How to quit drinking with no one realising

[Bing4859]

Exactly as the title suggests really. I wouldn't say I have a problem with alcohol but I've completely fallen out of love with it. Feel useless on the days I drink, have a hangover even on tiny amounts. I don't want to make a big deal of quitting and I don't even want my partner to know as I don't want it to become a 'thing'. I don't want to be defined by sobriety (even though there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it's to be celebrated) I'm just not ready for it right now. How would you go about it and how would you hide it? I must preface this by saying I LOVE wine, it just doesn't love me. So not an easy switch off...

I did this recently. I just told people I had important meetings or events in the first few months so was staying off it. Worked well, then when I was comfortable I started telling people I just lost the taste for it and felt the health benefits so am keeping going for a while longer. No big deal.

You might want to try the old standby, that you think you've become allergic to alcohol - you can laugh it off and say it must be your age or something? And given you're now getting hungover on small amounts, maybe there's a grain of truth in it too?

Make sure you give some thought as to how to handle situations where you would previously have drunk - what kind of drinks you'll order or what you'll say if people are persistent.

Does your DP drink wine as well? It may be very tough if it's in the house.

Just say you feel a lot better for not drinking. No headaches in the morning! Drink plenty of water, clearer skin and start glowing!!! No one will judge you all for health reasons... those that do have issues with alcohol themselves

I'm doing exactly the same and framing it as cutting sugar.

I don't know what the answer is as really you shouldn't need to explain. I would just say make sure you own your choice and bf confident in it.

Not something I've done but my mum has stopped drinking (not that she drank loads before) and people often ask her why.....she has no major reason to give, but it's just not something that is celebrated in our society.

Say you’re hungover and can’t stand the thought of a drink 😂

I've had to cut back (not that I was ever a heavy drinker) because I can't cope with more than 1 1/2 glasses of wine any more, I get insomnia if I drink more. I'm blaming peri (I'm in my 50s).

You could tell people you have cut back because your tolerance has gone or you could do what DH does, which is forget to drink his wine when he is poured a glass. He's always only ever drunk half a cup of tea so nobody questions it but he rarely drinks more than half a glass now.

You don't have to inform anyone . Just stop and if anyone points out to you that you're not drinking just brush it aside . From my experience when you inform people you're stopping they make a real big thing about it especially if they are drinkers themselves .You'll find it much easier if you keep it to yourself.

Same here op. I used to love a wine. But it leaves me so lethargic and foggy headed.

I told my dh that I wanted to lose a few pounds so was cutting it out till holiday we had booked. Then when we went away I said i feel much healthier without it so I'm carrying on.

If anyone else asked I just said the same really

Not drank in a year now. Feel a lot better for it. Lost a few inches round my waist and sleep sooooo much better

I'm planning to do the same as you @saltrocking not drinking till holiday. I'm only two weeks in (10 to go) but I feel so good for it I'm pondering that it may become more permanent.

I'm just going to tell people it's making me feel awful after and I want to focus on being healthy for a bit too. I'm sure people will be surprised as I love a wine but hoping they'll be supportive!

Lots of my friends have stopped drinking due to some combination of perimenopause, can't take the hangovers any more, trying to lose weight. It's gone from being the default that almost everyone drinks on a night out to quite normal for no one to drink.

In your shoes I wouldn't say anything at all and if someone asks just say something vague about cutting down or that you don't really drink much these days as it goes to your head.

I cut back a couple of years ago. In social situations I drink single G&Ts rather than doubles and when it’s my round I often just order a tonic water. I find that drinking wine in a group means that I’m more likely to overdo it as it gets poured at the rate of the fastest drinker and it’s easy to lose track.

I say it's for health reasons.

It kind of is as I have T2 diabetes so it's encouraged to watch your intake anyway but truthfully I'm also peri menopausal and my tolerance is pretty rubbish anyway.

Your expectations are impossible. I mean how on earth do you think your own partner won't notice you've stopped?

I tell people I can't sleep if I drink and I just can't take it at my age anymore. Which is true. You could say it is ruining your sleep or causing migraines so you need a break. Haven't had a drink in over 4 years and doubt I will ever drink again. And I LOVED wine!!!!

Frame it as 'for the moment rather than 'I've stopped'.

So, I don't fancy a drink at the moment etc

I completely stopped drinking 8 years ago. I developed a yeast intolerance that made drinking wine, beer , cider etc very uncomfortable. People wondered why I didn't drink vodka, gin etc so I just pretended I was. They soon lost interest.

I just said it didn't suit me, had stuff to do the next day,on meds, losing weight. Anything really. It's funny how people care so much like at work I had the Spanish Inquisition asking why I don't drink blah blah. I don't like it wasn't enough it was like why don't you drink occasionally why give it up altogether. I felt like a weirdo. If that was smoking or chocolate it would be like well done good for you! I think my stock answer now will be I don't like drunk me 😂

And last year I stopped for 7 months and my sil said I don't know how you can it's my worst nightmare so fair play to you, marmite. Then in the sentence'well you are a nightmare when you're drunk so I get it'. I was like maybe you're right but wtf

I'd just say I was on a health kick , cutting out sugar and trying to become healthier. It doesn't have to be a big deal, if people make it one that's their problem.

I haven't drunk since the end of last year. I said I was doing 100 dry days. After about 3 months I started buying zero alcohol wine. It means no one asks. I can't think I'll drink again either. There isn't any reason to.

Some absolutely amazing advice here - thank you so much for being so supportive! So to clarify for the person who mentioned about my partner - haha he is totally oblivious to most things but I did actually tell him how I was feeling today and he was totally supportive / didn't bat an eyelid I think the ideas are all great, now I just need to implement them which will be the harder part given the fact I do enjoy the first couple of wines, but hate every other part of drinking. But I believe I can do it!

Just say you don’t fancy it.

Good - it will be much easier now your partner knows. Just remember, the easiest drink to say no to is the first one. "I'll just stop after one" is a convenient lie. (I'm not saying it's impossible for anyone to stop after one, but given you actively want to stop, don't kid yourself that having just one will be fine).