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Alcohol support

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What should I do? Advice appreciated.

7 replies

Delilah73 · 16/07/2023 08:45

Long time lurker here, but having read many threads about living with an alcoholic I’ve decided to create my own. Dh and I been together over two decades. Always enjoyed a drink together, but he has never stopped enjoying a drink and drinks daily heavily at home. (Always 2 big beers and about a bottle of wine). I still enjoy a glass of wine but don’t enjoy ‘getting drunk’ or feeling awful next day so no longer drink to excess. I also hate the expense!

However, I am realising more and more that although dh holds down a job, I only see him drinking! His drinking negatively affects the whole family as he can get moody and angry easily when drinking, so we are walking on egg shells around him. He gets angry if I don’t want a glass of wine and tells me I’m ‘trying to be superior’!!!
I should have got out years ago (I know this!) but being tied up financially this has not been possible. I also know that dp is depressed (probably caused by excessive drinking) and have felt bad for him. He drinks when he gets home from work and ends up in bed by 9 most nights, so we rarely spend any time together. He sleeps for much of the weekend. He knows I hate the drinking and he knows the kids hate it too. I feel so incredibly guilty that my beautiful kids have had to put up with this pattern of behaviour.
However, i now have the first opportunity to move out with kids, but I’m still not sure! Will this be more disruptive for teenage Dcs than staying? I know that dh will not make this easy and will turn it all back on me. I know that i will be happier on my own but what about dcs? Any advice much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
2boysandagirltoo · 16/07/2023 09:19

If your dc's are now teenagers, why not ask them what their opinion is?

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 17/07/2023 14:52

@2boysandagirltoo , I really dont think Delilah sound be making her children responsible for decisions about their parents marriage , I can't imagine the stress and guilt this could inflict on them . Unfortunately it sounds like the OPs husband has chosen alchohol over his family and therefore the marriage is already over . I am sure the children are fully aware of what is happening and are suffering from walking on egg shells .

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 17/07/2023 14:53
  • should be making . ( I need to spell check ! )
PersonIrresponsible · 17/07/2023 15:09

Pop along to your local Al Anon. That's what it's there for - support for those who have (or have had) friends and family with alcohol problems. Meetings are in person or zoom.

Mama678 · 23/07/2023 10:24

I think splitting at any age for the kids is going to be diff But dont stay! They will be pleased youve got them out

Captainspaulding · 13/11/2023 07:53

What happened op? Did you leave or stay

Rocketjan · 13/11/2023 15:50

I’m really sorry to hear that you are struggling with your husband’s alcoholism. It’s an awful disease. Has he reached out for help. I know AA got me sober 32 years ago after years of trying to get sober. If you could get him the help he needs. But you and your children are suffering too snd alanon is there for families you could all try that. I know my parents found they were able to cope with the help and advice from other families that are in the position. I hope your husband finds the peace I have living without alcohol it is hard and you need to want sobriety. Unfortunately You can’t help him till he wants the help! Good bless you all.

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