How do I actually stop?

[Sillymummies123]

Hi all,

Waking up hungover today. I've always had issues with alcohol but was 'moderate' (once a week I'd share a glass of wine) when I was mid-twenties. Lockdown and then having children just seems to have thrown me into daily drinking as the norm. I've tried 100s of times to quit, but after a few days, a week, a month, I feel better and figure one night would be fine. It usually is, and I don't drink again for ages. No matter what, however, nightly excess creeps back in. For example last night I had 3 pints of beer and the lions share of a wine my partner and I were sharing.

I'm pretty sure I'm autistic, and if not then the way I think about the world is very different. I struggle to move past the "but I want to do that thing, so I will do that thing" pattern of thought and inevitably if I want to drink I will.

Does anyone have any practical tips for actually quitting? Or at least actually reducing intake? I'm sure this thread appears in some form or another from someone daily. I'd like to not be drunk, hungover, dependent financial and emotionally on booze for a good time, but I also don't want to never drink again. How do you take those feelings and make it something positive and manageable? I'm just worried ill never have the actual drive needed to stop this cycle.

Hi, I often feel similar. I'd justify nightly drinking when it's just one or two glasses but that soon creeps up. I'm currently reading The Naked Mind by Annie Grace which is brilliant. It talks about what alcohol does to your body and how we justify our drinking. She doesn't talk about stopping completely but about your relationship with alcohol. Good luck x

I was going to recommend the same book! 'this naked mind' completely changed the way I thought and felt about booze, I haven't had a drink in 4 years and honestly don't care about it at all. Funnily enough I used to feel like you in that I didn't want to say I'd 'never' drink again because it felt too final, but now 4 years in I really don't want to drink again. For me (and I suspect you are similar) I couldn't moderate, it would always creep up over time. Life is so much better just taking it out of the equation entirely, there is no uncertainty around it, I just don't do it, and I feel amazing!

Another Annie Grace recommendation from me! I did the 30 Day Challenge in August 2020, and I haven’t had a drink since.

Thinking ‘never again’ is too much at the beginning. Concentrate on ‘not for the next ten minutes,’ then ‘not today’, then ‘not this week.’

Your ‘never again’ will come on its own.

Also seems obvious but just stop buying it, my DH always buys 24 bottles at a time on offer and that makes it super hard.

Thanks all. I will buy the book. I guess my problem is I'm an absolute sucker for 'safe routine' (as I say - probably autism).

Drinking whilst in a lot of situations is the 'safe fun'. E..g on a cruise, at a bar, at dinner. I've stopped "successfully" many times, but then I guess my anxiety hits that each situation wouldn't be "fun" / would be a waste without adding alcohol. Odd, isn't it. I think it stems from fear of missing opportunity?

Thanks all for your contributions. The Naked Mind book recommendation was fabulous. I, too, had only ever heard of the "you are ill, you will always want drink, and must never give in" model of alcohol abuse problems and that seemed very doom and gloom. The (slightly covert CBT) model of retraining the unconscious, unfounded beliefs surround alcohol is so hopeful! I've been paying attention to my desire to drink over the last few days, and in every situation, I've realised that it's always actually something else in the desire (thirst, the idea of good times with friends, the vision of an exotic island) rather than the literal ethanol.

One followup query- I've been feeling very brain foggy, sad, anxious since stopping a few days ago. This is literally just withdrawal and will abate over the next few weeks right? If yiu google alcohol withdrawal depression, the big hitters are "maybe the alcohol was just hiding the depression!", but surely the most immediate and obvious likely cause is a bit imbalance in various neurotransmitters due to long term substance use?