Bit of a long one but here we go.
My Mom is an alcoholic. Took me a long time to realise and admit that but we are properly there now, she drinks at least a bottle of wine a night, maybe more if she has it in the house, plus a few large whiskies or similar.
It's been a gradual process over the last couple of years so it kept up almost unnoticed but it's been really noticeable for the last year or so. She never drank during my childhood and I never saw her drunk, her dad was an alcoholic and got so drunk on her wedding day he couldn't attend. She also had to grow up with several alcoholic abusive stepmoms because he chose partners who were also alcoholics.
She doesn't seem to have a specific reason for drinking to excess now (does anyone?!) but says she is stressed at work and hates her boss/her job.
She isn't the most mentally stable of people and often goes on about how awful she is and how she should kill herself when she's been drinking heavily so we are all worried about the affect it would have on her if we confronted her about her drinking and her behaviour but it's gotten to a point where I just can't take being around her anymore or interacting with her when she's drunk.
She's fallen over and injuries herself on many occasions. She's fallen asleep while grandkids were in her care. She repeats herself so frequently when she's drunk it's impossible to have a conversation with her because she can't remember when she or anyone else has said when she's drinking. We were an holiday recently and she almost fell asleep/passed out in a pub in the middle of the day while we were having lunch because she was so drunk.
It's like her whole personality has changed sometimes. She's a beautiful, kind, caring, loving person and yet when drinking she spouts the most awful, racist, homophobic bigoted bullshit what I'm sure she doesn't genuinely mean but it makes me hate being around her. I miss who she was. We used to have long phone calls on days off or weekends, now that is impossible because she's so drunk whenever I phone or she just repeats herself constantly.
I'm heartbroken to see what she's become but she won't seek help and I don't know what to do. My Dad is in his 80's as she is a bit younger than him and I think he is struggling to cope, understandably. We've tried not having alcohol in the house but she works full time so has plenty of her own money and they live 5 minutes from the nearest shop. Last time I was there she randomly disappeared without telling anyone because we had run out of alcohol and my Dad refused to go get more, so she took herself out and we were all worried sick because she could really have hurt herself.
What on earth do I do? I don't live close by so I can't do much on a practical day to day basis but do I need to sit down and have a serious chat with her? Does that ever even work?! Do I threaten to not visit anymore?! I have literally no idea and I really don't want to go down the latter route but I just can't bare it anymore. Please help!