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Alcohol support

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Always the one who causes trouble

12 replies

Catsknowwhatyouarethinking · 29/06/2023 09:18

Hi there

Reaching out to all the fellow and former drinkers who can cause a bit of drama now and again. It's usually two or three times a year. It's so not in my nature to be a bother, but sometimes I drink so much and I become 'that person' who is crying in public, being morose, ringing family and just generally being a massive tool.

I'm nearly 40 and I don't want this to be something I continue to do.

How did you stop? Was just completely stopping drinking that changed the narrative or did you get to a point in life where you stopped acting like a teenager?

Things are good in my life. Bit of stress, but at a fairly reasonable level. But the way I go on when I get like this, you'd think life was terrible.

I worry that people might not want me out at events because they don't know which version of me they'll get. Which is completely understandable! I am looking to take a break from alcohol. Had a problem with it for yeeeeeears. I don't want people to think of me a lush, but they do.

Any positive stories of changing your ways will be greatly appreciated. On a massive downer from getting into one of those states after a birthday drinking session and causing chaos with my family by running around town (fortunately not for long). Just stupid attention seeking behaviour.

OP posts:
brightspice90DaysLater · 30/06/2023 10:30

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Lovetotravel123 · 30/06/2023 10:42

I would suggest reading Catherine Gray’s The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober.

silverfullmoon · 30/06/2023 10:46

I have been that person too so I stopped drinking completely. I don’t like who I become when I drink. It’s less about others (although that can be embarrassing) and more about me wanting to be my authentic self. I tend to get loud, bolshy and talk over others after a few drinks and that’s not me or who I am normally and I don’t like it.

Doing something for yourself is always better than doing it for others so I’d encourage you to do that. Agree with the book recommendation above and also alcohol explained by William porter. My life is so much better without alcohol 😊

Catsknowwhatyouarethinking · 01/07/2023 10:25

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and advice. I do often think about how people see me and it's never good. Maybe it's because I'm projecting my feelings about myself. Definitely something to be conscious of.

@brightspice90DaysLater I've been a weekly drinker on and off for a few years. It can end up daily. For instance, June has been particularly bad for me. When I drink I often drink heavily (usually a bottle and half of wine), not remembering going to bed, but still doing everything I would otherwise do, like feed the cats and brush my teeth. So I have problem all year round basically 😔

Thank you for the recommendations. I think quit lit and the like is always more compelling when the author is relatable. So I will seek out your podcast. I feel really lonely at the moment but I think I've been isolating myself from friends and family because of my shame over drinking.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
brightspice90DaysLater · 01/07/2023 10:35

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Ukholidaysaregreat · 01/07/2023 10:38

What great responses OP. Good Luck on your journey. 💐

Catsknowwhatyouarethinking · 02/07/2023 08:52

Thank you for your interest brightspice90DaysLater@ I think I drink to change all of the emotions you've said above. I am also neurodivergent and I ruminate a lot on social interactions (did I say the right thing it? Do they understand/like me?), I often have terrible songs playing in my head on repeat, have a stressful job and am introverted. So there's of different things going on and it depends on the situation I am in. But basically there's always a reason for me to use drink...or an excuse! I understand from what you're saying that I need to unlearn drink being my coping mechanism and learn a different way to manage uncomfortable emotions and situations.

I'm really interested to do that. I read Atomic Habits a whole ago with a view to adding healthy habits. I will revisit my notes on it. Thanks again for being incredibly kind and insightful 💜

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brightspice90DaysLater · 02/07/2023 09:42

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LaughyCry · 04/07/2023 10:06

Admire your honesty OP. I need to straighten up too. A lot of heavy nightly drinking this month. Feel like I let myself and my family down. Annoyingly went over a full year alcohol free, felt great and know I need to get back to that. Start with good intentions every day, but ending up getting wine in by the evening. Trying to gather the momentum to go alcohol free again. Let’s start today?!

lovenotwar149 · 04/11/2023 07:56

I would look into who you become when you behave this way. Why you do and say these things. It will be hard as hell I am sure but there will be growth in it for u. Like facing your demons so to speak.

Darkdiamond · 04/11/2023 08:23

Me!

I got sick of getting bladdered, not remembering the night before, crying, saying things Iregretted, the horrors, the anxiety and that wasn't even taking into account the horrendous hangovers!

One day 5 years ago I woke up with yet another horrendous vomiting hangover and decided I'd had enough. It was like I had a revelation and knew it couldn't go on. I decided that from that point on, I would drink moderately and stop at 4 (that was saintly compared to my previous consumption).

Except, every time I drank afterwards, I felt dreadful. Eventually, I couldn't even have one alcoholic drink without feeling unwell. One day I had been out for dinner the night before and had that weird tired, heavy, unrested feeling that I used to have the night after a bender. I realised I'd had a shot of limoncello in an Italian restaurant the night before but had forgotten.

The following Christmas, i had 2 small glasses of Baileys. That night the room was spinning and I felt like throwing up. That cemented it for me: my body was rejecting alcohol totally. For somebody who would down a bottle of wine before I even went to the pub, before going to a club, then onto the after party at someone's house where I would drink until 6am, this was a shock!

So, I decided to never drink again and my life had changed, immeasurably, for the better! Alcohol has nothing to offer except short term relaxation at best. That sense of release and relaxation are absolutely NOTHING compared to waking up feeling fresh and well rested on a Sunday morning. Having a clear head with no regrets is better than any bender I've ever be on. Being in full control of myself and what I say feels so emotionally healthy and responsible in a way being passed and starting arguments never did (obviously).

I always say that alcohol is a false friend. It pretends to have your back at any social event buy actually stabs you in the back and attacks your health, your relationships, your self esteem and self worth. If any living person led someone astray in the way alcohol destroys lives, we would rightfully describe that person as toxic, and it's the truth.

Alcohol is literally poison. It is insidious and gets into your life in the most disastrous and catastrophic ways, often gently, over time, gradually carrying coping mechanisms you learned as an insecure teenager into your adult years.

The words I want to use to describe a life without alcohol sabotaging every area of my life, are 'freedom' and 'liberation'.

The only people in my life who had any kind of problem with me stopping drinking were people who also have very dysfunctional relationships with alcohol. That's a them problem.

On another note, I had a friend who kept ruining every single night out with her behaviour when drunk. She wouldn't stop drinking and so I cut her out. She showed that her priorities lay with booze and not her friends. For some people, alcohol comes first, even when, on the face of it, their lives function as normal.

I once said to my friend, that if you ever question whether you have a problematic relationship with alcohol, you probably do. Don't let culture answer this question for you, because it will tell you that everyone does it and not to give it too much thought. Let the real consequences of your drinking settle the argument. If you think alcohol is having a negative effect on your life, listen to that thought. Your life is precious and anything you give access to it needs to be vetted very, very carefully.

lovenotwar149 · 04/11/2023 08:44

Wow what a story! I'm going to print it and show it to my family. They are not drinkers btw but what a story. Can be related to other addictions too. I am sooo pleased for you.

The words I want to use to describe a life without alcohol sabotaging every area of my life, are 'freedom' and 'liberation'.

I can resonate with these words of yours. My crutch WAS food. Not now and I too feel free and liberated!!! Amazing! Lovely story thanks for sharing it!

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