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Alcohol support

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Original poster

I just need to check there's nothing I can do

19 replies

LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 01:14

Pretty sure the answer is nothing 😢

My oldest friend is drinking 2 bottles of wine a day at least and has a bloated face and swollen ankles and looks really quite alarming (I haven't seen her for a good while so it's been a bit of a shock.) She was always a drinker but this is next level.

She let slip the other day that she's been drink driving,she said it only happened once but I very much doubt it.

She's been caught speeding,I so wish they'd breathalysed her but she's going on a speed awareness course. If she ever loses her licence she will lose everything as she's self employed and her business depends on her driving. I have told her this.

I'm sad and terrified for her. There's nothing I can do is there? I know there isn't really, I'm just so upset.

OP posts:
VoldemortsKitten · 14/07/2023 12:26

@LoafofSellotape it's so hard to watch someone go through this. I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her drinking. Just be there for her when it all blows up. If she's admitted to you she's drinking 2 bottles of wine a day and has been driving after drinking that's at least something, she's managed to say it out loud to another person, she must know it's not normal but maybe can't see a way out. I really hope she can turn it round x

Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 12:54

VoldemortsKitten · 14/07/2023 12:26

@LoafofSellotape it's so hard to watch someone go through this. I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her drinking. Just be there for her when it all blows up. If she's admitted to you she's drinking 2 bottles of wine a day and has been driving after drinking that's at least something, she's managed to say it out loud to another person, she must know it's not normal but maybe can't see a way out. I really hope she can turn it round x

Thank you for replying,it's agony watching watch she's doing.

She's extremely open about what she drinks,almost boastful, says she fine and it does affect her.

She's also lost an awful lot of weight since I last saw her,she says she's doing slimming world but it just looks like she's stopped eating.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 13:03

I think it's been going on for so many years she just thinks it is normal tbh. She said she's better than she was as a while back she was on wine plus a bottle of gin a DAY. No judgement from me, we all have our demons but it's so hard to watch. Surely her liver can't cope with that level of drinking?

OP posts:
Crucible · 14/07/2023 13:15

I'm so sorry about your friend. She sounds very ill. It's very hard to watch and it's difficult to stop, only she can do that with support. I'd try to get her off the road. I know her business depends on driving, but drunk drivers cause such incredible damage - and she may well come to great harm herself behind the wheel. Has she any family?

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 13:18

I'd be tempted to try to report it to the DVLA. If she is alcohol dependent both she and HCPs treating her are under a duty to inform DVLA.

A bit trickier if she's in denial and untreated but I'd have to try. My lovely SIL was killed by an arsehole like your friend.

Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 13:20

Crucible · 14/07/2023 13:15

I'm so sorry about your friend. She sounds very ill. It's very hard to watch and it's difficult to stop, only she can do that with support. I'd try to get her off the road. I know her business depends on driving, but drunk drivers cause such incredible damage - and she may well come to great harm herself behind the wheel. Has she any family?

She distanced herself from her family, said they were being horrible to her etc. I suspect they have given up in exasperation to be honest.

The driving is super worrying. She lives in the middle of nowhere,she has to drive. She's being very stupid risking that apart from the fact she could hurt herself or others. I AM judgemental about that side of things, I can't not be.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 13:21

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 13:18

I'd be tempted to try to report it to the DVLA. If she is alcohol dependent both she and HCPs treating her are under a duty to inform DVLA.

A bit trickier if she's in denial and untreated but I'd have to try. My lovely SIL was killed by an arsehole like your friend.

I am considering this and I'm so sorry about your SIL.

She hasn't seen a GP for a million years, not had mammograms or smears.

OP posts:
Crucible · 14/07/2023 13:24

Time to tell the DVLA I'd say. They get calls like this all the time and they will advise. It really is better to take her off the road. I wish you the best.

Badger1970 · 14/07/2023 13:24

If she's lost weight, chances are that her liver is already struggling if not failing.

Please report her to the Police, you can do it anonymously on Crimestoppers. She could kill herself, let alone other people.

And no, sadly, there's nothing else you can do but watch.

Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 13:26

Crucible · 14/07/2023 13:24

Time to tell the DVLA I'd say. They get calls like this all the time and they will advise. It really is better to take her off the road. I wish you the best.

Do I just ring up and say she's driving? Surely they'd have to actually catch her drink driving? I can't believe the policeman who stopped her for speeding , she was doing 42 in a 30 zone, didn't breathalyse her, she looks like a drinker,it's unmistakable.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 14/07/2023 13:27

Badger1970 · 14/07/2023 13:24

If she's lost weight, chances are that her liver is already struggling if not failing.

Please report her to the Police, you can do it anonymously on Crimestoppers. She could kill herself, let alone other people.

And no, sadly, there's nothing else you can do but watch.

I've been googling, it's sounds like that,doesn't it?

OP posts:
Crucible · 14/07/2023 21:53

It does sound like that. I'm sorry OP.

Crucible · 14/07/2023 21:55

Oh and FWIW I think that it's one thing you can do, getting her off the road, it's not a bad thing, it will possibly prevent this becoming a tragedy, for her and others perhaps. That's a good thing to do.

nobodysdaughternow · 14/07/2023 22:13

For an alcoholic to consider stopping, they have to hit rock bottom. Your friend has lost her health, her looks, her family. Next to go will be her car and her job, shortly followed by her home if she can't meet the bills.

Some alcoholics don't ever stop.

It is really sad to watch anyone destroy their whole life and the irreparable damage they leave in their wake.

No, you cannot help her. I hope she can one day find her own way back.

Yerroblemom1923 · 01/08/2023 07:48

@LoafofSellotape any news on your friend?

Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 01/08/2023 09:34

I've been out of touch with her since I saw her last, a few texts but that's all so it's hard to tell. I love a long way from her so it's not like I see here day to day. Lack of communication is worrying though as we're usually chatty.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoafofSellotape · 01/08/2023 09:34

nobodysdaughternow · 14/07/2023 22:13

For an alcoholic to consider stopping, they have to hit rock bottom. Your friend has lost her health, her looks, her family. Next to go will be her car and her job, shortly followed by her home if she can't meet the bills.

Some alcoholics don't ever stop.

It is really sad to watch anyone destroy their whole life and the irreparable damage they leave in their wake.

No, you cannot help her. I hope she can one day find her own way back.

Yes, you're right.

OP posts:
ShyMaryEllen · 18/08/2023 00:45

No, it’s really not right that people with alcohol disorders have to reach rock bottom to stop. That sort of thinking is dangerous and out of date. It is dangerous because it makes people think that it’s ok to carry on until ’rock bottom’ happens, and who can say when that is? It also lumps all drinkers together when in fact there are as many differences as similarities amongst such a disparate group of people. The term ‘alcoholic’ is similarly reductive and unhelpful - it also suggests that only day drinkers, or spirit drinkers or park-bench tramps have drinking disorders, which is just not true.

They do have to want to stop, but that’s something that happens to different people at different stages.

Nat6999 · 18/08/2023 01:53

If her ankles are swelling up, the chances are her liver is starting to show severe damage. That was the first sign my late dp had before he was diagnosed with cirrhosis, she needs to see a doctor before it is too late. Could you persuade her to go to the doctors, even offer to go with her? She could also self refer to the drug & alcohol service, they would most likely offer detox treatment after she has proved she is serious about giving up.

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