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Alcohol support

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Advice - very unwell parent

3 replies

Loueytb3 · 18/05/2023 14:42

DMum is an alcoholic with decompensated cirrhosis. She has had 3 hospital admissions in the last year for bleeds and hepatic encephalopathy. She has had a relatively long period out of hospital but we have been aware that things have been deteriorating again recently. We don’t live near but can gauge how things are from phone calls which have been increasingly confused and slurred.

I’ve had a call from her cleaner who told me that she is in a state again and going by the information she gave me, she is having another bleed and almost certainly needs to be in hospital. The cleaner understandably doesn’t want us to let on that she’s told us what is going on. We have tried to call and see how things are but both she and my step-dad are currently saying everything is fine. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between letting them get on with it, but knowing that if I leave it then she will be in a worse state when she actually gets to hospital. My step-dad won’t call an ambulance until she can’t walk/get to the toilet because she is absolutely vicious and goes nuts if he suggests it. I also have 2 kids doing GCSEs so I don’t want to go down there if I don’t have to. I do have permission to speak to her GP but they have recently changed and every time I’ve tried to ask them to do a home visit, they refuse. Any suggestions??

OP posts:
weleasewoderick23 · 18/05/2023 15:56

I sympathize, I really do, but you have to leave them to it.
My dad died of alcoholism as did my exh and I realized quite early on that you can't make them seek treatment and they tend to kick back if you suggest it as they think they're ok.
I know it's hard and worrying, I've been to hell and back with alcoholism, but the best thing you can do is look after yourself and keep in touch with their cleaner ( who sounds lovely). I would also suggest Al anon for support.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk/

Good luck Flowers

Loueytb3 · 08/06/2023 19:56

Well things have escalated and she's back in hospital having broken her ankle in 2 places. She needs an operation (possibly 2) but they won't do it until her liver function has improved. Can't get any sense out of the hospital at all - so frustrating being a distance away. She's now bed bound for the foreseeable future but is going to be absolutely horrendous to deal with. She's currently going through detox and is not making a lot of sense.

OP posts:
TheOtherHotstepper · 09/06/2023 09:01

Sorry to hear that things have escalated, but in truth they rarely go the other way.

Your DM is in hospital, so although detox will be unpleasant, she should at least be monitored and supervised. She has a DP, you are some distance away and in the middle of GCSEs. In practice there is very little you can do.

It's tough, and you'll probably get accused of all sorts of things, but protect yourself first and go fr9m there

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