Medical detox - handhold please

[SignalLoss]

I have had a physical assessment and am seeing a doctor tomorrow to discuss medication requirements. I am motivated to stop, but also scared. Anyone with experience of this? Thank you.

Unfortunately I have ended up back to daily drinking. I feel so stupid I’ve wasted all my effort and other peoples time.

I found it pretty easy in the beginning and got overconfident I think. It’s easy to underestimate the hold that alcohol has on me. DP doesn’t seem to know what to say, so says nothing. I’ve no accountability which doesn’t help. The nurse missed our last planned appointment, then was off sick so I haven’t seen anyone for over a month.

Sorry for the ramble, just needed to vent and am feeling a bit sorry for myself.

@SignalLoss - sorry to hear this. I’ve had more day 1s than most and am a really bad binge drinker. I’m 3 weeks AF today with what has to be my final attempt - I’ve said this before but this time really has to be. My family are at the end of the line with me and if I don’t stay sober, it’s game over.

vent all you like on here - you are not alone. Time to get back on the wagon.I will not drink with you today - you can do this 💪❤️

Ramble all you like, it's good to get how you are feeling 'down on paper'. It might not seem like it but you have learnt from your AF time and you haven't wasted your time or any one else's.

I don't want to sound like a di£k but here it goes, I think ultimately for this to work you need to become accountable to yourself, no one else. It doesn't matter if no one else ever knows you have drank, you will know.

@SignalLoss been following this thread - sorry to hear that - there are lots of threads on here you can join.

You need to do something different.

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got.

Try AA.

Please try Smart meetings OP.

it worked for me and I was frankly in a right mess. 5 months sober now.

feel free to PM me with zero judgement . Xx

Bloody brave of you to come back and share with us OP. Making this change is not an easy road and so often full of false starts. It's brutal to realise alcohol has a hold on you and the habit isn't as easy to break a you thought.

I don't buy that it has been a waste of time at all, I think it helps you realise what you're up against.

Because when you've really utterly had enough, when you're done sneaking a drink, wondering if anyone can tell, calculating how much you can get away with, repeatedly feeling cross with yourself for betraying your best intentions, these are the experiences that you call to mind. No, having a drink will actually not make anything better. No you can't just have one, no matter how trivial it may seem for others to. It doesn't work, you can't go back because the drug has rewired the reward system in your brain.

@alco post has hit it on the head. Get whatever support you need. AA is so useful at the beginning to listen in anonymously to people who have been/ are just where you are. But the accountability is to yourself. You're the only person you can't really lie to through it all.

I hope you're ok. I'm wishing you all the strength and compassion in the world. Tomorrow is a new day. I will not drink with you today. Or tomorrow.

How are you, OP?

Get up and start again, remind yourself why you did it in the first place. Habits and addictions are hard to overcome...need a lot of determination and willpower.
I used to smoke a lot and my kids used to say mum quit it's not good for you, I said I'll try but didn't get far, till they said to me when we're older we will smoke too....I guess that's the encouragement i needed and I bought nicotine patches and went cold turkey, instead of cutting back. It helped and I'm grateful I've been smoke free for about 5yrs.
I hate the smell since.
I imagine alcohol addiction is much worse, I've never drank in my life but I've seen a family member destroy her life over it...she's had private and NHS detox and therapy treatments but shes always gone back to drinking.
I hope you start again OP I wish you all the best....no one said this was going to be easy but it's not impossible. Stay strong 💪 keep striving and I promise you it will all be worth it. As the saying goes...suffer now and reap the rewards later ❤️

An update for any of you that are still here. I am still under the addictions team and have been trying to cut down but not managing to. It’s almost like I deliberately hit the self destruct button. Another detox has been offered which I initially thought was heavy handed, but now think this is what I need. DP attended my last appointment to look at how best to support me. Identified a few strategies but it hasn’t gone well. One thing that came from it was that he would like me to moderate so that we can enjoy a Friday night drink and wine with Sunday dinner together. I know he wants to support me, but it seems like he’s worried about the effect on him if I don’t drink. It was pointed out before by @alco that I need to be accountable to myself, which is great advice. Next appointment is on Tuesday and I think I’ll ask for the detox. Thanks if you got this far.

Thanks for sharing. It’s a shame that your DP isn’t more supportive. Have you joined any support groups? Reddit is good. The I am sober app is really good too. Wishing you the best going forward

@SignalLoss I'm sorry your husband isn't being supportive. I think this is fairly common sadly and I suspect he probably does also have a problem with alcohol. I'm 39 days sober and my DH has stopped drinking while with me. He has had a couple on a work night out but nothing at home. I do think I'd find it so much harder otherwise
Anyway we'll done for deciding to detox again. It is absolutely the right decision.
Once you're out the other side of the detox could you start putting the money aside that you would otherwise have spent on drink? Then you can plan something really nice to spend it on for yourself. Anyway I wish you luck.

Hi OP, I didn't see your original post but just wanted to say hello and add a few thoughts. Your DP is not really getting it is he? I think you absolutely need to concentrate on yourself.

