A little advice please

[lookingforsunrise]

Hi lovely ladies,

I know you get asked for advice a lot, and I know what some people say as I've been lurking on these boards for quite a while and just listening and hoping for that next day success where it isn't a problem or hearing something I could try.

I don't even know where to start. I'll try to be brief. I'm a binge drinker. I can go days/weeks without but I don't want to. When I go off the cliff I jeopardise my employment (wfh, too easy to pretend), I jeopardise everything. It can last days, weeks.

I tried cgl. They put me during lockdown in an online support group but the problem with cgl is they try to teach moderation. If I'm not drinking i don't drink at all, ever; I don't want to sit in a support group and hear from Johnny whatever feeling really pleased he had four cans that night not eight. It's triggering to think that's ok. I even sat through sessions where I was convinced some attendees were smashed, and that was online.

I tried Aa. I went for a few months. I had a few unfortunate and unwelcome encounters with overly errrrrrr supportive men, and actually found the whole thing, in my area, to be a strange dating site I wanted no part of, and I'd say a quarter of the people there didn't want either.

I've been through detox twice. Not because I really needed it, I paid for it both times privately, probably because alcohol abuse and my mental health overlap a lot. I have tried really hard to find solutions.

I am a bit of a loss. If I get concerned about the effects of what I'm doing have on my health, I get referred to cgl. If I express a desire to abstain, being neuro divergent I'm black and white, I get referred to AA. If I go to AA, I get all manner of creeps who I wouldn't share a single private thing with, let alone my name.

Help wise sober mumsnetters.

What about the AA online groups? Or look out for a women only meeting? I am lucky that that kind of behaviour is frowned upon in the A A group I attend. Very clear boundaries about Women supporting women. Smart recovery might be worth a look either.

I can strongly recommend the Reframe app. It’s not free but I have found it invaluable. It gives you short daily tasks that help you learn about alcohol and how it impacts our mental health. It also gives amazing coping skills and there’s a forum which is so supportive. I love it - I’m one month sober now.

Other resources I found helpful:

• How to Control Alcohol with Easy Way by Allen Carr (it’s old school but radically changed my view of alcohol)
• The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
• Huberman Lab podcast episode about alcohol
• Dry Drinker online has a plethora of tasty alcohol free drinks to explore
• Therapy helped me deal with the root of my drinking dependency (I do a 1hr session twice a month)
• Treat yourself - what makes you happy? Delicious ice cream, massages, early walks in the park, a new outfit, etc. when you’re sober and waking up refreshed, you have so much time and energy (and spare cash!) to make space for you and the people you love
• Take a close-up selfie of your face, so you can look back and see the visible benefits - I had forgotten how much skin can glow!

Huge congratulations for making this decision! I’ve found so much happiness in sobriety, it’s honestly changed my life for the best, in only 4 short weeks.

Good luck - you’ve got this! 🤩

Another vote for online AA meetings. You can try a lot of different ones easily if you search for AA online intergroup. You can start with camera off etc if it's intimidating. Women's only meetings too. Also as you say you know abstinence is right for you, don't let people sway you with moderation nonsense (when you know that isn't for you, you know it).