcoholic drinks and also venues and I clearly hadn’t thought it through properly when I came up with this feeling.

That and a heart rate of 240 one night in A and E and being told that actually my heart out of whack was not anxiety but alcohol.

Our nights out have massively improved (in London and so with more options)!

I read all the quit lit.

This Naked Mind
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
The Sober Diaries

The One for the Road podcast is also interesting.

Listen to anything with Andy Ramage, the guy who launched One Year No Beer. He now also does podcasts on other topics but he is hugely motivating.

Good luck. There is a much better life out there waiting for you.

Please can you share a link to your podcast 😁

For a very palatable and very nice sub for Prosecco, try Lyre's Classico. There is also a Lyre's Italian Spritz that tastes just the same if not better than Aperol.

I also have Atrial Fibrillation, but since I rarely drank before being diagnosed, they couldn't pin that one on me! But I was warned not to again as alcohol is a major trigger for cardiac arrythmias.

Stopped this year, I'm 53. Makes me feel ill now am jn the menopause.
Easy to stop, rarely go out as a single parent, my exh was an alcoholic, so alcohol free beer is your friend.