I think moderating is impossible for anyone with an alcohol problem. It just makes the whole process harder. Do the detox and keep alcohol out of your life. If that means a new way of living then that is what you will need to do.

Instead of Friday night dinner try new things that don't involve alcohol, eg cinema, yoga. If your DP wants to help you with this he can come along great...if not do it by yourself.

Keep reading the quit lit. Try to look at giving up as a positive thing. You don't need that poison in your life and it is not helping you.

Good luck OP, you can do it!

Bluntly @SignalLoss you are an alcoholic. Alcoholics are not able to moderate. I say this from personal and professional (HCP) experience.

What do YOU think? Do you genuinely believe you'll ever be able to moderate? Are you scared of your husband if you tell him you aren't able to accommodate his wishes?

Thank you so much for all the supportive posts. @nowtygaffer, that’s the best way to put it, he just doesn’t get it. He wants to go back to before, but I really need to make that big change. I will ask him to stop with me initially and take it from there. We have had a really rough time for various reasons the last few years and I used alcohol to numb myself. I know it has just added to the pressure and if I can sort myself out I will be able to deal with things better.

Have you worked out what your triggers are? If it’s the need to relax then you need to find something else that does that for you. Have you tried any mindfulness apps? They are amazing.

Has someone showed you the Prochasca and Diclimente cycle of change? Relapse is absolutely a normal and needed part of recovery. You weren't fully ready and didn't realise it, now you can take the lessons from the relapse and hit it harder this time. You do realise your dh is also an alcoholic by the sounds of things and there seems to be an element of codependency there. You're both hooking your habits onto each other as of one is relevant to the other. People around you will drink alcohol forever, you need to go on your own journey, with or without him. Wishing you all the luck and strength needed to beat this x

Still here! Good to hear from u @SignalLoss how are u getting on today?

Forget your husband for now, what he does or doesn't drink needs to be irrelevant. As do any feelings of guilt that you're letting him down by not being able to just drink with him on certain days. That ship has sailed. You guys can make new traditions and I'm sure he'd rather have you happy and well.

Even if he doesn't 'get it' yet I hope he will be supportive of you

What make you think detox would be a bit heavy handed? Do you still think you'll go for it?

Here for any handholding required - you can do this. Do it for yourself and don't look back ❤️

Wishing you strength for your appointment tomorrow. You can do this. Even if your husband doesn't get it, don't feel bad about not being able to have a drink with him. Do it for yourself.
Think about what a wonderful gift a sober mum is for your child.

Good Luck, OP!

After failing to reduce properly and endless excuses why it was permissable to drink on this night because of these things etc, I've agreed to a medical detox too. I've had the blood tests, have an appointment to go tbhrough it all on Friday, then just waiting for a space.

I'm scared stiff. But I need to do this as I'm obviously not giving up wine on my own.

@MalbecJunkie that's bloody brilliant. Takes a lot to put yourself out there and get it sorted, I hope you get a lot of support.

Try not to be scared the team will give you medication to cover any ill effects of withdrawal. After 3 days it should be mostly over, physically.

The harder bit is ignoring your subconscious when it tells you it's ok to have a drink again. As it well might given that's the way we have learned to cope with anything hard or uncomfortable or celebratory. It takes a good while to get out of the habit of that but it does happen.

4 years after detox I honestly honestly never think about it. And I was nowhere near as coherent and articulate going in to the process as your good self and @SignalLoss are I think I was deeper into dependence.

Everything crossed for you both

Come here and share/rant whatever you need it's a rollercoaster but so worth it ❤️

Thanks, @VoldemortsKitten

The few alcohol-free nights I've managed have been OK until around 11, then a nightmare of insomnia until 6am. I feel so dreadful after the lack of sleep it's hard to keep any momentum. After 2 nights like that I'm ready to scream (and definitely hit the wine). I'm hoping a medical detox will make this more bearable.

Totally agree with the insomnia, I did find it was not such an issue with the diazepam/Librium compared to having a night off and lying there awake in my previous attempts to go it alone.

Got to say though it took about a week for sleep to really go back to normal. Ohhh but when it did! what a difference for me. Real proper deep sleep. Vivid dreams. Waking up feeling refreshed. I napped so much during the first month. It's like my body just wanted to catch up on ALL the sleep.

So yeah there might be a bit of that too 😊

Thinking of u guys @MalbecJunkie and @SignalLoss I hope it's going ok x

Thanks, Kitten.

I’ve had the blood tests and talked through the forms yesterday.

The case worker is someone who has been through it himself, which is a lot more helpful than the lovely but inexperienced 22yo initially assigned. She was very sweet but younger than my eldest and had no experience of addiction (nor indeed of adult life) and I found myself framing things gently to suit her rather than what actually helped.

I am scared stiff - I don’t willingly give up control to others and am a terrible employee! I have always been self employed and hated hospital stays. The idea of voluntarily institutionalising myself for a week scares me silly.