Family BBQ & my mum

[IVFfirsttimer91]

Hello, not sure if anyone is still awake, but I thought I’d post here for some support. I am an alcoholic and drug addict with nearly (1 month to go) 3 years clean and sober. I attended a family BBQ today, and my family are all heavy drinkers, my mum in particular has a pretty bad problem, and it’s getting to the point where it’s really starting to cause a problem with my dad. They knew I was coming, and had even discussed mum not getting too drunk as I was going to be there, but once she starts she can’t stop (we all know how it goes). And this evening she’s passed out, been rude to my dad/family friends, been unable to stand up without assistance, and been crying and telling me how sorry she is and how proud of me she is etc etc, the last part is lovely, but the rest of it has made me feel really jangly inside and I’m really very concerned about her now. This level of her drinking has been going on for a while now, and my family has kept it from me because of my own history with alcohol. I know there’s nothing I can do but to be there for her and dad and support them, but it hits different when you see someone you love going through something you yourself have experienced. Don’t know why I’m posting this really, but I feel like I’m about to cry.

Very well done on being clean for so long. Thats a huge, huge achievement so take a minute to remember how much work you have done. Your mum is responsible for herself and it would be best if you put a rule in place where you dont socialise with her when there is alcohol. Dont allow emotions to cloud your judgement.

I guess its a good reminder in a way for why you dont drink/dont want to drink. Does your mum see herself as having a problem with drinking? Has anyone tried talking to her?

Ps well done on 3 years AF! Very impressive 👏👏👏

OP you are setting such a brilliant example for your mum, and I don’t think there’s much more you can do right now.

Your main responsibility is to yourself and your own sobriety. You can’t allow her to jeopardise that.

For her, maybe quietly leave her some quit lit?

For you, Al Anon?

It must be difficult, but I am sure your mother means it when she says how proud of you she is.

Hi, thanks for replying everyone.

Mum knows that she drinks too much but doesn’t think she has a serious problem. Both mum and dad went to an AA style support group back in the day when I was on deaths door, and unfortunately did not have a positive experience and there is no way she would ever go into the rooms to talk about her own drinking. She literally would rather die, which I can understand. I’ve just taken a bit of a step back, I was supposed to go home yesterday for a Father’s Day bbq, but I backed out, I didn’t want to put myself in an awkward situation again. It’s tough, but I’m also going through IVF again and I feel like I’ve just got too much going on at the moment to make myself upset and vulnerable by going and witnessing the chaos and arguments. Once I’ve had my second transfer I think I’ll be in a better place to approach mum and chat.